Category: Awards Season
Roman Polanski’s Latest Film Has Been Nominated For 12 César Awards, And Some Aren’t Happy About It
Due to the insidious nature of cancel culture, convicted rapist Roman Polanski’s career has taken a severe hit and his life is in shambles. He’s spent the past few decades cowering from the public eye, in fear for his life, and being forced to accept prestigious filmmaking awards in absentia. It’s just like he’s living in a prison really, only with a comfy mattress and better food and wine selections. Poor Roman really can’t catch a break. According to the BBC, his latest movie, An Officer and a Spy AKA J’accuse en français, received 12 César nominations, the French equivalent of the Oscars. This should be a moment of triumph for Roman, but it’s been marred by a bunch of unruly feminists who found it necessary to point out that 12 is also the same number of women who have accused Roman of rape (to date). Jesus, why is so hard for people to just let Roman be great in peace?!?
The Oscars Will Be Hostless Again This Year
Despite the fact that Chet Haze is obviously available and ready to work, The Academy Awards will, once again, go hostless. I don’t know, maybe we should be thanking Kevin Hart for his homophobic tweets because now instead of having to squirm while some dude in a tuxedo (trust, it was always going to be some dude in a tuxedo) edgelords his way to glory, as we did with the Golden Globes, we can just sit back, relax, and squirm as some of Woody Allen’s dearest friends try to read from a teleprompter. According to The Hollywood Reporter, nobody even tried to reach Chet on his pager, because things went so great last year.
The SAG Award Nominations Were Led By America’s Tree, Scarlett Johansson
Love it or hate, it’s Scarlett Johansson’s world and we’re just living in it. Like literally, everything from the trees in the forest to all the hysterical wives in Brooklyn, it’s all Scarlett, all the time. Scarlett earned three Screen Actors Guild nominations today, and we have to assume her dear friend Woody Allen was one of the first calls she made when she heard the news. According to Variety, Scarlett got two noms for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role for Jojo Rabbit and Marriage Story, as well as a nomination in the Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture category for Jojo Rabbit. Add that to her Golden Globe nomination announced earlier this week, they’re probably just going to go ahead and call movies “Scarletts” from now on.
Blue Ivy Carter Is Already An Award-Winning Songwriter At 7 Years Old
Blue Ivy Carter is 7 years old and has already won a BET Soul Train Award in songwriting for her artistic writing contributions to her mom Beyonce’s song Brown Skin Girl. This reminds us all how useless our soccer participation awards are! Blue Ivy wrote the lyrics, “Brown skin girl, your skin just like pearls, the best thing in the world, never trade you for anybody else.” And I’ll sit here and wait for Linda Perry to try to snatch that award right out of Blue Ivy’s hands after accusing her of pulling a Beyonce, and then the Beyhive will swarm Linda like Macaulay Culkin in My Girl.
It Must Be Awards Season Because Joaquin Phoenix Talked About His “Joker” Diet
The opening bell for Awards Season has rung! An actor has discussed their transformation diet, officially kicking off the races for Best Actor or Actress at the Oscars, Golden Globes and SAG Awards. Next we’ll probably hear from Renee Zellweger for Judy, but the race begins with Joaquin Phoenix who lost 50 pounds to play the always down to clown Arthur Fleck in Joker. According to Access Hollywood, Joaquin’s sallow complexion and diet comprised entirely of American Spirits and a single apple a day, were augmented to include some steamed vegetables to complete his transformation!
According To The BAFTA Nominations, Everybody Loves “The Favourite”
Nominations for the Pinky’s Up Oscars, aka the BAFTA Awards, were announced in London today and The Gagabot 3000 is one more step closer to achieving its goal of total global domination. Lady Gaga was nominated for the 99th Leading Actress out of a room filled with 100 Leading Actresses for A Star Is Born. Joining her are Glenn Close (#98 for The Wife), Melissa McCarthy (#97 for Can You Ever Forgive Me), Olivia Coleman (#96 for The Favourite), and Viola Davis (#95 for Widows). It’s kind of crazy that the Tea & Crumpets Oscars only has one British person nominated in this category. Maybe they have an exchange program with the Fully Loaded Fries Oscars, since we always seem to nominate entire villages full of British actors for our little award show comes up.