Open Post: Hosted By A Great White Shark Busting Into A Diver’s Cage
I never wanted to take scuba diving lessons for two reasons. The first is my prediction that I would never be able to master that very necessary “breathe in through your mouth/out through your nose” maneuver. I’d end up drowning myself while learning to scuba dive (I can’t walk and chew gum either). The second is the video you’re about to watch below from Mashable.
A Great White shark merely wanted some of that tuna bait the guys on the boat put out. I assume it was to draw sharks near for underwater photography. Well, I guess the bait needs to be kept at a distance, cause the shark went for the bait and got into the cage… WITH THE DIVER INSIDE. No thank you to being in an enclosed space underwater using an artificial breathing apparatus alongside a doll-eyed killing machine. That’s not fun.
As often happens because humans are composed of dumb luck, the only one injured was the poor shark. It looks like he’ll be ok, though. I’m sure he swam away nursing his wounds and thinking “stupid ass humans.”
Check out some diving cage shark slapstick below.
Lindsay Lohan Is Planning A Line Of Spas, Wants To Give Health Drinks To Refugees
Adding nightclub owner to her resume wasn’t enough for branding genius Lindsay Lohan. According to TMZ, she’s got plans to open a line of spas. She’ll offset all of this capitalism by “creating and distributing organic health drinks” for refugees. Wow, someone stumbled across NPR.org while searching for Putin’s address to send him an autographed picture of herself.
Brandi Glanville Has Announced A Return To Lesbianism
Defrocked Real Housewives of Beverly Hills harridan Brandi Glanville has jokingly tweeted that she’s back to being a lesbian. It’s nice to read that Joanne Krupa’s allegedly malodorous vagina has failed to turn Brandi off of same-sex relationships.
Donald Trump Finally Added SNL To His List Of Personal Grievances
Nerf-hued ladykiller and presidential candidate Donald Trump has spent what seems like several years now (seriously, this election will never end) lashing out at every real and imagined obstacle in his path to the White House. Simultaneously, he’s provided the world with enough comedic fodder to last us for an eternity. Saturday Night Live has benefitted from this, recruiting Alec Baldwin for a spot-on impersonation of him. Oddly, even though Donald’s made a strategy of throwing temper tantrums online and in the press at anyone who even looks at him wrong, he hasn’t mentioned the show. Until now.
Olivia Wilde And Jason Sudekis Are Parents Again
People reports that subway seats for pregnant women activist Olivia Wilde gave birth to a daughter this past Tuesday. Daisy Josephine Sudekis is her second kid with her fiance, former Saturday Night Live dude Jason Sudekis. They also have a two-year-old son, named Otis Alexander. Daisy is a lovely little name for a girl. Most of all, it’s within the realm of sanity. This is show business. That child could have been cursed with Amish Pantha, Gorgeous Nebula, or Wilderness Aubergine. If celebrity gossip blogging on the weekends doesn’t work out, I could always start some sort of baby naming service for Hollywood hipster parents, huh?
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Italy’s 24-hour free wine fountain!
Around 140 miles from Rome is a wondrous Shangri-La for us sweet nectar-guzzling drunks who regularly pray to Hay-Soos to please use his magical wine-turning touch to turn our bathroom sink faucet into a bottomless wine fountain. The Local (via Eater) reports that the Dora Sarchese Vineyard in the small town of Caldari di Ortona in Abruzzo has built the promise land for winos. The fontana del vino spurts out locally-produced red wine and that alone makes it a beautiful, beautiful thing. But what really makes it heaven on earth for cheap drunks is that it pours free out red wine 24 hours a day! To paraphrase a couple of lyrics from the holy hymn Heaven Is A Place On Earth by Belinda Carlisle : They say in heaven, wine comes first. We’ll make heaven a place on earth!