Open Post: Hosted By Dakota Johnson Pitching Butt Plugs For Stocking Stuffers

November 10, 2021 / Posted by:

Dakota Johnson has an idea for a stocking stuffer and it involves stuffing your ass. Dakota recently joined sexual wellness brand, Maude, as a co-creative director and investor last year, and this year the company has come out with a perfect holiday gift for your friends and family: A BUTT PLUG. So it looks like when you have sex with Chris Martin, you suddenly become obsessed with dildos and ass plugs. Too easy, too easy.

Dakota talked with InStyle about working with Maude, and she’s pro-butt play because when she first joined the company she specifically asked if they were going to make anal products. And because Dakota wants to be shitting money from selling so many butt plugs, she suggests that everyone should get her ass plug for Christmas!

“Oh, this is going in everybody’s stocking. Are you kidding? It’s the perfect stocking stuffer. You think your uncle hasn’t wanted a butt plug his entire life? You’re lying… I think it’s a thing a lot of people don’t want to buy for themselves. First of all, namely, because they’re called “butt plugs,” and everyone’s going to be like, Oh God, I’m not going to buy that. I don’t want that on my credit card statement. But people are more curious than you want to believe they are, and people are more sexual than they want to believe they are. I think everyone should have a cone for Christmas.”

Um, I’m no butt plug aficionado like Dakota Johnson here, but I’m pretty sure that an ass plug is one thing that people DO want to buy for themselves instead of getting it as a gift. And here’s the butt plug in question:

Just yesterday Demi Lovato was shilling sex toys, now Dakota? Can’t wait for Jameela Jamil’s anal douche and Lena Dunham’s butt-numbing cream. And people who read Dakota’s defense of Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp may be thinking to themselves, “Well, the cone is something that Dakota should use when she starts talking out of her ass again.

Pic: Maude

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