Blake Lively Jokes That She And Ryan Reynolds Are Officially “Breeders”

And not the kind of breeders who dim the lights and get two dogs to make puppies. At least, I don’t think Blake Lively has gotten into the purebred puppy game. Unless she registered a new breed of dog called a Teacup Wellidoodleclare that I wasn’t aware of.

According to Blake Lively, she and Ryan Reynolds are on their way to becoming the next Duggars. Cross-border Barbie and Ken currently have a one-and-a-half year old daughter named James and another one inside of Blake’s breedin’ parlor (I’m guessing that’s what she calls her uterus). Blake said that they’re not stopping at two and joked yesterday on the Today show that she and Ryan are fixin’ to have a million youngins’ because breeding is in their blood.

“I’m one of five kids. My husband is one of four, so we’re officially breeders. You can go on our website and we will give you some of our children.”

Blake’s going to have to be a little more specific about that website. I know she’s not talking about Preserve.us, because that will direct you to a 404 error. Wherever website they decide, I’m sure each child will come wrapped in a hand-woven muslin dish towel and delivered by a horse-drawn carriage in an antique white-washed wicker basket with a freshly-baked pullman loaf and mason jar of small-batch buttermilk.

Blake also talked about the one kid she already has, and apparently she’s putting Ryan’s LOL-making ass out of a job.

“She’s always doing something fun and exciting. She’s the most fun, funny human being I’ve ever been around in my life.”

I wonder what kind of stuff James is doing that is so fun and exciting? “My goodness, Ryan! You’ll never guess what Miss James did today. She put on a cotillion ball for her stuffed animals, and forgot to provide refreshments! Then she stepped on the hem of her petticoat and fell into the divan! Ah must say, I was positively in stitches.”

Here’s more of Breeder Lively looking like Cocktail Waitress Smurf while leaving her hotel in New York yesterday.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Blake Lively Is Probably Knocked Up With Another Baby

When a bunch of pictures hit the internet of Blake Lively looking a little swollen in the stomach area while reshooting scenes for The Shallows in Malibu yesterday, it could only mean one of two things. Either she’d treated herself to too much hand-made plantation-style huckleberry pie from the icebox the night before, or Ryan Reynolds had busted a BC nut into his wife’s business. Well, according to People, it’s the second one. A source confirms to People that Blake is pregnant with their second child. The source adds that both Blake and Ryan are “absolutely thrilled.” Blake and Ryan already have a one-year-old girl named James.

People reached out to Blake and Ryan’s people to see if they had anything to say about Blake’s baby situation, but they had no comment. I’m sure when the time is right, she’ll announce it in her own way. What way that is, I have no idea. Blake announced her first pregnancy by posting a filtered-to-hell-and-back picture of her baby bump on her lifestyle website, Preserve.us. But the corpse of Preserve.us was buried in the website graveyard back in September, so I don’t know what she’ll do this time. Maybe she’s working on an old-timey pregnancy announcement iPhone app called Over Yonder Moon that sends everyone in your contacts a sepia-toned sonogram picture.

This would usually be where I’d start speculating what kind of historic-sounding name Blake will give her new baby. But since I can’t do any better than Kelly Clarkson today, I’m going to guess what kind of insufferable food cravings she’ll get this time around instead. The last time it was hand-churned pumpkin-flavored ice cream and small-batch pickles. This time I’m going to say Ryan will be running out in the middle of the night for cold-brewed turmeric tonic and something that was baked in a stone hearth.

Here’s more of Blake doing reshoots for The Shallows. I do appreciate how Blake is wearing a robe tied around her waist that says both “There’s no baby in here” and “There is definitely a baby here.”

Pics: Splash

Cross-Border Barbie And Ken Made An Appearance At The White House State Dinner

The White House threw a special fancy dinner party for Canada’s Next Top Model Prime Minister Justin Trudeau last night. Because JT is the Prime Minister of Canada, they also invited a whole bunch of famous and semi-famous Canadians to join them. I say “semi-famous“, because I scanned the guest list and no where did I see the names Bert Raccoon or Friend Record, aka Canada’s most important A-list celebrities.

