Category: Hot Slut of the Year
Who Is Hot Slut Of 2020? Vote In Round Three!
Chang Wan-ji and Hsu Sho-er, the best duo to happen to fashion since Spandex biker shorts under shredded jean coochie cutters, has won the second round in the Hot Slut of the Year semifinals by getting about 39% of the votes. They will go on to the final round where they will battle for the HSOTY crown (read: an old Burger King crown with “Hot Slut” scribbled over “Burger” with a Sharpie) against the winner of round one, Leslie Jordan, and the winner of this round. Your choices for round three are:
September: Nomi Malone’s Ver-sayce Dress, the best thing that Versace has ever designed (JLo’s 2000 Grammys dress, who?!) because its timeless elegance caught the eye of Nomi Malone in Showgirls and became an icon of fashion and sophistication.
October: The Fly, the six-legged spotlight stealer who easily became the breakout star of the Vice-Presidential Debate when it landed on the field of white on the dome of cyborg Mike Pence and was later chosen as the new Secretary Of Agriculture by Joe Biden (just let me believe).
November: Grittney, the stunning British kin of Gritty who made all of Britain say, “Trump should lose an election more often,” when she lit up the streets and loins by celebrating Trump’s loss in an American flag bikini.
December: Dionne Warwick’s Twitter Account, the Twitter podium where noted hussynator and wisdom dispenser Dionne Warwick entertains her subjects and reveals important layers of herself, like her biggest regret being finding out why Armie Hammer was trending on Twitter. “Same,” said everyone.
Voting is below. The winner of the third round will be announced when voting starts in the final round on Thursday, January 21!
Who Is Hot Slut Of 2020? Vote In Round Two!
Leslie Jordan, one of the sparkly stars of quarantine, is the first Hot Slut of 2020 finalist after easily winning 60% of your votes in round one. So now we’re on to round two to find out who will take on America’s Newest Sweetheart, Leslie Jordan, and the winner of round three. Your choices are:
May: Alejandro Muñoz, the employee of a Gelson’s in Dana Point, CA who gracefully did the unbothered twirl when an anti-mask attention whore unsuccessfully tried to ruffle his unruffled feathers while complaining about wearing a mask.
June: Augie, the elder pooch who became the World’s Oldest Golden Retriever, as far as we know, when she turned 20 on April 24, 2020, and celebrated with a party where she threw the “Couldn’t you just leave a slice of cake at my door and save me from all this?” look that my abuelita threw at her birthday parties.
July: Chang Wan-ji and Hsu Sho-er, the husband and wife fashionistas of Taiwan who used the clothes left behind by customers of their laundromat to become the only fashion influencers I trust or care about.
August: Electra and Viola, the lesbian penguins at Spain’s Oceanogràfic Valencia aquarium who adopted, incubated, and hatched an egg, and will hopefully one day star in a penguin reboot of The Kids Chicks Are All Right.
Voting is below, and the winner of round two will be named when we vote on round three on Monday, January 18!
Pics: Instagram, Golden Hearts, Instagram, Facebook
Who Is Hot Slut Of 2020? Vote In Round One!
Dionne Warwick’s Twitter Account won December’s Hot Slut of the Month showdown with 40% of your votes, so now we can finally begin to vote on who was the most sparkling of sparkling bright spots in the pus-oozing urethra rash that was 2020.
Protect your voting finger this week (no vigorous finger banging) and make sure to do plenty of finger yoga, because you’re going to need that shit to repeatedly vote over the next two weeks, or so. The Hot Slut of the Year battle is made up of four rounds. In the first three rounds, each HSOTM from 2020 will go up against each other, and the winners of those three rounds will go on to the final round. This is also a trip down memory lane because believe it or not, January 2020 was just 12 months ago and so much has happened then. Sadly, all that news filling my brain pushed aside the beautiful memory of the nutsack pants! Speaking of, here are the HSOTMs in round one:
January: Perdita, the mean pussy who was named the World’s Worst Cat by the Mitchell County Animal Rescue in Spruce Pine, North Carolina.
