Category: Jewel
Open Post: Hosted By Jewel’s Polarizing Indy 500 National Anthem Performance
Like Chaka Khan and Fergie before her, this week Jewel decided to take some artistic liberties while performing The Star-Spangled Banner at a nationally televised sporting event. And like Chaka Khan and Fergie before her, Jewel’s performance at the Indianapolis 500 this past Sunday caused a stir; with some people loathing her slow, acoustic countrified version, while others lauded her for putting her own spin on it.
Jewel Says Her Mom, Who Was Once Her Manager, Embezzled Over $100 Million From Her
If your initial shock was also that Jewel ever earned $100 million to be able for someone to embezzle it, I get it. But upon further ponderance, she and her trompe l’oeil titties have given us a lot. Much of the population has probably yodeled along with her to “Who Will Save (SAY-hee-AYVE) Your Soul,” and how many other razor commercial bangers can you remember besides “Intuition?” None, that’s how many. But instead of occasionally using the lyrics to “Hands” to joke about not being able to grip something girthy or resting her face against the cool, foggy car window while moodily mouthing “Foolish Games” like the rest of us, Jewel’s mom allegedly played some foolish games with her four-time Grammy-winning daughter’s pile of money when she used to be her manager.
Open Post: Hosted By Macy Gray, Michael Bolton, And Sisqó Joining America’s Version Of Eurovision
It’s been almost two years since it was announced that the US will do its own version of Eurovision after EVERYONE (read: no one) looked at Eurovision and thought, “This would be so much better if they were all Americans!” It’s still happening and Deadline says that the first round of competitors (including Macy Gray, Michael Bolton, Sisqó, and Jewel) who will represent their state has been announced.
The Rock Praised Joe Rogan’s Response To His Spotify Controversy
While Prince Harry and Meghan Markle may have voiced some “concerns” about getting into bed with Spotify if Joe Rogan is also gonna be there getting the sheets all greasy, The Rock is more than eager to hop on in and get a look at those legendary nips up close. And he’s even agreed to bring some of his signature tequila now that Joe’s addressed the controversy. Possible future president The Rock was apparently one of several people who were actually able to stomach the stream of verbal diarrhea spewing out of Joe’s mouth in his almost 10-minute long response to Neil Young and Joni Mitchell telling Spotify to kick rocks for helping perpetuate misinformation about COVID-19 on their #1 rated podcast The Joe Rogan Experience. According to TMZ, The Rock has sampled Joe’s hot and chunky stream and declared it to be “Great stuff.”
Ann Coulter Found Out What Happens When Ann Coulter Goes To A Roast
Comedy’s Central Roast of Rob Lowe, which filmed on Saturday and will air on Labor Day, starred a motley crew of random people. David Spade, Jeff Ross, Jewel (who worked with Rob on a TV show), Ralph Macchio, comedian Nikki Glaser, SNL’s Pete Davidson, Peyton Manning, Rob Riggle and Jimmy Carr all took turns roasting the asshole of the ex-member of the Brat Pack. Ann Coulter was also there and when it was announced that she was going to take part, I just knew that it would become The Shitting On Ann Coulter Scat Show. When you put Ann Coulter in a roast with a bunch of comedians, you should expect them to flame her until she turns to ash, and then piss and shit on her ashes, and then mold those ashes into an Ann Coulter statue so they can roast her some more. And they did!
Jewel And Her Real-Life Cowboy Husband Are Calling It Quits
Maybe it’s all the BBQ maple leaves I ate yesterday, but that hat sort of looks like a friendly penis stingray.
Former homeless Alaskan folk singer and current owner of some serious Magic Eye titties, Jewel, has confirmed in a blog post published Wednesday (TIL: Jewel has a blog) that after 16 years together, she and her professional bull riding husband Ty Murray are getting divorced. Damn, if a squinty snaggle-toothed yodeller and a sassy lil’ cowboy pixie can’t make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us??
“Ty and I have always tried to live the most authentic life possible, and we wanted our separation as husband and wife to be nothing less loving than the way we came together. For some time we have been engaged in private and difficult, but thoughtful and tender undoing of ourselves. Allowing ourselves the time and space to redefine what we are to each other with love rather than with malice.”
I guess “tender undoing” is the country version of “conscious uncoupling”. As much as I want to believe that they’re calling it quits because Ty was caught getting a hand-job from a bull, I think it’s more likely the result of hooking up in 1998. Nothing good came out of 1998! That was the year that gave us both Furbys AND the Matthew Broderick Godzilla. Literally the only non-turd from 1998 was Rose McGowan at the VMAs, but everyone knows an ass that looks like two melons in a plastic grocery bag is never a sure sign that love is meant to last.