Open Post: Hosted By KFC’s Fried Chicken-Scented Firelog

December 13, 2018 / Posted by:

KFC isn’t content with its customers merely poisoning their bodies with their chemically laced Frankenchickens, so they’ve come up with a festive new way to introduce poisons into your bloodstream. Just in time for the holidays, KFC has introduced the 11 Herbs & Spices Firelog. That’s right, a firelog that will make your house smell like KFC. It’s an abomination but also pretty genius. I don’t eat KFC, I don’t like KFC, I don’t support KFC, but whenever I smell KFC, I immediately want KFC. This is the second greatest trick the Devil ever pulled. Even just typing KFC this many times, is making me crave KFC. DAMN YOU KFC!! Burn in chicken scented hell!

Here’s what KFC has to say about this product.

Imbued with the unmistakable, mouth-watering aroma of Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe, the KFC 11 Herbs & Spices Firelog finally puts to rest the age-old dilemma, “How can I make this fire a hundred bajillion times better?” This one-of-a-kind firelog from Enviro-Log, a leading manufacturer of firelogs made of 100 percent recycled materials, is the result of countless hours of research and development, all done over the last couple of months since we had this idea. Pick up a firelog today, and you’ll be wondering how you were ever able to enjoy a fire that didn’t smell like fried chicken.

What about people who don’t have fireplaces? KFC flavored vape cartridges? I should quit before I give them any ideas.

The KFC log is priced at $18.99 for a single log that will burn for 2.5-3 hours. I have a hard time walking by a KFC and smelling them shits for 5 seconds before having to remind myself what that greasy, grey chicken flesh looks like underneath its sexy brown coating. Smelling it for 3 hours would be a torturous ordeal punctuated by shame, loathing, nausea, salivation, and disgust.

If your chicken lust and curiosity have already gotten the best of you, and you would like try a KFC log for yourself, get in virtual line. They’re all sold out already. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.

Pic: KFC

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