Voldermort to the rescue! Ralph Fiennes, the snake-faced antagonist from the Harry Potter franchise, has bravely come out in support of J.K. Rowling after she’s been called out for her transphobia. J.K’s consistent obsession with trans people has caused stars from the Harry Potter movies to publicly support the transgender community. Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe), Hermione Granger (Emma Watson), and Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint) have all responded to J.K.’s trans comments by showing love and support for the trans community. But there’s been those who have jumped to defend their checks J.K. Rowling. Like Eddie Redmayne, who is still in the Fantastic Beasts series, and John Cleese who also declared he’s Team J.K. while throwing in some perceived trans bigotry of his own. Well, now it’s time for You-Know-Who himself to side with J.K. in the age of cancel culture! How very Voldemort of Ralph Fiennes.
Rami Malek already proved he can tackle the role of an unsettling super villain when he did that “I’m a Fan” spot for Mandarin Oriental. Now it’s been confirmed that Rami might just be an unsettling super villain, for real. The full cast for the upcoming Bond 25, which is directed by super snack Cary Fukunaga, and produced by superfood Barbara Broccoli, was revealed today in a special live event. Rami wasn’t able to make the trip to Jamaica where the event took place and was filmed from the house where Ian Fleming wrote all the Bond books. But he did send in sinister video message that might have been done in character as his as-of-yet unnamed Bond foiling baddie.
Not pictured: Volunteers from UNICEF who are standing by with jugs and waiting for Salma Hayek’s suffocating tits to explode so they can collect her miracle chichi leche and feed it to dozens of starving orphans.
Last night in London, Salma Hayek went to something called The Evening Standard Theatre Awards and I bet that the people who went to that event couldn’t even tell you who won awards or what happened. The only thing they remember is Salma Hayek’s squeezed honeydew titty sacks. Salma Hayek’s magnificent chichis will make a ho forget everything.
Thanks to that ugly clown collar, Salma’s tits look like two face-less babies in bonnets sleeping next to each other. They also look like overfilled water balloons lying on a table and the next time I’m at a family party and see overfilled water balloons lying on a table, I’ll have to resist the urge to motorboat them.
And here’s more pictures of Salma Hayek’s TITS as well as pictures of Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Kate Beckinsale and Ralph Fine-ass looking like the most charming flasher ever.
By the way, I’m typing this on a Braille keyboard, because I’ve had THAT PICTURE of Prince Hot Ginge taped onto my face since Friday. “Did you do something to your hair? You look so much better!” is what I heard all weekend from my family and friends.
The London premiere of the 24th James Bond movie, Spectre, happened tonight and Prince Hot Ginge was there, because DUH, there was an open bar and I’m sure the place was filled with stringy dishwater blondes he could make out with behind the concession counter. PHG brought along those other two, Prince William and Duchess Kate, because they never ever get out of the house and needed a date night.
I know, that should be a picture of Phoebe Price and Angelyne. Maybe the Bond producers will get it right one day.
Nearly everything about the 24th Bond movie was announced at a press conference at Pinewood Studios in London this morning. I say “nearly,” because they didn’t say who’s doing the theme song. The rumor is that it’s going to be Sam Smith, but I’d bet my weed money that it’s going to be Majela ZeZe Diamond. 2015 will finally be her year.
Bond producer Barbara Broccoli (who is my favorite producer because she has a name like a VeggieTales character) and director Sam Mendes announced that the newest Bond movie will be called Spectre and it will be released on November 6, 2015. Shooting will start on Monday and they’ll shoot in London, Mexico City, the Austrian Alps and Morocco. Bond’s car of choice will be the Aston Martin DB10. Daniel Craig will of course be back as Bond and joining his ass again will be Naomie Harris as Eve, Ben Wishaw as Q and Ralph Fineass as the new M. The Bond newbies are Christoph Waltz, Lea Seydoux, Monica Bellucci, Andrew Scott from Sherlock and Dave Bautista.
Some tricks said that Andrew Scott will play the villain, but that might not be true. It was announced that Andrew Scott will be an M15 agent. Christoph Waltz is probably playing Bond’s arch rival Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Of course Christoph Waltz is the villain. He’s a Bond villain in real life. He’s also like Joan Collins. Joan Collins can never play poor just like Christoph Waltz can never play good. Dave Bautista is playing some henchman and the Bond girls will be Monica Bellucci and Lea Seydoux. The Daily Mail points out that at 50 years old, Monica Bellucci is the most seasoned Bond girl of all time. STAINS’ hunky British human cousin Daniel Craig is 46.
The role is especially poignant for the actress – she almost played Paris Carver in Tomorrow Never Dies in 1997, only to lose out on the role to Teri Hatcher.
The raven-haired beauty – who will play Lucia Sciarra – said: ‘James Bond is our fantasy – the ideal man. The man is a protector, he is dangerous, mysterious and sexy, and a perfect English gentleman.
Monica Bellucci is 50. SHE’S FIF-TEE! I’m guessing that Spectre is about Bond’s search for the kind of virgin blood that Lucia Sciarra smears on her face. But more importantly, what happened in 1996? Was there some kind of gas leak in the offices of the Bond producers that caused them to go crazy in the brains and cast Teri Hatcher over Monica Bellucci? At least Monica’s time has finally come. I’ll say what you say to yourself when your drunk piece finally busts one after 45 minutes of you giving him a hand job: Better late than never!
Doesn’t that picture make you want to drop your chonies, bend over the hood of a gold Cutlass Supreme and take long drags from a cherry-flavored cigarillo while Midnight Star’s “Curious” plays on the radio?
The always fashionably-challenged afghan hound Adrien Brody dropped several dozen drops of his signature “sleazy lothario” swag at the premiere of The Grand Budapest Hotel at Lincoln Center in NYC last night. That lazily applied powder. That pucker. That $2 red shiny suit that’s begging for a sex stain. Now I know what that crazy, desperate slag Kaley Cuoco was going on about. Because that right there is the kind of man you’d move into your apartment the day after your first blind date. Then the day after that, he’d break up with you and as he was walking out the door for the final time, he’d throw you a farewell wink that’ll make your genitals drop and you wouldn’t even care that he had your TV in his arms and the money you kept in the freezer in his back pocket. Take my money and break my heart.
Here’s more of Adrien Brody looking like an extra from Casino last night and I also threw in pictures of Bill Murray, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum and others. May the panty creaming begin!