Abby Lee Miller Is Going To Plead Guilty To Bankruptcy Fraud
If you’ve sold whatever soul you have left to be on a hit reality show, your contract with Satan usually states that you must do one of the following:
- Get a DUI
- Commit child abuse
- Beat a bitch with a bottle in the club
- Terrorize innocent ear drums by releasing a dance song
- Pull some fraud shit
Abby Lee Miller of Lifetime’s Dance Moms has already completed the second one since she regularly strengthens the dark orb of evil in her chest by feeding off of the fear of the little girls she yells at. But I guess she wanted bonus points with Satan, because she also completed the last one.
Rosie O’Donnell And Her Estranged Daughter Are Talking Again
Last August, Rosie O’Donnell got into a really messy, very public battle with her 17-year-old adopted daughter Chelsea O’Donnell. But Rosie and Chelsea recently reunited, and it looks like things aren’t nearly as shitty between them as they were last year.
Rosie’s relationship breakdown with her daughter was like a soap opera with an unlimited story budget. Chelsea went missing with her therapy dog Bear, and was later found by police hiding at the home of a 25-year-old alleged heroin dealer she met on Tinder. Chelsea didn’t go back home. Instead, she moved in with her biological mother and accused Rosie of smoking weed and ignoring her. Rosie accused Chelsea of being off her meds. We didn’t hear anything about Rosie and Chelsea for a very long time. Then on Monday, TMZ says Rosie was seen with Chelsea and her daughter Vivienne on Fran Drescher’s Cancer Schmancer cabaret boat cruise in New York. As you can see from the picture below, Chelsea – the one on the left with Ariel hair – and Rosie sort of appear to be getting along now. No word on if they’re living together again; at the moment they’re just sitting near each other.
I know taking a picture with someone you used to hate doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t hate them anymore. I’m sure we’ve all thrown on a tight awkward smile and muttered “Just take the picture” through clenched teeth before. But the fact that they were on a boat is kind of a big clue that Rosie and Chelsea might be good. Think about it: would you voluntarily choose to be stuck on a floating barf barge listening to Fran Drescher screeching out “Lullaby of Broadway” with a person you really really hate? No, of course not. The boat is one thing, because booze. But Fran? That’s a choice no one makes lightly.
Pic: Wenn.com
Open Post: Hosted By An “Orange Is The New Black” Promo Starring Telenovela Villain Queen Soraya Montenegro
I have the attention span of a methed-up flea, so binge watching any show from beginning to end is as impossible as eating a vegetable that isn’t covered in mayonnaise, fried batter or microwaved Kraft cheese slices. But when I heard that telenovela legend Itati Cantoral was going to reprise her greatest role, Soraya Montenegro, in season 4 of Orange Is The New Black, I made plans to give myself a Monster Energy drink enema so that I could stay awake while watching every single episode in a row. Turns out, she’s not in the actual show. She’s just in a promo for season 4.
Itati Cantoral played the hottest bitch ever, Soraya Montenegro, in the Mexican novela María la del Barrio all the way back in 1995, but during the past few years, she’s become an internet star thanks to the [cries in Spanish] meme and the museum-worthy supercut of her screaming “LÁRGATE” like no other has screamed “LÁRGATE” before. So the marketing tricks behind OITNB decided to use her popularity to sell their little show and they put her in a promo where she’s dropped into Litchfield with the other characters. Here’s all 4 minutes and 20 seconds of it:
[CRIES IN SPANISH]https://t.co/6tzZdIjuGF
— Orange Is the New… (@OITNB) June 21, 2016
That was waaaaaay too low on the glamour and camp scale for me to fully get into it, but I hope this leads to Soraya becoming a regular next season. Because someone needs to desperately scream “LÁRGATE” in Piper’s annoying ass face and it needs to be Soraya Montenegro!
via Latin Times
Kate Winslet Will Probably Star In Woody Allen’s Next Film
It looks like you can go ahead and add Kate Winslet’s name to the long list of actors who really want to work with beady-eyed elderly creeper Woody Allen.
