Category: HEAVILY PREGNANT
Lindsay Lohan Announced She’s Pregnant With Her First Child
The children of Moscow can rest easy tonight knowing that alleged attempted child napper Lindsay Lohan is pregnant with a child of her own. She has announced that she’s expecting her first child with her husband, Bader Shammas. Lindsay’s come a long way since those dark times, and people are asking, “is this a sign that a glorious new day is upon us?” As we know from our scriptures, no Lohanaissance is complete until five things occur, kinda like the seven seals of the apocalypse but more festive, and there are only five. They are as follows:
Elizabeth Holmes Has Given Birth To Her Second Child And Wants To Delay Her Prison Sentence Since She Has A Newborn Now
Today in Great News For Amanda Seyfried: Convicted fraudster Elizabeth Holmes‘ continued post-season antics have provided more than enough material to guarantee that Hulu will be reaching out to Amanda for a second season of The Dropout. And she hasn’t even started serving her 11-year prison sentence for fraud yet! According to People, Elizabeth has just given birth to her second child with husband Billy Evans, and has asked the court if it would be OK, given that she’s not a flight risk, not with a NEWBORN, if she could, pretty please, hold off on serving her time while she appeals her conviction. **stares in Elizabeth Holmes***
**stares in Elizabeth Holmes***
**stares in Elizabeth Holmes***
**stares in Elizabeth Holmes***
**STARES IN ELIZABETH HOLMES***
Prince Harry Scoffs At Jeremy Clarkson’s Most Recent Attempt To Apologize For What He Wrote About Meghan Markle In The Sun
Winnie the Pooh is OUT as Jeremy Clarkson’s apology ghostwriter. Jeremy has issued a new public “mea culpa with bells on” to Instagram because “the people who called for it” were unmoved by Jeremy’s initial “Oh dear. I’ve rather put my foot in it” plea for absolution he posted on Twitter addressing the backlash he received over his column in The Sun in which he stated he hates Meghan Markle “on a cellular level” and how he fantasizes “of the day when she is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, ‘Shame!’ and throw lumps of excrement at her.” Frankly, I’m shocked Pooh even took that gig to begin with. We don’t need Britain’s #1 tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff ghostwriter associated with the likes of Jeremy. Jerm’s on his own now, and unfortunately, he still can’t get the job done. SilenCED no more; Prince Harry’s not having it.
The “Wagatha Christie” Libel Trial Between Rebekah Vardy And Coleen Rooney Has Begun
In the market for a light and breezy libel trial? If so then do I have good news for you! The Independent reports that the “Wagatha Christie” trial between British football wives Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney kicked off today with Coleen’s barrister reading the words “Peter’s hung like a small chipolata, shaved, slobbery, lasts five minutes” into the record. The peter in question doesn’t even belong to either of their husbands. It belongs to Peter Andre who Rebekah had had a dalliance with and detailed in a 2004 interview in News Of The World.
Rihanna Continues Her Belly-Baring Pregnancy Style At An Ulta Event
Ever since Rihanna announced at the end of January that she’s pregnant with her and A$AP Rocky’s first child, she’s been serving the bare belly looks. That unborn baby is lucky it’s surrounded by amniotic fluid or else it would have caught hypothermia by now. And when Rihanna went to an Ulta launch event for Fenty Beauty, she continued her trend of stunting with her belly out, wearing a shimmery skirt and a top that kept her titties covered by the grace of God alone.
Adele Did Vogue’s “73 Questions” And Showed Off A Wad Of Celine Dion’s Used Chewing Gum
Nobody is ever going to accuse Adele of not doing enough to promote her 4th studio album, 30. In addition to appearing on both the British and American covers, Adele did the 73 Questions thing for Vogue and even though he wasn’t anywhere in the vicinity (as far as we know, he might have been lurking in the bushes wearing that horny mouse costume), James Corden still managed to wriggle his way into the spotlight! Adele says that James, who is a producer on her upcoming concert special for CBS, gifted her with her most prized possession — a piece of Celine Dion’s ABC gum, framed, that he had her spit into a piece of paper after she appeared on Carpool Karaoke. Adele showed off the gift about 70 questions in, just as I had been lulled into passivity by her low, dulcet voice and languid, slow-blinking eyelashes. Took me right out of it, almost as if a giant mouse jumped out in front of my car and started humping my side mirror.