Cat Fight! Fur Flies As Choupette Lagerfeld, Olivia Benson And Nala Cat Vie For The Title Of Richest Cat In The World

January 5, 2023 / Posted by:

You know what, fuck Forbes and their ridiculous Richest Celebrities lists. Those chowderheads have gotten it so wrong so many times, they may as well pay Miss Cleo to pull their bullshit billionaire lists out of her ass. And she’s dead! That’s why, when it comes to rigorous accounting standards, fact-checking and journalistic excellence, one need look no further than the good folks over at AllAboutCats.com for all your celebrity wealth ranking needs. Not only do they make a clear distinction between the species, they actually seem to give a shit about which celebrity animals inherited their wealth, and which ones had to fight like cats and dogs and to earn their spot among the elites. Of course, some pups and pussies’ careers have unfairly benefited from their handlers’ renown, but in the dog-eat-dog business of show, pet show that is, nepetism can only get you so far.

So please, for the love of Bastet, don’t interrupt Olivia Benson’s morning ass-licking to tell her she’s been bumped by a blue-collar baddie from the shelter as the highest-earning cat in all of catdom. Taylor Swift’s pampered purebred is within a hair’s reach, but AAC reports that everyone’s favorite cross-eyed goon, Nala Cat, is the most lucrative pussy on the planet and is sitting pretty on top of a $100 million dollar nest egg. Nala earns her Fancy Feat the old-fashioned way: on her back.

She also has her own brand of cat food, called Love Nala, which features her likeness on every package.

OK, Nala! I’m not cross-eyed, so I see you! Go on with your bad self. Shit looks hella tasty too. As for Miss Olivia (who doesn’t even have an official Instagram!), she came in as the second richest cat with $97 million and “earned her fortune starring alongside her owner in several music videos, has crafted her own merchandise line, and has had cameos in many big-budget ads, including for the likes of Diet Coke and Ned Sneakers.” What, no directing? Oh, I see, Taylor can’t handle a little competition. Well, too bad. Olivia is absolutely going to be plopping her ass down in mommy’s director’s chair the moment her back is turned. While she may not be the richest feline in tinsel town (they love it there, it’s their Disneyland), Olivia makes up for what she lacks in monetary wealth with a messy as hell, give no fucks attitude.

Imagine $97 million in the bank and still showing up on the carpet looking like this. Taylor could learn a lot from this professional stunt queen. Meanwhile, Kunty Karl Lagerfeld’s precious child Choupette not only enters 2023 an orphan, she only has an orphan’s pittance, comparatively, with which to live out the rest of her days. Were you aware that Choupette hasn’t flown private since Karl kicked the bucket? Sad days. Sad days, indeed. Choupette has had nothing to eat but a single Tic Tac since Christmas.

Sad. I think we ALL know who’s to blame for her disordered eating. So if you should see Choupette, roaming the streets of Paris, meowing for a handout, please be kind. But also please remind that spoiled brat she’s still richer than most humans on the planet. And besides, she shouldn’t be out that late at night. It’s not safe. She could get jumped. By Ratatouille! Still, as rich as these cats are, none of them could catch Gunther VI, a canine corporate shill who’s worth a smooth-coated $500 million dollars, much of it in real estate holdings.

Fake ass bitch. I call Photoshop!

Here are the top 10 richest pets in the world, according to AllAboutCats:

Pics: Humberto Carreno/startraksphoto.com, AllAboutCats.com

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