Sources tell Variety that Kate is currently in final negotiations for Woody’s next movie, which will begin filming this fall. Other than that, there’s really not much known about Woody’s upcoming movie besides the usual: Woody will be writing, directing, and producing it, and the press tour will most likely involve Kate awkwardly tugging at her collar while trying to dodge questions about his personal life. Although Woody did let it slip during an interview with Vox at Cannes that he wants to shoot his next movie in an amusement park, Coney Island being his first choice. Woody Allen? An amusement park? Chris Hansen’s ears just perked up.
Kate has never worked with Woody before. But this isn’t the first time she’s worked with a ~problematic~ director. Back in 2011, she made Carnage with Woody’s fellow pedo creeper filmmaker club member Roman Polanski. So I’m guessing Kate already has her answer written out for when people inevitably ask her if she had any hesitation about working with Woody Allen’s allegedly gross ass.
On the upside, there’s a very good chance working with Woody will mean an 8th Oscar nomination for Kate, since I’m pretty sure that’s written in the Academy rules. But the ultimate downside is that she can probably forget about touching Susan Sarandon’s gorgeous boobies ever again. And even if she does, there a 100% chance it’s gonna be awkward.
Pic: Wenn.com
Jamie Foxx And Katie Holmes Are Really A Thing, So Says Claudia Jordan
Here I was thinking that FoxHol (or is it JamKat? HoJam?) was just a fake thing that the tabloids created and pulled out whenever shit got really, really slow. Kind of like the zillion stories about the non-existent babies growing in Jennifer Aniston’s body. But Jamie Foxx’s friend Claudia Jordan (seen above looking a Miss Kitty mess while standing next to him at an awards show last year) claims that he has really dicked all of the remaining Thetans out of Katie Holmes and they’re really happy together. Well, if an ex-Deal or No Deal trick turned fallen Real Housewife of Atlanta said it, it must be completely and totally true!
Iggy Azalea Wastes No Time
There isn’t a standard length of time to get over a dead relationship. Personally, I know I need at least a couple of days after a break-up to drunkenly wail out my sorrows in a duvet nest, taking breaks only to pee and refill my water bottle with wine. Iggy Azalea, on the other hand, appears to do it much quicker. It’s been less than two days since Iggy Azalea announced that she had grown tired of suspiciously sniffing Nick Young’s dick after every away game and was officially done with him. And it looks like she’s already moved into the stage of break-up grief that involves blasting “Since U Been Gone” while dumping his stuff on the curb.
On Monday, TMZ caught Nick’s 1962 Chevy Impala being towed away from Iggy’s house. Iggy gave the car to Nick for Christmas back in 2014, and judging by how good she is with money, I’m assuming it was towed to a used car lot to sell for cash. Iggy also tossed Nick’s stuff outside. Sadly, Iggy didn’t pull a Superhead and film an Instagram video of her throwing his shirts and underwear all over the driveway. Iggy actually got rid of her exes things in a very orderly, non-dramatic fashion.
Iggy Azalea — Take Your Crap and Shove It, Nick Young (PHOTOS) https://t.co/AufMhEvEyV
— TMZ (@TMZ) June 21, 2016
Let’s see what we’ve got here. An ATV, two chairs that look like they were stolen from the waiting room of Wrangler’s head office, some wrapped-up pictures, and…what is that fluffy grey thing? Is that a dusty microfiber mop? I think it might be. It’s either that, or the mummified corpse of Sigmund the Sea Monster.
TMZ has another picture of Nick’s evicted stuff, which includes an old ladder, a janky photo light, a busted TV stand, several grimy cardboard boxes, and a pile of filthy blankets. Good LORD, what a pile of garbage. Where’s the good stuff? Don’t tell me he pawned it all in order to buy that giant $500,000 engagement ring for Iggy Iggs. No really, I don’t want to know that. That would be too much of a bummer.
Pic: Wenn.com