After we were promised that the Cats movie was going to be every layer of insane, and after everyone prepared to throw their pussies against the screen from getting teased with Idris Elba shaking his shit as the mysterious criminal pussy overlord Macavity, the trailer finally hit our eyeballs and souls, and you better grab a gallon jug of holy water and hide the cat nip before pressing play. Because it is a night terror for all your senses. It does not disappoint.
They honestly should’ve waited until August 26 to release this trailer, because that’s International Dog Day, and this hacked-up musical hairball is a gift to canines everywhere. They’re all going to howl with happiness into the air over how Hollywood did catmanity. If this doesn’t cause all cats to finally rise up against us evil humans, I don’t know what will.
If you took your Lord of The Rings DVD box-set and dramatically fed each disk to a blazing fire on account of Sir Ian McKellen’s bad hot take on Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer, why’d you do that? The fumes will kill you! Also, Ian has apologized. Comments Ian made on the #QueerAF podcast last week surfaced, and they were ick-nasty. He posited that Kevin and Bryan’s predatory behavior was a result of their having been closeted. He said if they were open about “themselves and their desires, they wouldn’t have started abusing people” which is patently absurd. Thankfully, Ian has seen the light, which is hard to avoid when your publicist is pointing a flashlight directly into your peep-holes.
I guess running lines with Taylor Swift on the Cats set is getting to Ian McKellen because he gave an interview recently where he was asked about #MeToo and the likes of Kevin Spacey and Bryan Singer. Ian has already waded into the #MeToo soundbite waters juuuuust enough to make his publicist want to toss back a giant martini. Wellp, he did it again by blaming Kevin and Bryan’s horrible behavior on being closeted.
“Memoryyyyy…I still get chills when I think…of how awkward it was when….a man in a spandex cat suit slunk up to me in the audience of Caaaaaats.” Can you tell I’m still traumatized by the time fate dealt me the hand of hell by having me sit in an aisle seat for my first viewing of Cats? I am not an audience participation type, and so yeah – an aisle seat for Cats wasn’t a great experience. But I’m still a fan of Cats. So even though I cringed a little at “Taylor Swift,” I’m still into this news. Mostly because a film adaptation means there’s zero chance she’ll leap off the screen and do weird cat pantomimes around me while I try to hide behind my popcorn bag.
Sir Ian McKellen is 78 years old. The average life expectancy of a man in the UK is 79.4. So it’s only natural for him to regularly think about the day when a million “Sir Ian McKellen Has Left Us. What Is The Point Of Going On?” headlines pop up after he waltzes with the Grim Reaper up to the heavens. The Independent says that in a new documentary about his life called McKellen: Playing The Part, Sir Ian says that every single day, he thinks about the moment when death takes his ass. Me too, Gandalf, me too. It’s nice to know that when Sir Ian and I both lay awake at night, we think about how one day we’ll be lying in a coffin. Only I think about how the doctors will forget to check that I’m dead dead, and the mortician will forget to embalm me, and I’ll wake up in my coffin and curse my family for not cremating me like I asked! Don’t know if Sir Ian has the same vision or not.
One would think the surge in accusers coming forward to snatch the weaves of Hollywood’s serial sexual predators would kick in a dose of common sense on some people who might not entirely agree with the movement to think, “Rather than voice my concerns, how about I avoid a firestorm and go see Star Wars?” Alas, Star Wars is sold out, so those concerns are getting voiced. Donna Karan said women were basically asking to get preyed upon by Harvey Weinstein, Lindsay Lohan made a “Leave Harvey alone!!” video, and now Sir Ian McKellen is here to talk about how not all victims may be as squeaky clean as they’re admitting. Continue reading