Blue Ivy Carter is 7 years old and has already won a BET Soul Train Award in songwriting for her artistic writing contributions to her mom Beyonce’s song Brown Skin Girl. This reminds us all how useless our soccer participation awards are! Blue Ivy wrote the lyrics, “Brown skin girl, your skin just like pearls, the best thing in the world, never trade you for anybody else.” And I’ll sit here and wait for Linda Perry to try to snatch that award right out of Blue Ivy’s hands after accusing her of pulling a Beyonce, and then the Beyhive will swarm Linda like Macaulay Culkin in My Girl.
Drake’s best kid friend, Millie Bobby Brown, raised a few concerned eyebrows when she posted a picture of herself on Instagram wearing a very mature outfit. Some felt it was a bit too mature for a 14-year-old to be dressed like a hostess at SUR, even if it was just as a hostess at brunch service. But Millie doesn’t care what you think. She’s her own “woman” and will dress and do as she pleases. If you don’t like it, you can unfollow her. Only don’t actually do that, her dad probably wouldn’t like that. He’s got the family’s bottom line to think about. If you don’t like it, just don’t comment, ok?
Now that her divorce with Brad Pitt has moved past the custody phase (I think? Like I don’t want to jinx her), Angelina Jolie is starting the follow-up struggle: recovering her tattered public persona. It’s hard to come out of a malicious divorce without looking like an evil bitch, and considering how many “sources” were popping up to spill some tea, Angie definitely didn’t. But here she is talking about her kids, so how can she be a bitch?
There’s never been any love lost between 50 Cent and his 21-year-old son Marquise Jackson. Fiddy deeply, truly and unrelentingly hates his kid. So when Fiddy says he wishes his son would get hit by a bus, he really means it. Marquise, who seems to have made it his life’s work to troll his father at every opportunity, posed for a picture standing next to the son of Kenneth “Supreme” McGriff, a drug lord and who is currently serving a life sentence in prison. Problem is, Supreme is on the list of Fiddy’s sworn enemies. In fact, you might even call him his arch nemesis, considering Supreme almost certainly conspired to murder him. The picture was posted on Instagram and Fiddy was having none of it. He commented that he wouldn’t be upset if they both got hit by a bus.
Ryan O’Neal has earned himself yet another a “Father of The Year” mug. He’s gotten one every year since Tatum was born so he’s got 54 of them now! Redmond O’Neal, his son with Farrah Fawcett, was arrested in Santa Monica, CA for robbing a convenience store with a knife. People reports that Redmond is being held on $50,000 bail and is due in court on Thursday.
Because Justin Bieber is basically the rich kid equivalent to a lazy 10-year-old who takes forever to clean his room, the fact that he hasn’t had a concert in two years should be surprising to absolutely no one. I’m sure Scooter Braun practically had to drag him the whole way there while Justin whined, “Noooooo, I don’t wanna! I got obnoxious rich kid stuff to do!” But by some miracle, Justin Bieber turned off his LeapPad, put down his sippy cup of Smirnoff Ice, and put on a Tiny Talent Time show at KIIS FM’s Wango Tango 2015 on Saturday night.
According to TMZ, Justin went on stage around 8:30pm (awwww, somebody got to stay up past his bedtime!) and Kanye West closed the show. I don’t know who I feel worse for: Kanye for having to share a stage with Lil’ Vanilla Ice, or the audience for having to sit through a double dose of douche. Actually, maybe not Kanye; sure he had to share at stage with Justin, but at least Justin never called his ass out for not writing his own songs, like some blonde pretty-in-the-face types did last week. Either way, I’m sure when he heard Justin was opening for him, his face did one of these.
Speaking of that audience, TMZ says that somewhere slithering among the masses was Pimp Mama Kris – who, thanks to all the Botox that has leeched into her brain, probably got Wango Tango confused with Cabo Wabo and was sad there were no all-you-can-chug Waboritas – and Justin’s maybe girlfriend Hailey Baldwin.
But Justin didn’t spend the whole weekend struggling to remember the choreography to “Boyfriend”; he also gave a shout out to the lady who made him on Instagram by posting a picture of his mom with the caption:
“If it wasn’t for this woman lets just say I would have had a way LONGER stupid phase. I love u and thank u for not giving up on me”
“Of course I’d never give up on you, money…I mean, honey” replied Justin’s mom.
Here’s more of Justin looking, as always, like a possessed Rollerblade Dude doll going through a grunge phase on Saturday night: