This morning the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced their seventeen nominees for 2022’s Hall of Fame induction. The shortlist includes Dolly Parton, Eminem, Lionel Richie, Dionne Warwick, Pat Benatar, Duran Duran, and Kate Bush. Sounds like a fantastic hypothetical dinner party. If anybody got too big for their britches (Simon Le Bon), Dionne would tear them a new asshole. Then she’d order Kate Bush to ease the tension by dancing. And Kate totally would (Babooshka-stylez), because nobody says no to Dionne. Continue reading
I’m not sure what the inspiration behind Charli XCX’s Grammys outfit was, but I like to imagine that her stylist was going for ‘former Party Down employee who was fired for getting stoned and falling asleep on a pile of fur coats at a graduation party for Leonard Stiltskin’s daughter‘ sort of thing. She’s like the accidental hot tub baby of Roman and Bobbie St. Brown. She also kind of reminds me of a baby model from the baby formal wear page of a Sears catalog. You know, the one where all the babies look like tiny aspiring dinner theater magicians?
But if I have to be totally honest, that baby pink mink stole would have looked so much hotter paired with a floor-length crystal-studded Bob Mackie gown. Yes, I know that it’s no longer 1979 and not everyone can be Cher or Morgan Fairchild, but what ever happened to serving up show-stopping glitz n’ glamour at the Grammys? I understand that not everyone can handle the responsibility that comes along with walking the red carpet in some top-shelf crystal-covered eleganza, but at least they could try. It’s truly a dark day when only ONE person was brave enough to pull out all the stops (no, literally – there’s definitely a construction site missing its caution markers) and arrive working some old school beauty pageant glamour.
Here’s more of Charli XCX, as well as the rest of the dull, unpolished rhinestones that rolled down the Grammy red carpet last night, including an escort-looking Lady Gaga, Kelly Osbourne in Dame Edna drag, Katy Perry in Kelly Osbourne drag, and John Mayer making me completely ashamed to say I totally would:
Life legend Annie Lennox has once again put on her skipper hat and set sail on the S.S. No-Fucks-Given bound for the shady shores of Truth Island. During a discussion on the UK show Loose Women (via E! News) about Madonna’s recent Slutty Motel Memaw photoshoot for Interview Magazine, 59-year-old Annie admitted that while she’s all for being naked, she questioned Madonna’s motives for taking her 56-year-old tits out. “DUH! Because a desperate middle-aged ho is desperate for attention!” screamed all of us, including Madonna.
Annie then said it’s not her place to judge (Annie Lennox is a living breathing Kermit meme, apparently) but would love to know whyyyyy-y-y-y-y-y Madonna feels the need to keep flashing her Photoshopped nips at our eyes:
“I think already the verdict is probably out. Would you not agree on that one?” Lennox asked. “I think the question is, ‘What is Madonna telling us? Anybody know?'”
That’s when one of the other panelists, Janet Street-Porter, answered: “I think it’s attention seeking” (this just in: Captain Obvious lives in the UK and uses the alias “Janet Street-Porter”). To which Annie agreed, saying:”I think it is.” And that’s when, in a perfect world, Madonna would have popped out of a decorative plant wearing an all-straps latex bra and exclaimed in her wonderful fake British accent: “You’re both correct! Congratulations! Now who wants to see a picture of my fanny?”
I understand what Annie Lennox is feeling, because I too wonder why Madonna is forever reminding us about her Photoshopped fuck parts, but I think it might be one of life’s mysteries that we’re not meant to know. I bet that 2 million years from now, aliens will still be trying to figure it out. “Gleep-glorp, it doesn’t make any sense! Why did she need so much attention? And why does this picture of a 98-year-old Madonna not have a single wrinkle or age spot?“
Praise be! Annie Lennox, the no-fucks-given queen, is thankfully still with us after coming for Beyoncé by calling her “feminist lite” and “cheap” last month. I was so sure that such blasphemy against Our Lady of Perpetual Lacefronts would result in Annie getting kidnapped in the middle of the night by a balaclava-wearing Basement Baby (who was promised a fresh clump of dryer lint for her bed if she could “make the problem disappear”). And it looks like Annie still doesn’t give a fuck, because she’s hissing at Yawncé about feminism once again.
During an interview with NPR (via Daily Mail), Annie was asked to further explain the comment she made about Beyoncé being the Diet Coke of feminism, which is basically the fancy public radio way of saying “Please please please say more beautiful shit about Beyoncé.” And she did! Sort of…
“Listen, twerking is not feminism. It’s not – it’s not liberating, it’s not empowering. It’s a sexual thing that you’re doing on a stage; it doesn’t empower you. That’s my feeling about it.”
“The reason why I’ve commented is because I think that this overt sexuality thrust — literally — at particular audiences, when very often performers have a very, very young audience, like 7 years older, I find it disturbing and I think its exploitative. It’s troubling. I’m coming from a perspective of a woman that’s had children.”
I’ve missed Annie’s diplomatic cuntery like the deserts missed the rain, and I truly appreciate that she says whatever the hell she thinks, but that comment about twerking made NO goddamn sense! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Beyoncé “twerk”. I’ve seen her rub her horny robo-coochie against the seat of a chair while proudly showing off her b-hole like a cat, but I can’t say I’ve ever seen her twerk. Unless Annie thinks twerking is the same as surfbort-ing? Maybe someone can ask her to explain that comment during the next interview she gives.
Regardless of what kind of feminist Beyoncé is, Annie should know there are more important things she should be shading Beyoncé about. Like Beyoncé’s jacked-as-hell 1950’s pin-up afghan hound hair!