With all of the things going on in this nightmare scenario of an era we’re currently living through, many are on a quest to find the light in the darkness. Well, look no further: enter Shailene Woodley, who just closed her legs to the sun, oiled up her stink-pits, took a nice, long sip of lukewarm bone broth, and put finger to phone screen to be that beacon. Her recent ex-fiancé, Aaron Rodgers, said that she taught him about unconditional love. Apparently, her love really doesn’t have conditions, because she’s now even professing it to abstract ideas, like months. On Wednesday, she posted a selfie on Instagram captioned with a doting letter addressed to June. See? Not everything’s bad, guys! Even though most of us had a month that went about as well as Shailene’s Divergent franchise, a Hollywood actress with awful takes and even worse hygiene had a great last 30 days!
Aaron Rodgers, the NFL’s most expensive football player and authority on COVID vaccines, has a type when it comes to women it seems. After moving on from cool girls who break up families, he appears to now go for earthy hippy women who may or may not dabble in clay eating. Now that his relationship with Shailene Woodley is over, Aaron is rumored to have struck up a romance with a witch! Ok, so she says she’s not a witch, but it’d be pretty cool if she was.
Fans of romance between a TV actress with hippie tendencies and an NFL quarterback-turned-COVID vaccine conspiracy theorist are eating good tonight! Because it looks like Shailene Woodley and Aaron Rodgers might not be as broken up as previously reported. Shailene and Aaron reportedly called off their engagement about a week and a half ago, reportedly due to not spending enough time together. And it really did sound like things came to a conclusive end. Except, that Aaron has been dropping hints that he and Shailene might not actually be over. And then Aaron and Shailene were recently seen together grabbing breakfast.
Aaron Rodgers Says He Still Loves Shailene Woodley And Is Grateful To Her For Showing Him Unconditional Love
Despite looking like a fleshy, walking, talking, yet barely coherent Bored Ape, Aaron Rodgers has the heart and soul of a poet. And he proved that yesterday with a lengthy Instagram post that misquotes Rumi, and with radical gratitude, recounts the moments he first met Shailene Woodley, the woman who showed him “what unconditional love looks like.” Even though they broke off their engagement last week, Aaron says he still loves Shailene and is grateful for her. And in that spirit, Aaron ended his missive with the words “spread love and gratitude,” which is technically impossible to do while simultaneously spreading coronavirus but hey, I guess it’s the sentiment that counts.
Sadly, there will be no barefoot vegan wedding in Hawaii between Shailene Woodley and Aaron Rodgers, because they are done after a little less than two years together. Oh well, at least we’ll always have that awkward paid promotional video for Disney World.
Quick, name something about Aaron Rodgers that doesn’t have to do with football (I just saved a whole lot of people who know jack shit about football). Did you say, “Aaron Rodgers has some truly messy half-baked theories about the COVID-19 pandemic, vaccines, and horse paste?” Well congratulation, you know pretty much all there is to know about current-day Aaron Rodgers. But what you may not know is that Aaron Rodgers might not be sitting around at home with his fiancé Shailene Woodley, talking about all the ways President Joe Biden is personally attacking him for being an UAH (Unvaccinated American Hero). Sources say that Shailene and Aaron disagree on many things.