Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons played two married dummies named Peggy and Ed on the second season of Fargo, and their whole relationship centered around them bumbling their way through the cover-up of a whoopsie-murder. Spending months talking about body-disposal, blood-removal, and the best way not to get revenge-murdered by farmers was the sort of thing that brought them close together. How could it not? They reportedly hooked up in real-life after the show ended, and now there’s a rumor that they’re engaged. Kirsten Dunst may be one step closer to living out that wifey life she’s always dreamed of.
Oh, Nicole, Nicole, please save your Taylor Swift role-play costumes for your bedroom times with Keith Urban. Our eyes don’t need it!
“Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing a badly made Taylor Swift wax figure on the guest list,” said the organizers of the opening gala of the Palm Springs International Festival last night when Nicole Kidman walked the red carpet in one of Elle Fanning’s old dresses that her kids doodled on. That dress was made by Dior, but it looks more like something from David Bridal’s collection of wedding clothes inspired by Angelina Jolie’s doodled-on wedding dress. That whole look is giving me a Big situation. Because of that end-of-the-night prom hair and that dress from Justice, it looks like a little girl took over her body and made all of the design decisions for her. It’s a little Whatever Happened To Baby Jane goes to spring formal.
Thankfully, glamorous savior Suzanne Somers once again cleansed the red carpet of messy dreadfulness with her Ann Jillian razor cut, Wayland Flowers-approved rouge and L’eggs covered legs.
If it went with her ensemble, I’d say that Suzanne Somers should get a Medal of Honor for saving events with her sparkly glamour!
And here’s more pics from the Palm Springs International Film Festival including Natalie Portman wearing Darth Vader maternity chic and Pharrell Williams looking like the manager at a matador-themed gay club that only plays songs from the 80s.
When Anna Chlumsky came strolling up the red carpet of the Emmys last night in an ensemble Michael accurately described as looking very bed in a bag, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone in a set of deluxe full/queen sheets sashayed behind her. And that person was Kristen Bell. To be honest, I don’t know who hit the red carpet first, Kristen or Anna. It’s a real “Which came first, the sheets or the duvet” situation.
Regardless, Kristen is doing just as much for me as Anna’s look was. Maybe more, actually, because I’ve always loved a printed bed sheet. I don’t know if everyone did this, but when I was a kid, I used to make my bed with my sheets pattern-side-down. That way, when I made my bed and pulled back my comforter, you got a subtle hint of my elegant bed linens (ie. my Little Mermaid sheets). I felt so classy, like “I bet this is how Margo from Punky Brewster does her bed.” But while I love Kristen’s expensive floral sheet dress, I don’t know if many of us would want to sleep on it. I think I see beading, and I’m pretty sure none of us would want to roll over in the middle of the night and land cheek-first on a cluster of sharp glass beads.
Of course, the cherry on top of a formal bedding situation has got to be the useless satin runner that lives at the foot of the bed. Luckily, Sarah Hyland has got us covered.
It was very nice of Betsey Johnson to remove her name from the nominees list, and therefore give people like Beyonce a fighting chance at taking home the CFDA’s Fashion Icon award. I’m assuming that’s what happened. Betsey Johnson has always been my favorite fashion weirdo. Even when I was very little and my knowledge of fashion was limited to skorts and whatever the look is called when you loop the bottom of a t-shirt through the neck hole, I knew that she was the definition of effortless, carefree WTF style. Effortless, because she always looks like she put in zero effort. Carefree, because I’m sure she’s free of cares when it comes to what anybody thinks about her. And WTF, because I still cannot figure out what the fuck is going on with those glue-in hair extension.
Betsey brought her carefree WTF style to the CFDA Awards last night. Betsey Johnson gave everyone “getting-her-groove-back grandma” mixed with Janice the Muppet and a side of boxed wine buzz. She’s on vacation from all her worries and troubles and the collection agency that won’t stop calling and demanding payment for that pesky overdue TJ Maxx credit card bill, and she doesn’t care who knows it! Betsey looks like she’s about to climb over the bar at her all-inclusive Mexican resort, grab a bottle of rum and a handful of limes, and smoker-bark over to her friends Buffy, Bambi, and Binky: “See you in the pool!” I want to be this version of Betsey Johnson when I grow up.
Of course, there always has to be a runner-up in the Pageant of Life, and I choose to give that honor to Selma Blair.
Last night, amfAR’s annual Cinema Against AIDS Gala happened in Cannes, and Katy Perry showed up looking like the mother of the bride if the bride was the red dress cha cha dancing emoji. I’m sure Katy’s dress is very ~expensive~ and is handcrafted from only the finest of materials, but for some reason it’s setting off my Michaels craft store radar. “‘For some reason” – listen to me, acting like it has nothing to do with the $80 worth of silk peony petals attached to her body.
I used to be obsessed with fake flowers. Maybe it was because I watched so much Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous while my 6-year-old brain was still developing. Although I have no idea what episode triggered by silk flower obsession. My obsession with wigs, however – that definitely happened during the Raquel Welch episode. Regardless of when it happened, I used to collect fake flowers and I thought they were so glamorous and high class. Placing a single plastic-stemmed rose on my book shelf truly added an instant touch of elegance to my collection of Baby-Sitters Club books. So as much as I want to laugh at Katy’s dress and make a joke about how it looks like something that was stolen out of a repurposed Snapple bottle vase in the bathroom of a budget banquet hall, I just can’t. My love of fake flowers won’t let me.
Here’s more of Katy Perry, and everyone else who was at the amfAR Gala. Thanks to Uma Thurman, we now know what it would look like if Day-To-Night Barbie quit her job to focus solely on the Night part.
Actually, that’s not really out of the ordinary for me – I have a pretty hard-core addiction to yellow mustard (it’s my good shit, bad shit, and everything-in-between shit). So if anything, staring at Jennifer Lopez’s picnic spread-looking dress isn’t doing much more than acting as a reminder that it’s been all of 20 minutes since my last hit. I wish that was a joke, but it’s not – I literally just dipped potato chips in mustard (I call it Sadness Dip).
Crippling mustard dependency aside, I love what JLo is wearing, but it seems very un-JLo to me. Usually when JLo prepares for a fancy red carpet events, her stylists are given two simple instructions:
1. Make JLo look mucho sexy.
2. Make sure that whatever JLo is wearing has enough movement in the arms so she can easily push Casper Smart out of the way when she gets her picture taken.
But JLo’s Golden Globes ensemble doesn’t do either of those things! Yes, JLo looks sexy, but she doesn’t look JLo™ sexy. Like, how are we supposed to know how much industrial-grade high-density liquid body shimmer has been shellacked onto her cleavage if we can’t even seen it? Not to mention that mustard yellow isn’t a color found on JLo’s sexy Pantone color palette (the only colors being: silver, gold, golden bronze, bronze, and DAZZLING).
And how is she supposed to push Casper out of the way properly if she’s wearing a cape that limits her pushing arm to a measly 45-degrees of outstretch? Someone on JLo’s styling team is gonna get fired today.
Here’s more of Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart (who clearly took advantage of the situation and managed to sneak into some red carpet photos), and a whole mess of fancy-dressed famous types from last night. My personal favorite (besides JLo, of course) is Kirsten Dunst, who looked like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark’s snobby old money Manhattan cousin.