Category: Royals
Prince Harry And Meghan’s Meeting With THE QUEEN Was Just 15 Minutes Long
Last week Prince Harry and Meghan Markle returned to London to attend THE QUEEN’S Platinum Jubilee. They didn’t appear on the balcony at Trooping the Colour and weren’t expected to (which is good for them because they would’ve been upstaged by Prince Louis’ raw star power), but they did make an appearance at the National Service of Thanksgiving the following day. THE QUEEN was supposed to be there too, but she bailed. Soon British rags reported that the couple spent time with THE QUEEN at a private family event after Trooping of the Colour on Thursday. They reportedly introduced her to her 1-year-old namesake, Lilibet. Now, the Sun is reporting that their source described the meeting as though it were a dirty little jewel heist: “It was a quick in and out job.”
Prince William Got Booed At The FA Cup Final
The UK royal family appears to be having a bit of a rough patch with the public. With things like The Crown, the Case of the Pedo Prince, everything involving Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, and that disastrous Caribbean Tour, the family just can’t seem to catch a break. At the very least the people of the UK still love and adore them. Or so they thought! Prince William took his worldwide booing tour home for the FA Cup final and was greeted with – you guessed it – boos!
THE QUEEN Made A Surprise Appearance At The Royal Windsor Horse Show
After pawning off The Queen’s Speech on her eldest son and future King Prince Charles earlier this week, THE QUEEN managed to rally and get herself all dolled up to make a surprise appearance at the Royal Windsor Horse Show where she spent time chopping it up with her fans/subjects from the comfort of her Range Rover before heading to the stands to sit in a red fancy velvet chair to watch as three of her personal ponies competed. We’ve been told The Queen suffers from mobility issues and is in poor health, but I’m beginning to suspect there’s nothing wrong with her that a slug of gin and a nice cuppa can’t fix, she’s just over the bullshit. Take a look at what she’s been able to rally for and what she’s relegated to the youngins. The Queen is 96 years old, her husband is gone, her children and grandchildren are a disappointment and the colonies are threatening to revolt. Who can blame Liz for wanting to nope out on the pomp and circumstance when there are biscuits, ponies, and the adoration of appropriately posh people to enjoy!
An Impostor Snuck Into Windsor Castle’s Barracks By Pretending To Be A Priest
THE QUEEN’S security has royally fucked up. Last Tuesday night some dude strolled up to the gates at Victoria Barracks (yards from Windsor Castle) and convinced the Coldstream Guards that he was a priest buddy of the base’s padre, Rev. Matt Coles. The fluffy-hatted guards invited him in without checking his ID or credentials. Soon Father Phony was drinking with officers at the bar and regaling them with bullshit stories of yore. They even offered him a bed in the barracks for the night! The next morning, security double-checked the man’s story and realized he wasn’t who he said he was. Police were called and escorted the impostor off the premises, just two hours before THE QUEEN returned to Windsor from her Easter break at Sandringham. Awww, just missed her!
“The Crown” Is Looking To Cast A Young Kate Middleton, But Sources Say She Won’t Be Worried
The BREAKING ROYAL NEWS is that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are staying in London a few days before they fly to the Netherlands for Saturday’s Invictus Games. TMZ is reporting that the couple had a meeting with THE QUEEN and Prince Charles, “in what’s clearly an attempt to smooth things over.” Oh no! Will this overshadow the very exciting news re: Duchess Kate Middleton and The Crown?! No, nothing can top this news.
The fifth season of the Netflix show comes out this November. It will tackle the nineties. Presumably Princess Diana’s final years, THE QUEEN’S annus horribilis, and Fergie’s deal with Weight Watchers. Because the creatives behind The Crown work harder than Prince Andrew’s PR team, the sixth and final season of the show is already in pre-production. Last week Netflix put out a casting call for a “stunning” actress who can play a young Kate Middleton. Continue reading
THE QUEEN Is Taking Easter Off So Prince Charles And Duchess Camilla Are Stepping In
THE QUEEN’s activities have been under the microscope for the last few years. With her age, the loss of her husband, and the general messiness of the royal family (at this stage, there’s too many incidents to count), people have been wondering how she’s managing to keep it all together. Her secret? Skipping all the royal events! THE QUEEN has essentially said “Peace out, bitches” when it comes to public functions and her latest NON-appearance is at this year’s Royal Maundy Service. But guess who’ll be showing up? Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla! It’s like when you order a filet mignon and throw a sloppy joe in your face.