Goopy Paltrow’s Manhattan white palace is on the market for $12.8 million and it’s been described as an apartment that “floats above the cobblestone streets like a pale, dreamy cloud.” That pretentious ass description makes me want to barf…. all over that kitchen that’s more sterile and ice cold than Goopy herself – Lainey Gossip 

Oh yeah, I forgot that professional paparazzi bikini model LeAnn Rimes is a singer too – Celebitchy

Meghan King Edmonds from The Real PlasticWives of Orange County is knocked up – Reality Tea

One of the Pretty Little Liars did her best JLo cosplay – Drunken Stepfather

 Charlotte McKinney’s magnificent chichis braved the heat for the sake of a little pap action – The Superficial 

What in slutty space granny HELL is Lindsay Lohan wearing? – The Nip Slip 

The Photoshop Awards: Priyanka Chopra’s armpit – Jezebel

Looking, a show I forgot happened, is back with a trailer for its 2-hour finale movie – Towleroad

Germany’s Finest Rose kissed another delicate blossom, and I’m guessing it’s because they’re genuine lesbians in love and not because they’re shameless attention whores – Hollywood  Tuna 

RIP Penny Dreadful – Pajiba

MiserAlba’s shoes look like orthopedic goth sandals from the 90s – Popoholic

That dog totally just butt burped on Heidi Klum’s tit – SOW

Carly Rae Jepsen is doing shampoo commercials in Japan – OMG Blog

What I’m getting from that picture is that RiRi really wants LeBron James to jizz out his number on her stomach – IDLYITW

Idris Elba, Alexander Skarsgard and Prince Hot Ginge, take note, this is how you should pose on the red carpet – Popsugar

Panty Creamers of the Day: Alexander Skarsgard and Theo James bring their nipples out in some movie – Just Jared

Pic: GOOP

Some people need the sweet nectar to get them through a gross flight. Some people needs meds. And some people need both. Well, Selma Blair may fall under the third category, only today, it ended with her leaving the plane on a stretcher.

TMZ says that Selma was riding in first class on a Delta flight from Cancun to LAX today. She was allegedly drinking red wine. Witnesses tell TMZ that they saw Selma put something in her wine and mix it in. Those witnesses claim that a quick second after that, Selma started crying and said disturbing things about an unnamed man, “He burns my private parts. He won’t let me eat or drink. He beats me. He’s going to kill me.” There were 2 nurses on the plane who tried to figure out what was going on and searched Selma’s bags for pills.

The pilot radioed ahead, so when the plane landed at LAX, medical personnel boarded, put Selma on a stretcher and took her to the hospital. It’s not known if Selma was flying by herself or not. A few days ago, Selma posted a picture on Instagram of herself and her son with the caption: “We’re leaving on a jet plane. Dad is already asleep. Not for long. Bwahahahha . #fathersdayweekend” The father of Selma’s son and her ex Jason Bleick also posted a picture on Instagram this morning of himself and his with the caption: “On our way back from Fathers Day in Mexico.” UPDATE: People says that Selma’s 4-year-old son was on the flight with her. Witnesses all say that Selma was mixing her wine with prescription meds.

Not Selma Blair! I swear, let’s just all go back to bed and wake up when it’s 2017. 2016 is the Donald Trump of years.

Selma Blair played Pimp Mama Kris in American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson, so as soon as she gets better (I hope she gets better), she needs to take a long bath in holy water and cover herself with sage smoke while chanting an anti-Kardashian chant (aka the lyrics to any Taylor Swift song). The Kartrashian Kurse is no joke.

Pic: Wenn.com

“Picture it, Washington Heights, 2016….”

With so much awful news kneeing us in the face left and right, it’s nice to finally get a warm kiss from a rainbow in the form of happy news. DNAinfo says that Rue McLanahan’s best friend, Michael J. LaRue (Rue and LaRue, they were meant to be), is opening up a Golden Girls-themed cafe as a tribute to her and he’s doing it in the Manhattan neighborhood of Washington Heights. This will be the greatest restaurant to hit Manhattan since Fashion Cafe!

