Miranda Kerr almost didn’t date her husband, Snapchat founder bazillionaire Evan Spiegel, because after taking one look at him, she thought he looked more like Evan Sméagol with his horrid face. Miranda just admitted that she was temporarily un-blinded by the dollar signs shooting out of her eyes (uh huh) when she first met Evan, and she almost passed him over because she couldn’t get down with his Alligator Man skin. That all changed when Miranda decided to do a 90s movie make-over montage to the tune of “Supermodel” on him with (of course) her own line of KORA Organics skin products (PLUG! PLUG! PLUG).
Us homely-faced poors needs to stop feeling bad about not being stunning in the mug and having to put items back at the Target cash wrap area because our card got declined. There’s someone out there who has it much, much worse. Poor Catherine Zeta-Jones has had to go through life apologizing for taking breaths away with her beauty and causing temporarily blindness with the sparkle rays shooting off of her rich lady diamonds. But the days of having to be faux humble about her stunning looks and overflowing bank account are behind her. CZJ is keeping Stephanie Yellowhair’s legacy alive by saying, “Excuse my beauty…. and diamonds!”
My dog is almost 16 years old (that’s “Larry King” in dog years) and so he’s either reached the age where he can’t hold his piss anymore or he’s reached the age where he doesn’t give a shit enough to hold his piss. So whenever he’s inside, he’s gotta wear a diaper (he’s my current fashion icon, honestly). Yesterday was the first time in a long time when he didn’t piss in his pooch Pamper. He must’ve been feeling extra fresh and gorgeous, which explains why it looked like he was thinking to himself, “That raggedy homely thing ain’t got shit on me,” when he looked up at the screen as I watched the crowning of the winner of the 142nd Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last night.
The world always needs laughs, but the world really needs laughs after today’s Trump news that is making the planet cry aerosol tears of sadness. So, an interview from my favorite comedian Goopy Paltrow was farted up onto the internet at the right time. Goopy did an interview with Net-A-Porter’s The Edit (via Refinery29) where she continued to prove that the dingles she sharts out while defending Goop are as precious as the articles on Goop themselves.
The PPP Foundation (Plight of the Pretty People Foundation) was founded recently by Charlize Theron, Jessica Biel and Kit Harington (no, it wasn’t) to bring awareness to all of the eyeball-burning hot actors who have a hard time getting roles because casting directors can’t look past their gorgeous beauty. Halle Berry may join the board soon.
Charlize summoned a tidal wave of eye rolls when she cried that none of the meaty roles in movies are written for a “gorgeous, gown-wearing eight-foot model,” and Halle didn’t exactly echo that, but she did say she had to prove that she’s more than just a stunning goddess of beauty.
It looks like we’re going to have to update the definition of the phrase “Excuse my beauty” twice today. Once for the pup on the left giving us demure cross-legged bashful arm candy, and once for the gorgeous BBP (big beautiful pooch) shamelessly showing off her pug goodies on the right.
This weekend, Clint Eastwood’s second ex-wife Dina Eastwood married the guy she left her rich pepaw husband for. And as you can see, it was an incredibly elegant affair. People says Dina and her new husband Scott Fisher got married in Santa Barbara, which I’m positive is where 98% of famous people get married. Instead of having human bridesmaids who might try to steal yo man or upstage your ass, Dina put two of her pugs, Morgy and Chica, in some very exquisite doggy gowns and let them lead her down the aisle. Morgy was actually the Maid of Honor.
One quick peek at Dina’s Instagram will tell you that she’s majorly into her pugs, so it’s not exactly a surprise that she would make them a part of her wedding. Sadly, Morgy and Chica broke Bridesmaid Rule #1 by totally upstaging the bride. Especially Chica (the chunkier one with her tongue and business hanging out). Chica is really giving Gary Fisher a run for his money in the scene-stealing dog department. Like, how are you supposed to compete for attention around a dog like Chica? You can’t. But I don’t think Chica does it on purpose; when you’re a perfect 10, it’s hard not to get noticed.
That picture above is perfect for many reasons. But I really love it because Morgy and Chica’s faces totally look like a version of the comedy/tragedy masks that represent the two main emotions of being at a wedding reception. Morgy (tragedy) is all “Ugh, where’s the bar“, and Chica (comedy) is all “LOL I FOUND IT!!”