The Amazing Theater Queen Feud That Could’ve Been: Andrew Lloyd Webber v. Nicole Scherzinger

May 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Susan Sarandon and Debra Messing can officially stop fighting now, because the random feud baton has been snatched up by Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.

When the Cats revival opened in London in 2014, Nicole Scherzinger (aka the leader of the Pussycat Dolls and a member of underrated girl group of the aughts Eden’s Crush) played the glamour cat Grizabella. At the time, Sir ALW couldn’t slobber out enough streams of praise over her performance. He said that Nicole’s performance of the show’s biggest song “Memory” was the greatest recording of his music ever, which is saying a lot since the likes of Barbra Streisand, Betty Buckley, his ex-wife Sarah Brightman and Elaine Paige have all recorded his stuff. Sir ALW said that Nicole would bring her Grizabella to Broadway and take NYC by STORM! But well….

The Broadway cast of the Cats revival, which will start terrorizing NYC this summer, was announced earlier this week and Nicole Scherzinger’s name was not on the list. The rep only said that the casting for Grizabella would be announced later. It’s not going to be Nicole. During an interview with the Economist Radio (via The Guardian), Sir ALW said that Nicole pulled out of the cast at the last minute and decided to go back to being a judge on The X-Factor UK instead. Sir ALW also threw a few digs at her ass. It’s best to read this while picturing Sir ALW gently sipping scalding hot Earl’s Grey tea from a gold teacup while lounging in a Chippendale’s armchair with scarves all around his neck and a fluffy white cat on his lap.

“A week before we were due to go into rehearsal for Cats on Broadway, which luckily I’m not producing, she calls me and says she’s decided she wants to do X Factor, having agreed everything. I mean, she’s crazy. But the American producers just took a view, ‘Well, fine, we’ll get somebody else’, because she’s actually not very well known in America, amazingly. She’s much better known here.

I’m furious because I really believe she’s the most fantastically talented girl and I went out on a limb to get her for the London Palladium here, and it makes me look like an absolute twat with them all. But never mind, there’ll be another girl on Broadway and Nicole will not get her Tony award.”

“Honey, you made yourself look like a fat twat a long time ago,” said Patti LuPone who famously found out through the newspaper that she got replaced by Glenn Close in the Broadway premiere of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Sunset Boulevard.

My life is boring and I wanted some real theatrical drama, so I was hoping that Nicole Scherzinger would spit back at Sir ALW with some fightin’ words. But she remained boring by saying in a statement that her contract to do Broadway was never finalized and they just couldn’t make it work and she hopes to work with Andrew again and blah blah blah blah who cares.

I’ve always thought that Maya Rudolph’s Beyonce was more like “Maya Rudolph doing Nicole Scherzinger,” so that’s who should be the new Grizabella on Broadway. Maya Rudolph doing Grizabella as Nicole Scherzinger would be way better than Nicole Scherzinger doing Grizabella as Nicole Scherzinger.

Here’s Nicole yodeling out “Memory” at the Olivier Awards in London last year. I have to agree with Sir ALW. Nobody does it like Nicole. She’s bringing the raw emotions, and at the 3:38 mark she perfectly captures a sad and lonely alley cat in pain. Sing it, Nicole, sing it until bitches call the RSPCA!

Pic: @OfficialALW

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