Category: Big Little Lies
Today In SHOCKING NEWS: Prince Andrew Probably Lied About Staying At Jeffrey Epstein’s Townhouse In His “Newsnight” Interview
As bad as Meghan Markle’s pussy blouse was, this is somehow worse. According to The Daily Mail, Prince Andrew almost certainly lied to BBC Newsnight’s Emily Maitlis about not having stayed at his soon-to-be ex-friend (in more ways than one) Jeffrey Epstein’s Manhattan townhouse during a visit in April of 2001. This apparent lie calls the veracity of that entire interview into question, suggesting a then 17-year-old Virginia Giuffre (nee Roberts) might have actually been forced to have sex with Andrew (and possibly groped with a puppet of himself) as she has consistently alleged. Jaw, meet floor. Floor, this is your new roommate, jaw.
As Far As Forbes Is Concerned, Kylie Jenner Is No Longer A Billionaire And Probably Never Was
Well guys, I’m devastated to report that everything we thought we knew about Kylie Jenner was a lie. While the information I’m about to impart to you may SHOCK YOU TO YOUR CORE, if we are to move forward together, it is important that we do so with clear-headed knowledge and the unvarnished truth. Here we go. Kylie Jenner is not, I repeat not, a billionaire. Don’t take my repetition to mean she’s not not a billionaire like Lana Del Rey is not not a feminist. Kylie is not not not a billionaire. According to Forbes, the very outlet responsible for fabricating this appalling fallacy, Kylie tricked them! I’ll give you a moment to recover before we move forward into uncharted territory.
Sweden Says Sweden Didn’t Invent Swedish Meatballs
The official Twitter account for the country of Sweden dropped a bomb on the world. Only, because it’s Sweden, their bombs are made out of truth instead of uranium and baking soda (yes, I flunked chemistry). According to Sweden, Sweden’s sixth most famous contribution to the world (after ABBA, IKEA, The Swedish Chef, The Skarsgårds, and It Must Have Been Love), The Swedish Meatball, isn’t actually Swedish.
“Don’t Be Tardy” Shuts Down Production As Kim Zolciak’s Ex-Girlfriend Accuses Her Of Homophobia
It’s damage control time for Kim Zolciak who is finding out the hard way that liars usually get caught, especially when the camera is running 24/7. Us Weekly reports that Kim has stopped all production on her show Don’t Be Tardy in the wake of the explosive Real Housewives Of Atlanta season 10 reunion, where Kim said some real dumb shit. She also got called out for telling lies like she was interviewing for a position in the Trump cabinet. God, please don’t let me have just spoken that into existence.
Turns Out “Left Shark” Was Just Pulling Our Fin All Along
I don’t need to tell you that the number one rule of the high seas is NEVER TRUST A FUCKING SHARK. There’s a very good reason why the president of The United States put them on the endangered species list for looking at him sideways (you know how they do). Perhaps the most famous shark of them all (yes, more famous than Jaws, the one Michael Phelps raced and the one that nibbled on Ryan Seacrest; fight me), Left Shark from Katy Perry’s 2015 Super Bowl Halftime show revealed to NPR (NPR so super left) that his bad dancing was all an act. That son of a bitch.
“Big Little Lies” Is Officially Back For Season 2
Grab your penchant for white wine and cover-ups for MURDER because the ladies of Monterey are coming back. HBO officially picked up Big Little Lies for another season.
This should come as a shock to no one since every member of the cast, including Miss “I’d Rather Be Reading” Shailene Woodley, was on board to return. Rumors had been percolating for a while that the network was ready to greenlight a second season since they have to figure out how to stay ahead in the Emmy game once Game Of Thrones goes off the air. And since Reese Witherspoon would love nothing more than to have an Emmy of her own to pose with in her Crate and Barrel ads.