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Ryan Reynolds Fell For Blake Lively While On A Double Date With Someone Else

“Really? Lil’ ol me? Well ah do declayuh! If that ain’t just a big ol’ dollop of a slice of shoofly pie – okay, I’ll stop.”

If someone asked me how Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds came together, I’d smear some mayo on a piece of white bread and ask “This? Is it this?“, because I know how a mayonnaise sandwich gets made, and Blake and Ryan are pretty much the human equivalent. But according to Ryan, they got together during a double date they were on with other people.

Ryan recently admitted to Sirius XM’s Entertainment Weekly Radio (via People) that while he and Blake became “buddies” during the filming of Green Lantern, and so like lots of friends do, they decided to go on a double date together. Sadly, there might still be a TGIFridays with two people awkwardly picking at a plate of nachos and making small talk about how long their dates have been in the bathroom, because that was the night Blake and Ryan became Blake + Ryan. Unless you want to hear Ryan talk about the baby he made with Blake, skip to 2:42.

Ryan claims he didn’t get the warm feels for Blake until a year after Green Lantern. And I totally believe that, because nothing kills your boner quicker than showing up to set and remembering that your name and IMDB page will forever be linked to a stinky turd like Green Lantern. Blake Lively could have waited for him in his trailer at the end of the day wearing only a Green Lantern ring she swiped from the prop department, and he would be like “I…no. I can’t. I’m just too bummed out.”

And because we didn’t get a good enough look at them the first time, here’s Blake working a pair of Bedazzled bike shorts at the amfAR Gala last night. Huh, I didn’t realize bike shorts came with the 1989 Republican Senator & Senator’s Second Wife fashion set.

Pics: Splash

Leave It To Charli XCX To Give You Ten Tons Of Drunk 90s Bride At The amfAR Gala

Charli XCX, who you may remember as the Tai to Iggy Azalea’s Cher, has been slowly inching her way into the Red Carpet Fuckery Hall of Fame for a while now. She’s slithered onto the red carpet looking like sloppy n’ slutty Morticia Addams. She showed up to last year’s Grammys looking like a rode-hard put-away-wrecked Super Star Ken doll.

And last night she proved she still really really wants a permanent spot in the Most Committed wing by sashaying onto the red carpet of the amfAR New York Gala looking like a picture of your messiest cousin from her first wedding in 1992 right before she threw a glass of wine in the groom’s face during a slow-dance to “Secret Lovers.”

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Ryan Reynolds Caught One Of His Friends Trying To Sell Pictures Of His Baby

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively have really only released one picture of Baby James since she was born back in January (aka the one of her stuffed into a baby carrier the wrong way) and they probably wanted to keep it that way. But I guess one of Ryan’s childhood friends didn’t get the memo, because Ryan recently admitted to GQ that said friend isn’t one of his friends anymore because he caught him trying to sell pictures of his baby. When asked if his friend did it for the money (DUH!), Ryan answered:

“Yeah, just for money. I mean, I don’t think he thought he would ever be caught. But it’s a pretty narrow group of people that I would send photos like that to. They’re just, like, my closest family and my closest friends: ‘Here’s us in the delivery room!'”

“It was like a death. It was like one of those devastating things to find out.”

Obviously that friend wanted to make some extra cash more than he wanted to stay friends with Van Wilder. And it sounds like this maybe wasn’t a total surprise to Ryan. According to Ryan, his friend tried to sell the baby pictures shortly after Ryan cut him off, cash-wise. Apparently Ryan was letting him hump on his checking account, but had to cut him off (probably because Blake needed the extra money to invest in vintage mason jars and twine). And now their friendship is DEAD.

Ryan’s friend is a dum-dum for two reasons. One, it’s kind of a dick move to sell pictures of your friend’s kid, especially when your friend has been filling your wallet with his residuals from The Proposal. Two, because he didn’t need the real thing. I’m sure nobody would have questioned him if he took a doll, wrapped it in an antique linen diaper, placed it on an Antebellum-era patchwork quilt surrounded by several sprigs of hand-picked eucalyptus, taken a picture, applied 3 to 4 Instagram filters, and been like “Here, this is basically a picture of Blake Lively’s kid. Can I have some money now?”

Pic: Splash