Category: International Treasure

Open Post: Hosted By Dick Van Dyke Letting Us Know That He’s Ok After His Accident

March 26, 2023 / Posted by:

After reading that Dick Van Dyke was in ANOTHER car accident, my first thought was, “He’s alive, thank GOD!” followed by, “Someone get this guy a chauffeur!” It’s unlikely that my latter wish will come true, but at least we will have Dick to treat us to more of his bizarrely charming Instagram posts for the foreseeable future. He’s just got a few scrapes from his automotive whoopsie, which he happily showed off to paps on Friday. There’s no stopping Dick’s effervescence! (Somebody should stop his car accidents, though.)

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97-Year-Old Dick Van Dyke Crashed His Car Into A Gate And Suffered Minor Injuries

March 22, 2023 / Posted by:

Damn, dolphins! You had one job to do! TMZ reports that Dick Van Dyke, one of the world’s last remaining INTERNATIONAL TREASURES, folded his lanky 97-year-old ass into his 2018 Lexus LS 500 and crashed into a gate. Thank goodness that “he managed to avoid serious injury” and no thanks to his pod of guardian dolphins who pushed him to shore in 2010 when he fell asleep while surfing and drifted off to sea. No! Don’t scream “ACKACKACKACKACK” at me, you rubbery little freaks, I know he was on land, but if you save Dick Van Dyke once, you’ve agreed to save him for life. I hope you all get turned into tuna fish for what you’ve done.

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Joni Mitchell Joins Neil Young In Pulling Her Music Off Of Spotify Over “Irresponsible People Spreading Lies”

January 29, 2022 / Posted by:

You know you really fucked up when you start pissing off the Canadians. Earlier this month a group of 270 doctors and scientists released an open letter to Spotify asking them to do something about “menace to public healthJoe Rogan because he keeps mouth-farting out all sorts of COVID-19-related misinformation to his millions of listeners. Then this week, Neil Young threw down an ultimatum to Spotify, telling them that either Joe Rogan goes, or he goes. Spotify sided with Joe Rogan and pulled most of Neil Young’s music, which was the opposite of $urprising since Spotify has a $100 million multi-year deal with Joe Rogan. And now the legendary Joni Mitchell, whose vast catalog is a treasure trove for ears, has announced that she’s looked at it from both sides now and she’s on Neil’s side.

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Happy Thanksgiving, Here’s A Stunning Throwback Pic Of Dolly Parton And Her Man!

November 25, 2021 / Posted by:

Dolly Parton has already given us a COVID vaccine (although, I betrayed the Church of Dolly by getting Pfizer!), and on this Thanksgiving (aka the day when we all share that picture of Spider-Man making a Turkey Day feast out of Uncle Sam’s ass), she decided to give us the gift of a gorgeously glamorous vintage pic of herself (in a freakum Pilgrim dress) and her husband of 55 years Carl Dean. I can already hear every influencer type screaming at their assistant to track down the bronzer that Carl Dean used back in the day. Sorry, tricks, that shit’s natural. His skin naturally glowed like that from being in the presence of the human sun that is Dolly!

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Shelley Duvall Now Knows What Kind Of Person Dr. Phil Is

February 11, 2021 / Posted by:

Shelley Duvall’s last acting role was in 2002’s Manna From Heaven, and after that, she pretty much retired from acting and settled back in her homeland of Texas. Throughout the years, there have been tabloid stories about Shelley’s struggles with mental illness, and in 2016, the 14-ton of leach shit known as Dr. Phil got a hold of Shelley and interviewed her for his show. Dr. Phil tried to act like he wanted to help Shelley, but as many know, he can’t spell “help” without e-x-p-l-o-i-t, so that episode went down like a lead balloon, which is strangely enough what Dr. Phil’s head looks like. Shelley is now talking about Dr. Phil and she pretty much put out her cigarette on his bald dome.

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Open Post: Hosted By Emmy Rossum In Motion As The Flawless Hot Pink Diamond That Is Angelyne!

April 16, 2020 / Posted by:

Over two years ago, Hollywood let us know that they were finally doing something right for once by greenlighting an eight-episode series about the official blossom of Los Angeles, billboard queen Angelyne. Emmy Rossum and her husband Sam Esmail, who created Mr. Robot, bought the TV rights to The Hollywood Reporter’s investigative story about Angelyne’s journey from Polish refugee and daughter of Holocaust survivors to Los Angeles’ one-woman beautification board who singlehandedly made the city the most gorgeous place in the country with her billboards. Emmy Rossum took on the role of Angelyne in the unauthorized bio-series. And I say, “unauthorized,” because Angelyne, who took a hot pink shit on THR’s story and called it fiction, also took a hot pink shit on Emmy’s series, at first.

But eventually, the real Angelyne gave her hot pink stamp of approval and joined the show as an executive producer. That means producers probably stuffed a big enough wad of cash between her all-natural chichis of luscious perfection. An extremely fair and reasonable price for Angelyne’s approval is 98% of whatever the show’s budget is. So I figured that all of the show’s scenes would be shot in Emmy and Sam’s garage, the pink Corvette would be an old Barbie car bought at a yard sale, her costume would consist of an off-brand Elly Mae Clampett wig from Wish and the one hot pink dress she owns, and the other roles would be played by a mannequin and her dog. But it looks like they made that 2% stretch more than Angelyne’s angelic titty balls in a Spandex dress.

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