Justin Bieber spent $35,000 for two Frankencats and doesn’t know how to pronounce “duvet”. Is this your king?! According to The Hollywood Reporter, newly re-weds Justin and Hailey Baldwin recently welcomed two Savannah kittens into their home. Savannah cats are exotic cat hybrids which are wild African serval cats crossed with domestic cats. What could go wrong? Given Justin’s track record with pets, Sushi and Tuna (never mind the fact that this naming convention is redundant and doesn’t really work) have about as much hope of making it through puberty in the bosom of the Bieber family, as poor Malley the monkey has of ever becoming fluent in German (he’s still living in a German zoo after being abandoned by Justin). Complex doesn’t call Justin the “sketchy, black-market, PETA-enraging Dr. Dolittle of pop music” for nothing.
Sushi and Tuna have only been living with Justin and Hailey for a couple of weeks, and they’re already having to earn their keep by becoming Instagram stars. (via THR):
Naturally, the pair are already Instagram-famous with their own page, @kittysushiandtuna, and 94,000 followers, after Bieber created the account over the weekend. He is promising free merch from his fashion line Drew House to the millionth follower (no concert tickets?). “Becoming a crazy cat man,” Bieber wrote on Instagram, referring to himself as their “daddy.”
Justin purchased Sushi and Tuna from a breeder in Illinois called Select Exotics, which kind of makes them sound like the cheap Safeway brand cats, but they cost “$20,000 and $15,000, respectively”. One warning on Select Exotics’ website for new Savannah cat owners is that they love to piss on comforters. Apparently, spraying is a common behavior for Savannah cats. Here’s Justin and Sushi in bed with mommy. Justin cut this video off a little too late for us not to notice he pronounces “duvet” as “dove-it”.
Select Exotics also warns that Savannah cats will chew through anything and advises new owners give the “extra care you would give to a human baby in the crawling stage, and possibly then some” by not leaving shit out that they might try to eat. Now take a look at his bedside table in that video above. Prayers up for Sushi and Tuna.
THR says that Sushi and Tuna are 57% serval and can grow to be 20 inches tall and weigh 15 – 30 pounds. They can be trained to use a litter box and “most love to play fetch, ride in cars, and relish outdoor walks on a leash“. I mean, of course they’re adorable and fun. Now. While they’re little.
But they’re also illegal in many states.
The nonprofit Savannah Cat Association notes that Savannahs are legally restricted or banned in states including Colorado, Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, Nebraska, New York, Texas and Vermont. California and South Carolina allow all Savannah cats.
And that’s probably the allure. Why have a boring regular cat that any asshole with a can of tuna and an open door could have, when you can afford to breathe the same rarefied air as Siegfried and Roy and Joe Exotic? Like I said before, what could go wrong?