Carole Baskin’s Late Husband’s Family Aired A PSA About His Disappearance During The Socially Distanced “Dancing With The Stars” Premiere
Alex, I’ll take “Headlines That Wouldn’t Have Made Any Goddamn Sense A Year Ago” for $1000.
Last night was the 29th season premiere of Dancing With The Stars. The show featured AJ McLean, Skai Jackson, Nelly, Johnny Weir, Anne Heche, Charles Oakley, Jeannie Mai, Jesse Metcalfe, Vernon Davis, Nev Schulman, Chrishelle Stause, Kaitlyn Bristowe, Monica from Cheer, Justina Machado, and, of course,
that bitch wildlife conservationist Carole Baskin! A beaming Carole performed a paso double with partner Pasha Pashkov to (ugh) Eye Of The Tiger. The duo received the lowest score of the night. RIGGED!
Yesterday, a federal judge in Oklahoma ruled in favor of Big Cat Rescue Corporation in its lawsuit against Greater Wynnewood Development Group, LLC, Joe Exotic’s former zoo, effectively handing the keys to the Tiger Kingdom over to Carole Baskin. Sounds like a win, but as with all things Tiger King, there are no winners. Just a string of increasingly sketchy losers. According to CNN, the park’s current owner Jeff Lowe has 120 days to vacate the premises. All of the animals are being sent to his new zoo which is basically a Tiger King theme park based on the Netflix documentary. All that Carole’s going to be getting is 16 acres of land in the middle of Oklahoma, “several cabins and vehicles” which are probably no more than spider-filled meth shacks and a couple of rusted out jalopies, and the ghost of Saff’s disembodied arm.
Big cats in America. So hot right now, thanks to Tiger King. But Joe Exotic and creepy cult leader Doc Antle (seriously, can someone at least attempt to deprogram his fake-titted wives?!) were far from the first people to surround themselves with exotic puss. Legendary actress Tippi Hedren, mother of Melanie Griffith, and grandmother to Dakota Johnson, was doing it fifty years ago.
At one time, Tippi, now 90 years old, rescued and owned around sixty lions and tigers. Obviously this is far more interesting than my own grandmother’s collection of chicken knick-knacks, so, while remotely interviewing Dakota, Graham Norton took the opportunity to ask if Tippi still owned any big cats. Dakota confirmed that, yes, her grandmother still has around 13 or 14. Continue reading
It seems like there are approximately 4,909 Joe Exotic projects in the works (that’s a low estimate), but everyone can slather their projects in sardine oil and feed ’em to the tigers because screen legend Tara Reid is in talks to grace a Tiger King movie with her star power. Tara could honestly play Joe Exotic, Carole Baskin, the tigers, the toothless boyfriend, and all the other roles, but she’s apparently just in talks to play self-proclaimed big pussy savior Carole Baskin for now.
OG Tiger King, Roy Horn of Siegfried & Roy, has tested positive for COVID-19, reminding us that Joe Exotic isn’t the only blindingly glamorous gay man obsessed with big cats whose career was cut short by tussling with the wrong pussy. According to Deadline, Roy, who in 2003, barely survived being mauled by a white tiger named Montecore during a performance which resulted in grave injuries including “a stroke, severed spine and massive blood loss,” is responding well to treatment. Between the rabid popularity of Tiger King, tigers coming down with coronavirus, and celebrity diagnoses, Roy sure found a way to strike at the heart of the current cultural zeitgeist!
Tiger King, Netflix’s surreal crime docu-series that is 2% tigers and 98% crazy, continues to spread almost faster than corona. And the latest stop on this crazy train is––where else?––musical theater! Composer Andrew Lippa dropped a new song from the musical-in-progress on Soundcloud and it’s what you get when you combine stir craziness with jazz hands.