Melania Trump Threw Billy Bush Under The Gold-Plated Bus
I swear, Donald Trump better have instructed his lawyers to shred his prenup with Melania Trump, because she once again had to take time out from her busy day of shopping for diamonds and injecting panther sperm into her face (Botox is for poor peasants) to repeat a bunch of pre-written words while defending him in an interview. It’s truly hard out there for a Slovenian trophy wife.
Open Post: Hosted By Beyonce Proving She’s An Android
During Beyonce’s performance at the TIDAL X: 1015 concert at Barclays in Brooklyn on Saturday night, her earring got caught on her clip-on rope braid and ripped out of her ear lobe. Now, if Beyonce was a human who felt physical pain, she would’ve screamed for the music to stop, ordered for the overhead lights to be turned on and made a nurse fix her damn earlobe. She’s Beyonce and must know that even if she sat on a folding chair and chewed on a protein bar as a nurse fixed her earlobe, her crazed fans would still love every second of it and call it the greatest performance they’ve ever seen. But since Beyonce is a robot made in an Illuminati factory, she kept on yodeling as her ear bled:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BLmx9-thH4X/?taken-by=theshaderoom&hl=en
What’s really weird to me is that not one Beyhive member tried to jump on that stage to lick their God’s wound while drinking her blood. Eh, they must all have already bought a vial of her cyborg blood on eBey.
And here’s Beyonce looking like a stripper who’s about to hustle for lap dances at a Mayan-themed strip club.
Pic: Wenn.com
Bob Dylan Might Not Show Up To Collect His Nobel Prize
Last week, music legend Bob Dylan became the first songwriter ever to receive the Nobel Prize for Literature. The Nobel Prize committee all agreed that Bob Dylan deserved the award for being a “great poet” and for creating “new poetic expressions.” The only problem is, it appears that Bob Dylan isn’t that interested in being a Nobel Prize recipient.
Some People On Twitter Think That Pamela Anderson Is A Secret Assassin Who Poisoned Julian Assange With Vegan Food
Earlier I wrote about how Azealia Banks was kicked out of Russell Crowe’s hotel suite after allegedly acting a mess. And now I’m writing about how a few people on Twitter believe that Pamela Anderson murdered Julian Assange with a poisoned vegan sandwich. I fully expect my next post to be a truthful story about how Bat Boy recently butt birthed out the bat/alien baby he made with Benedict Cumberbatch, because today’s theme is: stories that read like they were ripped out of The Weekly World News.
Dianna Agron Is Now Married To One Of Mumford’s Sons
UsWeekly says that Dianna Agron, aka Quinn Fabray on Glee, got married to the banjo player from Mumford & Sons and rumored one-time Katy Perry hook-up Winston Marshall. This would be the second time a member of Mumford & Sons got married to a blonde actress. My thoughts are with the Mumford son who breaks tradition and marries a brunette yoga instructor.
30-year-old Dianna and 27-year-old Winston have been together since July 2015 and her rep confirms that they got married on October 15th in Morocco. Morrocco seems like an odd choice for a Mumford wedding. I’m pretty sure a Mumford & Sons wedding isn’t legal unless it takes place in an old dilapidated barn under a canopy of Edison light bulbs as the bride walks down the aisle in a yellowed lace dress holding a bouquet of wildflowers.
There aren’t a whole lot of pictures of Dianna and Winston’s wedding, but a few have popped up on the internet.
https://twitter.com/CeliaCom7/status/788032176084377600
That picture on the upper right is what Dianna and Winston looked like when they got married. I don’t know who the guy on the left is, but the three of them look like VIP guests attending Morocco’s version of the Hunger Games.
There’s no word on who was at the wedding, like if any of the Glee kids went. But I think we’d know if either Lea Michele or Naya Rivera were there. I already checked, and I haven’t seen any stories about the wedding guests running out of the reception after Lea and Naya grabbed a couple mics and tried to out-sing each other during the first dance.
Pic: Splash
Casper Smart May Really Be One Of The Dumbest Gold Diggers Ever
Two months ago, the low-budget, direct-to-basic-cable reboot of Kevin Federline known as Casper Not-So-Smart once again lost his cushy job as Jennifer Lopez’s ass moisturizer applier/purse holder. At the time, it was rumored that Casper’s name was removed from JLo’s list of regular payees after he failed to fulfill one of his duties as a professional kept bitch. Casper supposedly refused to escort his sugar mami to some party in the Hamptons. But now a source tells People that JLo terminated Casper’s employment after she caught the (alleged) glory hole lothario passing his peen to another AGAIN. Someone needs to retake the intro course at Heather Mills’ Preschool for Aspiring Gold Diggers, because the first rule you learn is to never cheat! The second rule you learn is that if you’re going to cheat, only cheat with a richer mark.