Birthday Sluts
Paul Simon (75)
Noah Crawford (22)
Tiffany Trump (23)
Ian Thorpe (34)
Kele Okereke (35)
Ashanti (36)
Billy Bush (45)
Sacha Baron Cohen (45)
Serena Altschul (46)
Paul Potts (46)
Rhett Akins (47)
Nancy Kerrigan (47)
Tisha Campbell-Martin (48)
Kate Walsh (49)
Kelly Preston (54)
Jerry Rice (54)
Joey Belladonna (56)
Marie Osmond (57)
Chris Carter (59)
Beverly Johnson (64)
Sammy Hagar (69)
Demond Wilson (70)
Melinda Dillon (77)
Nana Mouskouri (82)
Pic: The Jim Henson Company
Night Crumbs
St. Angie Jolie’s thin-skinned legal team sent a cease and desist to Perez Hilton for writing about her messy divorce fight. Perez told them to fuck off and to suck his dick and he claims they responded by apologizing. So when Perez Hilton tells a lawyer to fuck off, he gets an apology, but when I do it, I get served with a lawsuit outside of Target after buying lube, vodka and Gardetto’s. Life isn’t fair – Lainey Gossip
Parasite Hilton’s newest living and breathing fashion accessory looks like she already hates life – Celebitchy
But does Erika Jayne pat the octopus? – Reality Tea
For a good five seconds, I really thought that Hilary Duff had a bunny tail taped to her ass. I need sleep – Drunken Stepfather
Samantha Bee dragged Donald Trump by his dead guinea pig hair: part 2,984,391 – The Superficial
The audacity of Bella Hadid thinking that she can pull off the hot outfit that Cristal Conners wears to the Cheetah in Showgirls. Well, Bella thought wrong! – The Nip Slip
Raja as Divine = ???????? – Towleroad
Here’s Anna Kendrick wearing an S&M straitjacket dress – Popoholic
T-Mobile knows what the people want to see! – OMG Blog
Tom Brady is not here for reporters asking about his bro Donald Trump’s “locker room” talk – Pajiba
Another day, another reality trick who is living that champagne life on a beer budget – Starcasm
Heidi Klum LIES! – SOW
UsWeekly says that Kristen Stewart and St. Vincent are definitely bumping hipster ‘ginas – Popsugar
I see Miss Philippines trying to take Miss Austria out – Hollywood Tuna
Rest in peace, Tommy Ford – Just Jared
Pic: Wenn.com
Joe Jonas Is Still Talking About His Dick
And I still write about Joe Jonas talking about his dick because dick.
Seen above demonstrating my favorite way to pop pimples, Joe Jonas did a Reddit Ask Me Anything (via Vulture) yesterday and he spilled out the name of who fucked his purity ring off and also said the same thing he said to Andy Cohen last July: he’d like to believe he’s got the biggest dick out of all his brothers. You know, these Jonas Brothers keep pandering to us peen lovers by talking about which one of them has got the biggest dick. They need to settle this already in an HD pay-per-view dick measuring event. I volunteer to be the ruler. In the meantime, after the cut are the answers that Joe dribbled out when asked about his peen, his brother’s nipples, his man crushes and more.
McDonald’s Has Sent Ronald Away Until The Clowns Stop Terrorizing The World
Everyone in the world who isn’t doing themselves up in clown drag to scare people are singing the opposite of what Desiree sings in A Little Night Music. We’re all singing, “Send AWAY the clowns.” (Yes, I’m that theater queen who makes an A Little Night Music reference in a post about terrifying clowns.)
Clowns are currently fucking up the world. They’re clogging up our jails, they’re causing our schools to go on lockdown, they’re killing the careers of professional nice clowns, and one of the most terrifying clowns in history is running for POTUS. We’re under a clown-idemic and now McDonald’s has announced that they’re cutting down on Ronald McDonald’s appearances until this clown hysteria is over.
This Is What Amber Heard Looks Like As Mera
When it was announced way back in March that Amber Heard was cast as Aquaman’s wife Mera in 2017’s Justice League film and 2018’s Aquaman (starring Jason Momoa), it sounded like they weren’t bringing much glamour to the costume. Amber described Mera’s costume as being “half suit of armor, half scales.” Well, as you can see by that picture that was released today, Amber’s description was pretty accurate.
The first picture of Amber Heard as Mera was taken by Justice League director Zack Snyder. Amber was right about working a half armor, half scales look. It’s very Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman going to a Paradise Island Halloween party in a homemade Poison Ivy costume. Amber forgot to mention the part about that sad red shake-and-go Lindsay Lohan wig. I know Mera lives in the sea and her hair is exposed to water almost 24-hours a day, but that’s no excuse for hair like that. Amber’s Mera needs to call up Ariel and ask where she buys her leave-in treatments, or at the very least, how to use a dinglehopper without causing so much damage.
Warner Bros. also released concept art of Mera’s costume and it’s terrifying.
That’s not Mera; that’s the corpse of She-Hulk wearing an Emily Blunt mask after specifying in her will that she wanted to be donated to the Bodyworlds exhibit. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s just concept art and not a real thing that lives in the water, otherwise I won’t go swimming ever again.
Pics: IGN via Warner Bros. and DC Comics
Open Post: Hosted By A Kitten In A Tube Sock Sweater
This picture is one of those things that I didn’t know I needed in my life until it was in my life.
People pointed me toward tweets from Twitter user @crysomemore (aka Sarahfu) who tweeted pictures of my new fashion icon at a PetSmart in Raleigh, North Carolina over the weekend. Sarahfu writes that she went into PetSmart (she accidentally called it “Petco” at first) to grab something for her cat and noticed a bunch of kittens up for adoption, so she went over to look at them. One family was looking for a cat to adopt. When an assistant at PetSmart’s Banfield Pet Hospital found out that the family was hoping to take a furball home, she brought out their newest arrival and Vogue’s next cover star: Kitten In A Tube Sock Sweater! (Yeah right, like Anna Wintour would put someone with real fashion sense on the cover of Vogue.)
The vet assistant said that the kitten was brought in the day before by a concerned citizen who found her getting rained on during Hurricane Matthew. The family instantly fell in love with Kitten In A Tube Sock Sweater and eventually adopted her.
https://twitter.com/crysomemore/status/785230921922469888
Ken Bone had a good run, but he just got shown up hard in the sweater department by this tube sock pussy (which sounds like the name of the weirdest sex act ever). Tube socks are probably sold out everywhere, because you know every kitten out there is going to try to work this look for fall. The emphasis is on the word “try,” because they’ll never be able to work it like the original Kitten In A Tube Sock Sweater!
Pic: @crysomemore