After nine long months in a Russian jail, WNBA star Brittney Griner has been freed and is on her way back to America! This morning President Joe Biden announced that 32-year-old Brittney was released in a prisoner swap that involved Russian arms dealer Viktor Bout. Viktor, aka the “Merchant of Death,” smuggled weapons from Eastern Europe to Africa and the Middle East for nearly two decades. In 2011, he was convicted of conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens and officials and provide aid to terrorists. It sucks that this murderous trash bag is even being mentioned in the same breath as a woman who accidentally smuggled cannabis cartridges into Russia, but hey, that’s international politics, baby!
I realize Dennis Rodman thought his influence on the international stage could help aid with the release of Brittney Griner in Russia, but that’s not happening. And not because he doesn’t have permission to enter the country, but mainly because the U.S. Government immediately told him to sit his ass down and let the professionals handle the work. And now, Dennis is forced to walk back all of his comments and have several seats, much like he should have done when he originally revealed his crusade.
Earlier this month, WNBA star Brittney Griner was sentenced to 9 years in prison in Russia after she pleaded guilty to drug charges she was hit with for accidentally bringing in cannabis cartridges into the country. The U.S. government is currently working on a prisoner swap deal with Russia. But in the meantime, Dennis Rodman is here to save the day. In a move towards becoming the new Liam Neeson, he is ready to risk life and limb to bring Brittney home safely, even though nobody asked him to take on the task. But Dennis is more than willing to help with negations since he has a pretty solid relationship with the Russians.
She’s back, bitches! In the three years since her MTV reality show Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club got shitcanned, Lindsay Lohan has clawed and scratched her way back up to the lower-middle and is starring in a Planet Fitness commercial that will air during the Super Bowl! Now, it’s a bit premature to say her acting career is skyrocketing towards where it once was, but I think we could say she’s at least found the keys to a reasonably priced midsize sedan and is planning to go put some gas in the tank as soon as that Planet Fitness check clears so she can eventually hit the road to success at a safe and responsible speed.
Well, looks like Denise Richards has some company in the Maskless Morons Clubs. TMZ says that Dennis Rodman got a talking to from the police after he refused to mask up during his JetBlue flight. This is shocking, because who knew that a man who has made friends with a Dictator would be bad at making decisions. Continue reading
One of the things I know about Jose Canseco (besides that he’s an HGH-pumped mess) is that back in his 2008 autobiography Vindicated, he claimed Madonna had allegedly courted him as a sperm donor in the 90s. According to Jose, she basically cornered him like, “Listen, I want you to get me pregnant.” According to a new story from Dennis Rodman, that was Madonna’s go-to move in the 90s when she had both baby fever and a professional athlete’s phone number. Although Dennis adds a new layer to his experience, which is that Madonna was willing to trade millions of her money for millions of his sperm.