Mrs. White Doesn’t Understand

February 25, 2009 / Posted by:

When it was announced a while ago by Satan that the legendary classic comedy Clue would get murdered by HELLywood in a remake, I screamed, I cried and I died. Then I told myself that this shit will never happen, because God won’t let it. Well, I was wrong, because a director was just hired. A real director.

Variety (via Coming Soon) reports that Gore Verbinski will helm the guillotine which Clue lays in. Gore has directed the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and The Ring. Universal said they will turn Clue into “a global thriller and transmedia event that uses deductive reasoning as its storytelling engine.

What in the singing telegram fuckery is this?! A global thriller? The shit takes place in one mansion during one night! Fuckness. And it’s a LOLcomedy not a thriller! They are totally going to make Mr. Boddy go on the lamb (typo, but lambs are cute) Bourne-style. Madeline Kahn is weeping from heaven.

All I can say is that hearing this mess makes me feel “flam – flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breath- heaving breaths. Heaving breath…

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