Category: Get Detective La Toya On The Case
Emily Ratajkowski Hinted That She And Harry Styles Might’ve Been Dating For Close To Two Months Before Being Papped Together In Tokyo
Since Emily Ratajkowski split from her 5 ‘clock shadowed predator (allegedly) ghost of an Elizabethan child–Sebastian Bear-McClard–last July, she’s been linked to a rapid parade of men. Most recently, she was spotted getting her face slurped on by Harry Styles in Tokyo on March 25–not too long after her and Eric Andre’s Valentine’s Day nude “draw me like one of your pick-me-ass-bitches” stunts. But according to what Emily said during an early March podcast interview, she and Harry might have already been dating for almost two months when they were papped making out.
Jameela Jamil Isn’t Lying About Her Health Woes, So Says Jameela Jamil
Jameela Jamil is usually the one throwing out accusations and dragging people. Jameela has come after the Kardashians, a pregnant Amber Rose, and Cardi B for pushing poop tea on Instagram (which led to IG changing its policies). And she’s shit (a shit that wasn’t produced by poop tea) on Photoshopping. Those are just some of the things that Jameela has spoken out about. But lately, she’s been on the other end of it. Jameela was side-eyed for suddenly coming out as queer after getting criticized for producing and judging a vogueing competition for HBO Max (the timing of which, she agrees is suspect). And now writer Tracie Egan Morrissey has brought out receipts that make it look like the star of The Good Place is starring in a real-life episode of The Lying Place. Jameela has been accused of having Munchausen’s, and she denies it all.
Was It Tom Brady, Dexter Or A Young Willem Dafoe Who Allegedly Threatened Stormy Daniels?
Donald Trump definitely spent 90% of his morning and afternoon (okay, 100% of his morning and afternoon) sounding out the words while writing, “invoise 2 Stormee Danyulls: one millyun dollers 4 openeneng up yr hor mouf on tevees,” on his presidential stationary today. Because Stormy Daniels violates the NDA she signed with Trump every time she publicly talks about their alleged one-night fuck. And she earned herself another $1 million violation today when she talked about it on The View with her panty cream-inducing stubble head lawyer Michael Avenatti.
Stormy didn’t really say anything she hadn’t already said on 60 Minutes, but she did bring the pecking hens of The View something new. She brought them a sketch of the goon she claims threatened her and her daughter. The sketch has got the internet playing a big ole’ game of Harpo, Who Dis Goon?
The Police In Rio Are Suspiciously Squinting At Ryan Lochte’s Robbery Story
Perpetually confused Labradoodle Ryan Lochte claimed that on early Sunday morning he and three of his teammates were robbed at gunpoint by thieves in cop drag. Ryan claimed that the thieves in police camouflage pulled over the taxi he and the other swimmers got in after partying at France House. They were going back to the athletes’ village. Ryan said that the thieves put a gun to his busted Anderson Cooper-ass hair, to which he said, “Whatever.” The thieves allegedly stole everyone’s wallet and money, but let them keep their cellphones and credentials.
Ryan’s mom confirmed the story to the media on Sunday. The IOC originally said that Mother Goose must have written that story because it’s a fable. They eventually confirmed it to be true. The police and courts in Rio aren’t so sure, and after doing an investigation, a judge ordered for Ryan and fellow U.S. swimmer James Feigen to hand over their passports. Ryan has put his hands on the side of his head and is going, “Nah nah nah nah you can’t catch me,” to the judge, because he’s already back in the states.
Richard Simmons Is Not Being Held Hostage, So Claims Richard Simmons
Over the weekend, many of us pulled out our St. Richard candle, put on our silky prayin’ shorts and slipped a black sequined veil over our faces before saying a million prayers for Richard Simmons. Others, put on their Spandex camouflage cat suits as they made plans to rescue Richard Simmons from his hostage situation. Because on Saturday, the New York Daily News published a long piece about the disappearance of the human halo of fabulousness and it included interviews with friends who believe that he’s being held against his will by his manager, brother and housekeeper. One friend believes that his housekeeper cast some bruja shit on Richard. Well, Richard’s voice has popped up to tell everyone that his maid Teresa Reveles isn’t holding him captive, everything is fine and we can call off Operation: Save The Sequined Treasure.