Don’t worry, Prince Andrew has a perfectly reasonable explanation for why he was photographed strolling through Central Park with a convicted pedophile. According to The Times (via The Cut), in 2010, Andrew traveled all the way to New York to let his old pal Jeffrey Epstein down easy. Apparently, it’s against royal protocol to ghost someone. If you’re a Prince, and you’re friends with somebody, and that person does something appalling like go to prison for soliciting prostitution from a child, then it is your monarchical obligation to fly across the Atlantic to end the friendship in person. Those are just the rules, and Prince Andrew was just following them. What was he supposed to do, “new phone, who dis?” him? Not in this economy!
Prince Andrew’s declarations of innocence and proclaimed ignorance of Jeffrey’s crimes have been laughable up to this point. But his latest excuse for associating with a known pedophile and registered sex offender reeks of Desperation by Burberry. (via The Cut):
The duke has been hammered for one mistake, which took place in 2010,” the Times’ source said. “He has apologized again and again for the error of judgment. But what he did wasn’t criminal. It was a mistake. He went to see a friend to tell them he couldn’t be their friend anymore.
Oh shit, I missed the memo saying we’re supposed to use they/their pronouns for Epstein now. That’s one way to distance yourself from the subject I suppose. The source added that Andrew and Jeffrey barely knew each other at all. Poor Andrew was duped into believing their friendship was based on mutual respect and fraternal affection, if not a shared love of foot massages. But apparently, that wasn’t the case at all.
Every example of anyone behaving like Epstein, who has later been discovered, has actually been very good at keeping their cover,” said the source. “If you have someone like the duke, you probably don’t show that side of yourself to him. That’s the sadness of being someone like the duke, you sometimes don’t see the real person because you are a bit of a trophy friend.
A trophy friend? Him? I guess it is kind of sad when you think about it. Well, at least Jeffrey threw Andrew a traditional Trophy Friend Breakup Party, but with a twist.
During the visit, which happened the following year after Epstein served a very lenient 13-month jail sentence, the prince was also photographed walking with him through Central Park, and the two men were seen receiving foot massages from “two young well-dressed Russian women” in Epstein’s home. Epstein also hosted a dinner party in honor of Prince Andrew, which was attended by Woody Allen, Chelsea Handler, Katie Couric, and George Stephanopoulos. If that’s what he calls a friendship breakup, it was a pretty long-drawn-out one.
Sounds unbelievable, but there is a clause in the Magna Carta that states “he who dumpeth the friend, shall fete the dumpee, and massageth their feet and broken heart with the hands of a winsome young slav”. Only Andrew and Jeffrey did it in reverse!