February: Harikrishnan’s Ballbottoms, the elegant pair of pants that are perfect for those who want their legs to look like the Michelin Man’s crotch eggs.
March: Chi-Town Bonnie, the badass from Chicago who let a bleach blonde moron and others know that she’s not the one when it comes to thinking coronavirus is a hoax.
April: Leslie Jordan, the human diamond who has gotten us through quarantine more than a sourdough starter has.
Voting is below, and I’ll let you know who won when we start round two on Thursday, January 14!
Dlisted’s Hot Slut Of 2019 Is….
Judge Rosemarie Aquilina’s reign as our Hot Slut of the Year queen has come to an end, and she served us well, even though she probably has no damn idea in Hell that she was HSOTY. (If she did know, she’d probably hit me with a cease and desist!) Queen Judge Rosemarie was a perfect HSOTY, which yes, is easy to do since a HSOTY’s only duty is to not get arrested for putting a hit out on someone.
We have a new Hot Slut of the Year. It came down to the best thing to happen to a basketball game since bulge-showing shorts (The Utah Jazz Dandelion), a chunky pussy wonder (Mr. B), and a storytelling maestro and stripper legend (Tanqueray). The results are after the cut, and before you take the jump, do some stretches to prepare to bow down to our new HSOTY champion!
Who Is Our Hot Slut Of 2019? Vote In The Final Round!
We finally made it to the most important election of 2020 BY FAR! And I say that after reaching deep into the crevices of my corroded brain to dig around for info about a more important election in 2020 that will seriously affect our lives and change everything. I couldn’t really find a more important one, but while digging around my brain, I did find the extremely important fact that Sharon Stone was considered for the Linda Blair role in The Exorcist. I even turned on the news and there was nothing about an election that is more important than this one. So yes, the Hot Slut of 2019 final IS the most important showdown of 2020!
April’s Hot Slut of the Month, The Utah Jazz Dandelion, and August’s Hot Slut of the Month, Mr. B, have already won two of three spots in the Hot Slut of 2019 final. And they will go up against November’s Hot Slut of the Month, Tanqueray, who won 44.68% of the votes in round three. Because I like repeating myself, here are the three who are in the running to be named our Hottest Hot Slut of 2019.
We will crown our Hot Slut ruler of the year next Friday, January 24. Voting is below. I’ve hid the results so you can truly be SHOCKED by the winner. You’re going to need to hit up Angie’s List for a good contractor who can reinforce the edge of your seat since you’re going to be on it the entire time, I’m sure!
https://poll.fm/10492410
Who Is Our Hot Slut Of 2019? Vote In Round Three!
Two out of three spots for the Hot Slut of the Year finals have now been filled, and thanks to 35.72% of your votes, the chunky pussy wonder that is Mr. B will battle it out with The Utah Jazz Dandelion and the winner of round three. Which brings us to round three..
Round three is a showdown between our Hot Sluts of the fall and winter. Your choices for round three are:
September, Save A Doe Chloe – Saint Savior to the Bambis who repeatedly saved a deer after that deer kept getting stuck in a fence during her run. When Disney eventually does the all-CGI remake of Bambi, they better cast Save A Doe Chloe as the hero who saves Bambi’s mom before she gets shot. And now I’ve got the sads over Bambi’s mom.
October, Cinderblock – the big ole’ furry ball of puss who won over the internet by giving us the reboot of The Biggest Loser we need but don’t deserve.
November, Tanqueray – the legend who has been a legend the entire time but we never knew it until Humans of New York featured her instantly iconic stripper tales and we all became disciples of The Church of Tanqueray!
December, Ben Franklin – the genius grifter who totally trained to be a therapy dog just so he could get a job with the police department and sneakily steal toys meant for needy children in a toy drive. Pimp Mama Kris, who?!
Voting is below, and the winner of round three will be named when we start voting in the final round on the most important day of YOUR life, this Friday, January 17!
https://poll.fm/10490766
Pics: Instagram, Instagram, Instagram, Boston 25 News