Category: Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan Pokes Fun At Herself In A Super Bowl Commercial For Planet Fitness
She’s back, bitches! In the three years since her MTV reality show Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club got shitcanned, Lindsay Lohan has clawed and scratched her way back up to the lower-middle and is starring in a Planet Fitness commercial that will air during the Super Bowl! Now, it’s a bit premature to say her acting career is skyrocketing towards where it once was, but I think we could say she’s at least found the keys to a reasonably priced midsize sedan and is planning to go put some gas in the tank as soon as that Planet Fitness check clears so she can eventually hit the road to success at a safe and responsible speed.
Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged
And in a PLOT TWIST, that headline is not unfinished and I didn’t mean to write: Lindsay Lohan Is Engaged… In Alleged Shady Activity. Lindsay Lohan is engaged to her boyfriend of about two years, Bader Shammas, a man who may be the only human on earth willing to marry into the Lohan family. I’m sure that Dina Lohan has already introduced herself to every single person who Bader is even a little bit related to by calling them up and saying, “Hello, it’s me, White Oprah, and since we’re family now, I was wondering if you could give me a little loan. I take cash, crypto, all major and minor credit cards, Venmo, Square Cash, Apple Pay, Google Pay, and I can even send a carrier pigeon if that’s easier!”
Open Post: Hosted By The First Look At Lindsay Lohan’s Netflix Christmas Movie
It’s that time of year where the weather is getting chillier, Mariah Carey is raking in the cash, and we’re starting to drown in the deluge of made-for-TV holiday movies. And who better to make our Christmases bright and gay than Lindsay Lohan! In case you missed this earth-shattering news, Lindsay is back from her self-appointed exile in Europe and Dubai (we could only stay lucky for so long) and is slated to star in Netflix’s holiday-themed movie, “Untitled Holiday Rom-Com!” Yeah, they still haven’t named the thing, so you know it’s going to be film excellence.
Lindsay Lohan Has Really Doggone And Done It This Time! She’s Pissed Off The Furries!
Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, you do not need this. I mean, Lindsay Lohan’s probably already dealing with non-stop calls from Scam Likely (that’s how Dina Lohan comes up on everyone’s phone) who is begging for commissary money for generic-brand Tang and hair bleach to keep up her beauty during her 18-day stint in the clink for her latest DWI. And now LiLo’s dodging flaming polyester hairballs of rage hocked at her by the furries who are pissed over her latest NFT. Yes, the furries are barking mad at LiLo over an NFT. It’s like 2007 and 2021 collided into a pile of Wait, What?!.
Dina Lohan Got Sentenced To 18 Days In Jail For Her Latest DWI
Back in 2020, Dina Lohan elevated her craft by scoring herself a DWI charge after allegedly hitting another car in an Outback Steakhouse parking lot and then booking it from the scene of the crime. She was facing six months in the slammer for her actions but she got off with a slap on the wrist. Although, she will be jailed. TMZ says Dina has been sentenced to 18 days in the slammer.
The New York Post Called Out Chrissy Teigen For Bullying Lindsay Lohan And She’s Apologized Again
Welcome to 2021— A year unlike any other where Lindsay Lohan gets a three-page piece in The New York Post all about her triumphant return to world domination just as Chrissy Teigen has been shamed into silence for her legacy as a Twitter troll. Do you know how much devastating Lohanaissance material Chrissy probably has saved in her drafts? Sadly, we’ll probably never find out because Chrissy has issued yet another apology for her past behavior and swears she’s left the “insecure, immature” person she used to be in the past. But as Chrissy seeks absolution, there’s one person who’s not going to let her forget the lives she ruined, and that person is Dina Lohan!