It’s happening. My nightmare is coming true: the 2000s fashion craze is taking hold. A combination of Gen Z-ers stumbling upon reruns of The OC and fashion houses running out of ideas has led to this outcome. And one of the worst trends of the period has made its debut on the iHeartRadio Jingle Ball red carpet. Katie Holmes unabashedly rocked up to the event in the dreaded dress-over-jeans outfit. Maybe the Y2K glitch did actually happen in 2000 and sent us back in time because we’re definitely in the dark ages. Katie Holmes bringing back this Y2K awfulness makes sense since, during the aughts, she brought back the tight-rolled jeans of the 90s!
Mike Rinder’s New Book Gets Into How Scientology Dealt With The John Travolta Gay Rumors, Tried To Woo David Beckham, And Alienated Tom Cruise From Nicole Kidman
Mike Rinder, former high-level Scientologist and co-host of the A&E docuseries, Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, has a new book. It’s called A Billion Years: My Escape From a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology, and it promises to that expose “the dark, dystopian truth about Scientology.” Fun! The book just came out, so there are a bunch of headlines making the rounds today.
For example, those John Travolta gay rumors. 67-year-old Mike claims that, back in the day, he was chatting to John in a hotel suite when a male masseur walked in the room and kissed John on the mouth. Whoops! Then there’s the failed wooing of David and Victoria Beckham. Apparently, Tom Cruise wanted David to be in Scientology so bad that he built a soccer field. But it didn’t work. Whomp, whomp! Finally, there’s the Nicole Kidman stuff. Mike claims that David Miscavige felt Tom was pulling away from the cult while filming Eyes Wide Shut with Nicole in London, so he sent one of his cronies to “audit” Tom. The audit drew Tom back into Scientology and created a distance between him and his wife. Obviously, Scientology denies all of Mike’s allegations. They tell Page Six that he’s an “inveterate liar.” Google says “inveterate” means: “chronic, deep-seated.” So that’s two words Scientology has taught me: “inveterate” and “glib.” Continue reading
Spring is in the air and the streets of New York City are lined with dropped surgical masks as celebrity New Yorkers, like Katie Holmes, hit the stroll with their budding romances. People reports that Katie and her former New York street sausage vendor, aspiring actor/nepotism restaurateur boyfriend, 33-year-old Emilio Vitolo, split a year ago, and Katie’s new man, 33-year-old American Utopia musician Bobby Wooten III, has taken over amorous promenading duties. Katie’s mom also got in on the action (hugs only, don’t be gross)! You know what they say, good things come in threes. But you know what they also say, bad things come in threes. So we’ll leave it to Katie to decide if 33-year-old Bobby III is good news or bad.
It looks like Katie Holmes might have to go to Olive Garden like the rest of us if she wants to keep getting free breadsticks at a family-style Italian restaurant that feels like home. According to Page Six the 8-ish month relationship is “cooling off ” between Katie and her boyfriend, restaurateur/man-about-town/occasional actor/assumed (by me) amateur DJ, Emilio Vitolo Jr. The pair were first spotted together in September of last year and spent the fall and winter “canoodling” with wild abandon all over Manhattan. But now they haven’t been seen together in a month, even though Katie was in town celebrating daughter Suri Cruise’s 15th birthday. Is true love dead? Probably. Katie and Jamie Foxx have been broken up since August of 2019!
It’s probably just a coincidence that Katie Holmes and her current boyfriend Emilio Vitolo are hitting the social media stroll the same week her ex, Tom Cruise, was recorded summoning up the mighty wrath of L. Ron Hubbard during a barley water drought and shrieking from his rage-propelled shoe-lifts to tear some crew members to shreds so tiny and confetti-like that they would rival anything flying out of the official Scientology paper shredder during audit season. The important thing here is not that Katie undoubtedly misses being treated to those control-freak outbursts on the regular, but that she and Emilio are now, like, totally shippable because they’ve gone Instagram Official. According to People, Emilio, 33, professed his forever and not at all shady and capricious love to Katie on her 42nd birthday yesterday.
Page Six has concluded that confirmed star fucker Emilio Vitolo Jr. is also a confirmed fiancé fucker-over who broke up with his girlfriend of two years, via text message, the very same day he was first photographed trying to suck the last remaining Operating Thetan out of Katie Holmes’ teeth. As Katie and Emilio continue to try to beat BenAna’s record for PDA pap strolls per annum in record time, Emilio’s ex-fiancé is still trying to figure out what the fuck happened to her life. One day she’s engaged, and the next she’s moving out of their shared apartment “with only what she could carry with her.” She’s a better person than me. My ass would be walking out empty-handed so I could carry the world’s largest grudge.