A Los Angeles man was arrested for pulling a gun on his roommates after they ate his food. And look, I have some sympathy for the guy as there is nothing more disappointing than thinking your favorite Hot Pocket is safely waiting for you in your freezer only to find out some greedy bitch has taken it without asking. That said, pulling out a loaded shot gun feels a teeny tiny overreaction. But this is AMERICA.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell what a true emergency is and sometimes it’s dead obvious. Like when a Louisiana resident found out that Taco Bell was out of both hard AND soft shells for their tacos and called 911 to report the crime of no taco shells in her belly. I know what you’re thinking, maybe call the non-emergency line instead of 911? Or just write a strongly worded Yelp review. But we don’t know her truth! Maybe she was really hungry and tacos are her favorite and now she’s just suppose to eat cinnamon twists and a taco salad?! This is America. We eat our Taco Bell tacos in shells, not in salad form like the French!
In news that shouldn’t be news, Chips Ahoy! used Vanessa Vanjie Mateo in a Mother’s Day message/ad, which makes sense since “cookies” are her thing, but it’s made some conservatives very triggered. Twitter is now filled with people who are getting upset about cookies and drag queens. You know, because getting upset about cookies and drag queens seems like a solid use of one’s time. Let’s take two super fun things and ruin them! I bet these people are fun at parties!
Burger King is coming for those fake-ass Happy Meals and coming out with it’s own brand of Non-Happy meals.
Last week, two diners at a seafood buffet in Alabama decided to take on-the-spot fencing lessons when they dueled over crab legs with tongs, much to the shock and awe of onlookers thinking, “This ain’t even real crab“. However, did you know that their fight was merely a sad imitation of the original, which took place in Queens, New York? And unlike the brawl which occurred during the only season of Seafood Smackdown, there’s a video that will make you weep for humanity while your new best friend Donna Brown provides the hilarious commentary.
That pun was very much intended.
Miranda Lambert is a mess, we know this, and she’s probably the type who won’t think twice about wasting beer by throwing hers at you during a fight at an Applebee’s. That’s kind of what happened on Sunday night, but instead of throwing a beer, she threw a salad (RIP that salad) at a steakhouse. And for Miranda’s sake I hope it was something messy like a Cobb salad with extra steak and dressing.