Constantly sprinting to her lawyer’s office to deal with her ex-husband Jason Sudeikis’ fast and loose filing finger and juking from frenemy Emily Ratajkowski’s desperate attempts to apologize for making out with her ex-boyfriend, Harry Styles, must not be intense enough cardio for Olivia Wilde; so she also frequents Gwyneth Paltrow’s shifty hype-woman friend/celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson’s gym. But Olivia and Harry must not have discussed who would get the gym in their November breakup; because he also still goes there, and they both showed up yesterday and very narrowly avoided running into each other and having to exchange fake awkward pleasantries right in front of the paps who are curiously always stationed there.
A fisherman almost perished in the deep blue Atlantic last Friday when a humpback whale (accidentally?) scooped him up into its four-foot-wide mouth! 56-year-old Michael Packard was diving for lobsters off of Cape Cod when he felt a big bump. Suddenly, he was engulfed in darkness, cuz bitch was in a whale’s mouth. After about 30 to 40 seconds, Michael saw the light (he didn’t die, the whale had kindly breached the surface), and he was spat back out. Michael’s mate Josiah Mayo witnessed the incident, retrieved his friend, and called for help. Except for a few bruises, Michael is fine. As for the whale, it was just pissed Michael wasn’t squid, krill, or salmon.