Category: Carly Simon
The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame’s 2022 Nominees Include Dolly Parton, Eminem, And Lionel Richie
This morning the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced their seventeen nominees for 2022’s Hall of Fame induction. The shortlist includes Dolly Parton, Eminem, Lionel Richie, Dionne Warwick, Pat Benatar, Duran Duran, and Kate Bush. Sounds like a fantastic hypothetical dinner party. If anybody got too big for their britches (Simon Le Bon), Dionne would tear them a new asshole. Then she’d order Kate Bush to ease the tension by dancing. And Kate totally would (Babooshka-stylez), because nobody says no to Dionne. Continue reading
Would You Have A Threesome With 1960s Sean Connery And Your Sister?
Page Six says that Carly Simon writes in her memoir Boys In The Trees about the time in 1965 when Sean Connery offered up his Scotch eggs and blood sausage to her, only there was one problem… Sean wanted Carly’s sister to get in on the action. What kind of Mad Men episode foolery…
Carly says that when she was 20 and her sister Lucy was 22 they were on a ship traveling from London to New York and they met a then 35-year-old Sean Connery. Carly says that the three of them had drinks and ended up in his cabin. While in his cabin, Sean, who was married at the time, proposed having a ménage à trois. Carly writes that one of her friends called it a “Simon sisters sandwich.” Carly and Lucy said thanks, but no thanks. But the next night, Lucy ended up with a coochie full of 007 and she did it by herself. The Hollywood Reporter says that Carly felt so betrayed by her sister boning Sean Connery that when they got to New York, she ended their musical duo The Simon Sisters. In other words, Sean Connery’s dick broke up The Simon Sisters. Sean Connery’s dick is the original Yoko Ono.
I don’t even want to answer my own headline question, but I will. To paraphrase Meat Loaf, I would do anything for dick but I won’t do that.
My sister and I fight over everything. One time when we were kids, I was playing with her Barbie car and she didn’t like that. We fought over it for a few minutes and I ended up throwing it against the wall and it broke. So imagine what would happen if we had to share a dude. Actually, don’t.
With that being, I hate Carly Simon’s ass for bringing this up.
Pic: United Artists
Carly Simon Admits That “You’re So Vain” Is (Partly) About Warren Beatty
Ever since classic diss track “You’re So Vain” came out in 1972, hos have been guessing who the song is about and Carly Simon has always played it pretty coy. I’m surprised there was never a 70s game show called This Song Is About Who? where contestants tried to guess who that damn song was about. Over the decades, people have guessed that the song was about Warren Beatty, David Cassidy, David Bowie, Cat Stevens or Mick Jagger. Five years ago, The Sun spit up evidence that the song is about David Geffen. Carly has only said that it’s about three dudes, but now that she’s got her memoirs Boys In The Trees to promote, she’s spilling a name.
In news that is about as shocking as me having saltine cracker nachos for lunch, Carly tells People that Warren thinks the entire song is about him, but only the second verse was inspired by him doing her dirty (and not in a sexy way). This is how the second verse goes:
You had me several years ago
When I was still quite naive
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was me
I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.
The real news is that she sings “clouds in my coffee.” I thought it was “clowns in my coffee” for the longest time and figured she was snorting LSD-laced Cremora in the morning.
Carly is sewing her lips shut when it comes to saying who the other two are. (SPOILER ALERT: It’s David Geffen and Betty White. It’s always Betty White.) When asked if she’ll ever say who the other two are, she said, “I don’t think so, at least until they know it’s about them.”
I can already picture my mom rolling her eyes while saying, “Excuse me while I pass out from shock,” after hearing this news. We’ll all do the same thing in 40 years when Taylor Swift is peddling her memoirs and tells us that “Bad Blood” is about Katy Perry. I’m saving a special string of clutching pearls for that occasion.