Back in October, Henry Cavill announced he would not be returning for a fourth season of The Witcher on Netflix and that Liam Helmsworth would replace him as European magical hunk in tights, Geralt of RiviaI. Fans of European magical hunks in tights were, understandably, disappointed. However, fans of American magical hunks in tights were elated because his departure from The Witcher coincided with the news that Henry was set to reprise his role as Superman in a sequel of 2013’s Man of Steel. But that’s not gonna happen. And now, fans of European magical hunks in tights are piiiiiiiiiiiiised.
Since Disney has pissed off an army of bottom-feeding racist trolls by casting Halle Bailey as Ariel in the upcoming live-action The Little Mermaid movie, they figured why not further piss off the small-minded cretins by casting a Black lead in their small-screen ABC live-action/animated hybrid Beauty and the Beast: A 30th Celebration special? Oscar-winning musician, H.E.R., snagged the lead role of Belle in the production. But, since she’s a bookworm, the scalawags who are pissed about Ariel may not consider Belle sacred since books are their Kryptonite. While many other celebs have signed on, castle head-bitch-in-charge, Mrs. Potts, was yet-to-be-determined, but Variety reports that iconic country star Shania Twain is in final talks to take on the role of the self-righteous teapot who tells everyone how to live their lives but couldn’t even prevent Chip from getting chipped.
A Movie Is Being Made About Prince Andrew’s Disastrous BBC Interview, And It Could Possibly Star Hugh Grant
In November 2019, Prince Andrew agreed to go on television and speak about his relationship with the late Jeffrey Epstein, and the allegations of sexual assault made against him by Virginia Giuffre. It was a mess. An embarrassment. Saturday Night Live couldn’t have written a joke better than the sight of Andrew shifting awkwardly in his chair while claiming he clacks the intrinsic human ability to sweat. And once that interview was over, Andrew probably breathed out a sigh of relief knowing he’d never have to relive that awkward 58-minute nightmare ever again. Wrong! That interview is reportedly making its way from the small screen to the big screen and is being turned into a movie and Hugh Grant is on the wish list to play Andrew.
Some of Hollywood’s greatest “Fuck it” energy in all of celluloid history was when Cameron Diaz decided that after being a huge, massive movie star for several decades, she was done with all that, and decided to retire in her 40s. Cameron was happy to stay home, hang out with her husband Benji Madden, welcome a kid named Raddix into this world, sip some ok-tasting wine, and just live that no-work life. But apparently, Cameron wasn’t able to resist the siren song of a Netflix paycheck, because she’s coming back to acting once again.
Sorry, I should have been a little more specific. After all, the man has been cosplaying as a greasy drunken pirate in his personal life for the past decade or so. I’m referring to the chance that Johnny Depp might once again clip in those little dangly beard braids and toss on about 15 pounds of silver rings to play Captain Jack Sparrow, pirate of the…whatever seas the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise takes place in. There was a rumor going around that Johnny’s big comeback from his career downturn as professional defamation plaintiff would be in an upcoming Pirates film as that beloved salt water-bound weirdo. But according to other sources, nobody should be holding their breath to see Johnny on the big screen doing his best Keith Richards impersonation.
Madonna is still working tirelessly on the upcoming biopic about her life, and for a while, it was a mess, with people dropping out and being replaced at random. But it seems like there’s at least one train car still on the tracks, and that’s casting for the titular role. There were a number of names that were thrown into the conversation about who might play Madonna. The list included actresses and/or singers like Sydney Sweeney, Barbie Ferreira, Florence Pugh, Julia Garner, Alexa Demie, Odessa Young, Emma Laird, Bebe Rexha, and Sky Ferreira. I was personally hoping that Madonna and casting director Carmen Cuba would go avant-garde with it, and cast all of them in an I’m Not There-style creative multiverse situation. I’m going to have to keep waiting on such a thing, because it looks like Madonna has settled on her younger self being played by Julia Garner.