When I heard Abby Lee Miller had been let out of the slammer, I figured Lifetime had its cameras on her because the IRS knew it wasn’t like she was going to pay them back by going to work as a bitchywaitress at the neighborhood Denny’s. For the sake of children dancers and their mothers everywhere, I also figured she would just get her own show that didn’t put her in any kind of educator role, since, ah, well, she’s certainly a unique kind of role model. I guess I’m the fool! Abby Lee confirmed she’s heading back to Dance Moms. Somehow, I feel like her debut at her old studio is going to look just like when Jon Snow scared the shit out of Cersei by having that White Walker goblin zombie pop out of a box at the end of last season of Game Of Thrones.
That infection that dared to fuck with Abby Lee Miller could possibly be cancer. Abby’s orthopedic spine surgeon, Dr. Hooman Melamed, talked to People yesterday, saying that Abby was paralyzed from the neck down because of a bitch of an infection that messed with her spine. After doing back surgery on her, Abby was able to move again and was headed to rehab to continue her recovery. But Dr. Hooman is back with worse news. He tells Entertainment Tonight that Abby has Burkitt Lymphoma, a form of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. He’s waiting to get pathology and oncology results before confirming that Abby has cancer. That should happen in the next two days or so.
Since vitamin C (for cynicism) is a nutrient that my body is never low on, I thought that Abby Lee Miller’s dramatic trips to the hospital from her suite at the halfway house were just STUNT QUEEN stunts to woo Lifetime executives into giving her another show. But according to a doctor who treated her, they weren’t stunts. Abby Lee Miller’s spine was struck with an infection that temporarily paralyzed her from the neck down. Being temporarily paralyzed from the neck down is scary and awful, but at least Abby Lee Miller could still use her mouth to curse and scream at candy stripers who brought the wrong flavor of Jell-O.
The real world’s own Miss Hannigan, Abby Lee Miller, managed to get some extra free time outside of the walls of her halfway house by taking a little trip to the hospital for a back injury.
Just two weeks ago, Abby was released from prison where she served 8 months for bankruptcy fraud before being sent to a halfway house to serve out the duration of her term (another 4 months and change). According to TMZ, Abbey spent last night in the emergency room instead of on the bottom bunk smelling her roommate’s farts. An ambulance was called to Abby’s residential reentry center in Long Beach, CA for an “unspecified medical complaint“.
We’re told Abby was able to walk out of the facility on her own and got into an ambulance, where she was taken to get care.
Abby seems like the kind of drama queen to throw herself in front of a parked car and scream “I’ve been hit!!!” in order to get some attention and a Vicodin prescription. She is serving time for fraud after all. But who am I to judge what happens between a lady’s back and her halfway house?
Entertainment Tonight reports that Abby suffers from a “lingering” injury that will eventually need to be corrected surgically, according to a source. Maybe she tweaked it on that massage chair at the nail shop she headed to the moment she got released from prison?
Update: TMZ has video from today of Abby once again leaving the halfway house for a hospital.
Ursula the Sea Witch’s more evil half-sister Abby Lee Miller checked into the Victorville Federal Correctional Institution in CA last July after the feds indicted her on 20 counts of fraud for trying to hide $755,000 from the government when she filed for Chapter 11. Abby ended up pleading guilty to bankruptcy fraud and was sentenced to 366 days in the chokey. Abby was supposed to be let out into the wild in February, but her release date was pushed back due to red tape, or whatever. But the day that the souls of children have been shaking over is upon us. Abby’s prison cell was opened today and she left Victorville Federal Correction Institution for a halfway house.
I barely made it past season two of Orange is The New Black but at least it’s given me a good working knowledge of the ins and outs of a women’s correctional facility. New arrivals should keep their head down, find a crew and not act whiny, privileged and obnoxious. Sounds like Abby Lee Miller, formerly of Dance Moms and currently of Cell Block 666, did not add “binge watch OITNB” to her pre-prison activities list because she’s totally pulled a Piper. According to Radar, everybody in prison hates her as much as everyone on the outside does.