Last week, Joe Jonas did a Reddit Ask Me Anything, and during it he let everyone know who was the first lady to jump on the largest Jonas dick. Joe said that he lost his virginity to “this girl named Ashley” and added to “Google it to figure out which Ashley that is.” It was obvious he was talking about Twilight person Ashley Greene. You’d think Ashley Green would have been happy that so many people were searching her name in 2016, but she wasn’t.

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Yesterday, I saw the headline “Azealia Banks Alleges Physical Abuse at the Hands of Actor Russell Crowe” and it immediately activated the question mark maker inside of my head. My brain shot out a thousand Huhs?, Whats? and Hows? And the easy answer to all of those questions is: 2016!! 2016 keeps finding extremely creative ways to show us that it’s the corner where “mess” and “fuckery” meet.

In a now-deleted Facebook post, Azealia Banks claimed that noted phone thrower Russell Crowe choked her out, spit at her, called her the n-word and threw her out of his hotel suite. Multiple witnesses told TMZ that yes, Azealia was thrown out of Russell’s suite, but she was tossed through the door after she acted a mess and threatened to stab him and another guest in the froat. You mean to tell me that Russell Crowe and Azealia Banks were in the same room together and shit turned into a scene from a Bad Girls Club reunion. That’s surprising since Azealia and Russell have always been known to be reasonable and calm.

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It’s no secret that Nicki Minaj isn’t afraid to raise her hand and loudly say “Um, EXCUSE ME!” when she sees something that sets her off. Like calling out ass acceptability standards, or time the MTV VMAs gave Taylor Swift more nominations than her. Now she’s letting everyone know how she feels about Kanye West marrying the metaphorical “white girl” from his 2005 song Gold Digger. Not surprisingly, Nicki’s not having it.

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Melissa Etheridge found frozen after attempting to come to Angie’s window. – Emily_loves_vino

Upvote winner:

Nobody puts Ice Ice Baby in a corner – Petty Officer Diana Prince

Pic: Tosh.0

Officer Deuntay Diggs, the police lieutenant from Stafford County, Virginia who nearly put Beyonce out of a job when his hot moves set fire to the gym at North Stafford High School during a pep rally on Friday!

You probably feel like a black cloud just butt fucked you dry, and that mean it’s Monday again. And before we start yet another week of headlines that make you want to give up everything and join a pack of wolves in the mountains, let’s get into some actual positive shit. North Stafford High School in Stafford, VA held a pep rally on Friday and from my experience, pep rallies are about as fun as going caca in a busy rest stop bathroom. But Officer Diggs turned that pep rally into a must-see event when he busted out moves to Beyonce’s Formation.

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