One day – ONE DAY – after she dramatically announced she was quitting Twitter and Instagram in an attempt to stop herself from “sayin shit“, Demi Lovato is back. I honestly thought she’d at least be able to make it to Friday, but no. Clearly the only thing worse than negative attention was the thought of getting no attention.

Literally 24 hours after she blew her goodbye kisses to the crowd from the metaphorical balcony, she hopped back on Twitter to announce that “the haters” couldn’t stop her from tweeting whatever nonsense her fingers felt like typing. It’s just like everyone’s wise old grandfathers used to say: If you stop being a mess on social media, then the haters have truly won.

Fuck this.. I’m back bitches. And I’m coming back more honest than ever

— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 21, 2016

I love my Lovatics so fucking much

— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 22, 2016

I love my Lovatics too much to leave them over some lame ass haters.. What was I thinking?! ??

— Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) June 22, 2016

“More honest.” Watch out, other famous people – Demi’s shit-starting quest continues! I can’t wait to see who Demi comes for next. My money is on either Meghan Trainor or that famous Instagram dog whose tongue is always hanging out.

Okay, let’s see if I can’t get this straight. Demi quit Twitter and Instagram because she finally realized she kept saying stuff that was getting her into trouble and that bad internet strangers were bothering her. But then she returned vowing to say even more stuff that will inevitably get her into trouble. You know, for the good internet strangers. Does anyone know how to get Demi’s number to Iyanla Vanzant? Because this feels like a real Fix My Life situation. You know your life needs some SuperSoul Sunday-levels of fixing when you’re crying wolf about quitting Twitter.

Pic: Splash

When you drunk-Amazon for designer shoes and end up with “Louie Croutons” :-/ – imnotannie

Upvote winner:

Jimmy Chews. – OurMissC 

Pic: Izismile

Margaret Foster (as played by Peggy Pope), the alcoholic secretary from 9 to 5!

We could all use a drunk, but lovable, co-worker who constantly cheers us on while giving us a slap on the taint. So, you want to kidnap your scab-encrusted sexist shit bag of a boss and Fifty Shades him into a chair in his mansion? Atta girl! So, you almost murder your pus-filled nipple pimple of a boss by accidentally putting rat poison in his coffee? Atta girl! So, you’re completely over everything and want to get Audrina’s mom-levels of drunk? Atta girl!

Margaret Foster is the alcoholic secretary in 9 to 5 who spits out one of the movie’s most memorable lines, “Atta girl,” which is something you usually say to a dog. “Atta girl” is Margaret’s catchphrase and was even the title of her memoirs. As it should be, because nobody says it like her:

On April Fool’s Day ten years ago, I joked that they were making a sequel to 9 to 5 called 10 to 6. I’m all for a sequel, but I hope they never do a reboot. Because if they ever reboot 9 to 5 and bring it into modern day, Margaret will be replaced with a millennial intern who won’t turn around and say “Atta girl” when the girls go down to the bar. She’ll instead tag Violet, Doralee and Judy in a tweet and say, “Savage AF moms!”

(For Keith H)

Kris Kristofferson (80)
Anwar Hadid (17)
Dinah Jane Hansen of Fifth Harmony (19)
Overly Attached Girlfriend (25)
Portia Doubleday (28)
Bob The Drag Queen (30)
Douglas Smith (31)
Porsha Williams (35)
Jai Rodriguez (37)
Donald Faison (42)
Lecy Goranson (42)
Carson Daly (43)
Mary Lynn Rajskub (45)
Laila Rouass (45)
Kevin Aviance (48)
Emmanuelle Seigner (50)
Uwe Boll (51)
Amy Brenneman (52)
Dan Brown (52)
Randy Couture (53)
Erin Brockovich (56)
Tracy Pollan (56)
Bruce Campbell (58)
Cyndi Lauper (63)
Meryl Streep (67)
Lindsay Wagner (67)
Klaus Maria Brandauer (73)
Michael Lerner (75)
Prunella Scales (84)

Pic: Getty

Beyonce is on beycation in Hawaii, and since the promo never ends, she wore a lemon crown and necklace. Her lemon crown and necklace are probably solid gold and cost $90,000 each, but I can’t wait to see the members of the Beyhive work their own cheap bitch version made from gold rope and empty lemon juice containers – Lainey Gossip 

Tom Hiddleston claims that his butt is not dangerous. Um, I’m sure Tom’s butt is dangerous after he eats Taco Bell. Everyone’s butt is dangerous after eating Taco Bell – Celebitchy

And Andy Cohen will beg Lauri Peterson to go back to Real Housewives of Orange County in 3…2…. – Reality Tea 

Michael Jackson was reportedly into some dark-sided and unholy shit that’ll make you wish you could drill a hole into your skull and pour bleach in – The Superficial 

Bella Thorne Snapchatted her bare back – Hollywood Tuna 

In “people have wars in their countries” news, Billy Eichner and Ross Matthews got into a Twitter fight over a dumb Capital One commercial – Towleroad

WARNING: Pull out the eyeball Band-Aids, because Elle Fanning’s V Magazine spread is so edgy it’ll leave paper cuts on your eyes – Drunken Stepfather

And keep those eyeball Band-Aids out, because you may get poked in the eye by Jennifer Aniston’s hard nip – The Nip Slip 

Katy Perry either shaded Taylor Swift with her perfume name or everybody is spraining several muscles from all the reaching – Jezebel

Kermit the Frog should really sue Good Morning America for this – Pajiba

Okay, but I’m still waiting for an action figure of the Backin’ Up Lady  – OMG Blog

Blake NotSoLively looks like she’s wearing someone’s mother’s prom dress from the 60s – Popoholic

Hilary Duff’s trainer may be her piece after all – HuffPo

This mini Mean Girls reunion had me at “Chibi the Chihuahua” – Boy Culture 

Iggy Azalea didn’t throw all of Nick Young’s shit out of her house after all – Just Jared

I’m a little disappointed about the fact that THE QUEEN’s iPad isn’t gold too – Popsugar

Pic: Beyonce.com

Selma Blair is thankfully okay after she had a freak out on a plane and had to be taken off on a stretcher. Selma was flying back from a Father’s Day weekend trip in Cancun with her ex-man and their 4-year-old son when she started crying and made disturbing accusations like, “He burns my private parts,” and, “He’s going to kill me.” Witnesses said that Selma was drinking red wine and took some pills. She was shuffled off to the hospital. She tells Vanity Fair today that she danced with danger by mixing pills with the sweet nectar. Selma had a bad trip on that plane and gave this explanation and apology:

“I made a big mistake yesterday. After a lovely trip with my son and his Dad, I mixed alcohol with medication, and that caused me to black out and led me to say and do things that I deeply regret. My son was with his Dad asleep with his headphones on, so there is that saving grace. I take this very seriously, and I apologize to all of the passengers and crew that I disturbed and am thankful to all of the people who helped me in the aftermath. I am a flawed human being who makes mistakes and am filled with shame over this incident. I am truly very sorry.”

I’m going to guess that Ambien (aka the exorcist pill) is to blame. Not too long ago, I posted one of my many incoherent and ridiculous posts, and someone e-mailed me to ask if I was in a red wine and Ambien-produced haze when I wrote it. I know, what do they take me for? It was a wine cooler and Nytol haze! Red wine and Ambien? Pfft. That’s way too high class for me.

Pic: Wenn.com