If a Hot Slut of the Day Museum ever happens, it’ll be housed in the accessed-from-the-outside bathroom of a Texaco in Beverly Hills, Florida and its operating hours will be whenever someone isn’t taking a shit (although, operating while someone is taking a shit will be very on brand too). But that’s besides the point, the point is that in the Hot Slut of the Day to Hot Slut of Cell Block D section (which will be over the toilet), you would find a picture of one-time HSOTD Joe Exotic. Because Joe Exotic has been sentenced to 22 years in prison, and he wasn’t sentenced after a jury decided his blindingly stunning swamp baby of Guy Fieri and Joe Dirt looks are a danger to eyeballs that can’t take such glamour. Joe Exotic was sentenced to 22 years in prison for putting a hit out on one of his rivals. “You sure can pick ’em!” is usually said by a mother to the son who has chosen to date me. But now it can also be said to me about my HSOTD choices.
Joe Exotic was mostly known as a Dollar Tree Siegfried & Roy. Joe was an “exotic zookeeper” from Oklahoma who raised big cats, and when he wasn’t doing that, he claims he was modeling (shut up, hater!), acting, doing philanthropical stuff, being a good husband to his two husbands, and trying to run for president. But now he’s known as a convicted felon and attempted murderer.
Mieka wrote about Joe Exotic pulling criminal foolery in 2018 after he was arrested for trying to kill Carole Baskin, the CEO of the Tampa, FL-based Big Cats Rescue, an animal rights organization that regularly shit on the shitty practices of Joe’s roadside zoo. Carole also won a $1 million judgement against Joe Exotic, whose real name is Joseph Maldonado-Passage, after he fucked with her by changing the name of his zoo to Big Cat Rescue Entertainment. Joe tried to take Carole out in 2017.
Joe originally paid an employee $3,000 to do the job, and that employee took the money and ran. So Joe put the word out, and that led to the feds finding out about his murderous schemes. An undercover FBI agent pretending to be a possible hit man met up with Joe, who gave the agent all the details. Joe was put into handcuffs and hit with murder-for-hire charges as well as charges for falsifying wildlife records and for violating the Endangered Species Act. The latter two are due to the accusations that Joe Exotic faked documents for the sale of exotic animals and also personally shot and killed five tigers in 2017. A MESS bigger than what’s on Joe Exotic’s head.
USA Today says that the trial began in March 2019, and the jury watched video from Facebook of Joe shooting a blow-up doll made up to be Carole, as well as hearing the recording of that undercover FBI takedown. So because of all that evidence, it’s no surprise that he was convicted in April 2019. Joe Exotic was sentenced in Pensacola, FL yesterday and the judge gave him 22 years in prison. via Newsweek
U.S. District Judge Scott L. Palk sentenced Maldonado-Passage to 264 months in federal prison. The majority of that time is due to the attempted murder for hire charge.
The judge also should’ve ordered Joe Exotic to stay away from all living things, because you know he’s going to set up an illegal zoo in the prison yard using stray cats covered with tiger stripes made with an off-brand Sharpie from the commissary. And if only I was in court for sentencing yesterday, I would’ve stood up and let Joe Exotic know I am officially stripping his title of HSOTD. I’m sure that would’ve made him drop to his knees in sorrow and beg the judge for immediate death instead.
Pic: Santa Rosa County Jail