Gwyneth Paltrow recently discovered yoni eggs, which are egg-shaped stones you shove up your snatch to allegedly help you keep things tight and tingly. Yesterday we learned that Gwyneth was selling a $66 jade egg on her website specifically to put up your vagina. Goop claimed that the jade egg would work in a number of magical ways, which included increases in chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy. She also did a Q&A with the maker of the eggs, Shiva Rose. GOOP’s jade egg has already sold out.
A gynecologist named Dr. Jen Gunter has chimed in with her thoughts. Dr. Jen wrote an open letter to Gwyneth, and surprisingly it wasn’t to congratulate Gwyneth on successfully finding a new way to waste people’s money.
This isn’t the first time Dr. Jen has had thoughts on something being hustled by Gwyneth Paltrow. She didn’t like it when Gwyneth was telling you to steam your vagina, and she isn’t feeling the $66 yoni egg either. Dr. Jen must be a reconstructive surgeon in her spare time, because she proceeded to rip Gwyneth a new one.
“I read the post on GOOP and all I can tell you is it is the biggest load of garbage I have read on your site since vaginal steaming. It’s even worse than claiming bras cause cancer. But hey, you aren’t one to let facts get in the way of profiting from snake oil.
My issue begins with the very start of your post on jade eggs specifically that ‘queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors.’ Nothing says female empowerment more than the only reason to do this is for your man! And then the claim that they can balance hormones is, quite simply, biologically impossible. Pelvic floor exercises can help with incontinence and even give stronger orgasms for some women, but they cannot change hormones. As for female energy? I’m a gynecologist and I don’t know what that is!? How does one test for it? Organically sourced, fair trade urine pH sticks coming soon to GOOP for $77 I presume?”
Dr. Jen goes on to mention that jade is porus, and that sleeping with a yoni egg in – which GOOP recommends – could lead to a bacterial infection or toxic shock syndrome. She also says that pelvic floors aren’t meant contract constantly. She compares using a yoni egg to lifting weights all day long in an attempt to strengthen your biceps. Dr. Jen says that if you’re going to put anything up there to help with Kegels, it should be medical grade silicone and it shouldn’t be left in long. You can read all of Dr. Jen’s takedown of the yoni egg here. She ends with this:
“The only thing your post got right is to check with your doctor before using one. So let me give you some free advice, don’t use vaginal jade eggs.”
Don’t worry, Dr. Jen. The health and safety of Gwyneth’s customers is no doubt very important to her. I’m sure she is having the GOOP team permanently pull the $66 jade crotch egg from the website as we speak. Of course, it will probably be replaced with literal snake oil. But I assure you it will be harvested from the rarest and most-expensive organic snakes and cold-pressed to retain aura-boosting antioxidants.