Kirsten Dunst Thinks That A Relationship Only Works If The Woman Acts Like A Wifey

April 3, 2014 / Posted by:

Better make some room at the boardroom table of the Tee Hee, What’s Feminism? Association (their mission statement is a wink and a sexy giggle), because it looks like we’ve got a new member! Following in the footsteps of other real-life Malibu Stacy dolls, such as Lady Gaga and Naya Rivera, Kirsten Dunst has come forward in an interview with Harper’s Bazaar UK to explain what she thinks makes for a successful relationship:

“I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued. We all have to get our own jobs and make our own money, but staying at home, nurturing, being the mother, cooking—it’s a valuable thing my mom created. And sometimes, you need your knight in shining armor. I’m sorry. You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s why relationships work.”

Daywalker, PLEASE have several seats. Relationships work when you find that very special someone who doesn’t make you constantly roll your eyes or drive you to drink the cheap shit, and it has nothing to do with putting on a pair of heels and June Cleaver-ing around the house with a plate of cookies. So, no thank you. I’ll keep being me. For example: I’m really good at fixing shit and using tools (ie. what Kirsten would consider “eww…man work”). But apparently, I’ll never find my knight in shining armor because I’m not “being a woman”. I can re-wire a light socket and assemble anything from IKEA in less than 10 minutes without instructions, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t have a husband to open my pickle jars for me. Boo + hoo.

And I guess this means anyone in a same-sex relationship is totally fucked then. Are you a butch lesbian in a relationship with another butch lesbian? Bad news: one of you is going to have to cut up your Home Depot rewards card and trade in your flannel and become a rose-scented Stepford Wife, otherwise your relationship is DOOMED!

Here’s more of Kiki in Harper’s Bazaar UK dressed like a fairytale princess who’s thinking about all the different pot roasts she plans on cooking for her hubby:

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