Would you rather jet off to Spain with your hot husband for a wedding that is crawling with football hunks and has a top shelf open bar, or stay home to go to a loud ass concert just to say “hi” to your annoying ex-coworkers? Anybody picking the latter has something wrong with their brain. But Victoria Beckham’s no fool. Posh didn’t make it to the final show of The Spice Girls’ Spice World 2019 tour at Wembley stadium this past weekend which upset Mel B, even though Posh had a perfectly legitimate excuse (in addition to simply not giving a shit). Seriously, how many times does Posh have to show the sole of her 6-inch hot pink Victoria Beckham brand stiletto before Mel gets the picture? She’s good love, enjoy.
The Spice Girls movie is a masterpiece, so you would think that Mel C, Geri Halliwell, Victoria Beckham, Mel B, and Emma Bunton would never waste their time attempting to top such a level of celluloid success. But according to The Hollywood Reporter, the Spice Girls are making another movie. Just this time, it will be starring their cartoon likenesses instead.
The first night of the Spice Girls (sans Posh) UK reunion tour finally happened last night in Dublin, Ireland, and instead of the sound of a million post-pubescent nostalgia thirsty middle aged fans screaming “Zigzag Ah” along with the band, it was more like the crowd holding up ear trumpets and asking “Zigazig- HUH?” because the sound quality in Croke Park was so terrible, reportedly. Was this a calculated move to mask how awful the vocals
still now sound, or did the sound engineer forget to leave off all the mics except for Sporty Spice Mel C‘s like the old days? Come on, we all know that Sporty’s the only one who can really “sing“.
Before I went to bed last night, I read the headline: Mel B “Doing Fine Now” Following Treatment After Herpes Infection Rendered Her Blind. I thought that well, if you’re going to suffer through the horrible and terrifying fuckery of eyeball issues, it may as well be from something fucked-up yet interesting like HERPES. Unlike me, whose eyeball issues are from just shitty genetics.
But Mel B says that yes, it’s true that her vision is going through it, but it doesn’t seem like it’s because of Coachella’s #1 parting gift: herpes. And the Spice Girls (Minus Posh) reunion tour will go on!
Does Spirit have cheap flights to the UK next month? The Spice Girls bus, the one they drove around in the seminal Spice World movie, is an Airbnb now! You can sleep in it! You can pretend to be Posh, or Baby, or Scary, or Butch, or the infantile one! The Tower of London ain’t got shit on The Spice Girls bus!
If what you want, what you really, really want is some Spice Girls lesbian fanfiction come-to-life, Scary Spice has you covered. Because The Sun says that Mel B claims that she and Geri Halliwell bumped spice snatches once.