The Rue La Rue Cafe is planning to open this September and it’s of course going to sell cheesecake as well as food that’s tied to characters and situations from the show. Michael, who was the executor of Rue’s estate and the administrator of her will, inherited many of her belongings including memorabilia from the show. He plans to decorate the cafe with Golden Girls memorabilia and he also plans to have live music with help from Rue’s personal piano. He said at a Community Board 12 licensing committee meeting that Rue’s son is his business partner and the Walt Disney Company (who owns the Golden Girls because Mickey Mouse’s evil ass owns everything) has given him the okay to make GG merchandise. He also promises that the last-surviving Golden Girl Betty White will be at the cafe’s ribbon cutting ceremony in September. Michael LaRue said this at the meeting:

“I believe I can turn this place into a mini-tourist [hub] in Washington Heights. I believe the neighborhood is going to support this. I believe the population exists here already.”

My idea of the perfect Golden Girls-themed restaurant is one that’s in Miami, looks like an exact replica of Blanche’s lanai and kitchen, serves only cheesecake made by Coco the gay cook and features a floor show starring GG impersonators acting out the Henny Penny episode. But I’m not going to bitch and moan about how Michael LaRue’s Golden Girls-themed cafe doesn’t sound very Golden Girlsy. This is what we all need now, and I’ll take it! Although, if someone opened up a hot dog cart and called it The Golden Girls Cafe, it’d be my favorite restaurant. I’m as easy as Blanche when it comes to the Golden Girls.

“24 Hours of Le Mans” sounds like the name of an all day tea party thrown by John Travolta in the basement bathhouse of the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Paris, but it’s actually the name an annual car race held in Le Mans, France.

Brad Pitt put on a pair of his signature transition lenses glasses to wave the starting flag at the beginning of the race on Saturday. There’s video of him waving the flag, but it’s boring and he does it all wrong. He just waves the flag! Somebody should’ve told his ass that he needed to watch Paula Abdul’s Rebel Without A Cause-themed video for “Rush Rush.” Because if he watched it he’d know that after waving the flag, he’s supposed to turn around and run after the cars! Like this:

Dumbass Brad!

On a positive note, it looks like Brad Pitt is finally done with looking like a hobo whose peen produces 8 kinds of cheese and whose armpits are the #2 tourist destination for fleas after Johnny Depp’s armpits. Brad is actually looking freshly bathed. I’m guessing that every time a Pig Pen-like cloud of stank wafts off of Brad, the Child Army leaves a trail of weed buds from his den to the backyard and when he gets there, they attack him with a garden hose and soap. And he falls for it every single time.

Pics: Wenn.com, FameFlynet

If that headline and that picture above has taught me anything, it’s that Tom DeLonge is only a puke green suit and a can of extra-hold mousse away from becoming the Ancient Aliens guy.

Last year, Mark Hoppus and Travis Barker of Blink-182 publicly slapped at former member Tom DeLonge during an interview with Rolling Stone for being a giant flake and headache of a human. Not long after, Tom gave some of us a headache when he took us on a crazy ride while talking to Paper magazine about his personal experience with aliens. And now, Tom is talking about aliens again.

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Charlie Sheen was in the UK over the weekend, because he did a live interview with fellow flaming suppository Piers Morgan at a theater in London. Watching Charlie and Piers in a conversation is probably like watching two b-holes take turns busting out a sloppy wet fart into each other. Charlie was on The Graham Norton Show to promote his live scat show with Piers, and the subject of Donald Trump was brought up.

In the past, Piers has stuck his tongue up Donald Trump’s ass many times and so Graham asked Charlie for this thoughts about the mutated moldy Circus Peanut. Charlie made it clear that he’s not here for Trump. Charlie then told a story about how Trump gave him a pair of “platinum diamond Harry Winston” cufflinks that turned out to be worth less than the stunning “gold” jewelry my cousins buy from a dude with a briefcase on the beaches in Ensenada, Mexico.

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