It’s Halloween weekend, and while we’re keeping vigilant for news reports about masked monsters with machetes on the loose killing sexy teens, we’ve overlooked another beast who’s broken free and is terrorizing local bodies of water: the giant rubber ducky of Maine! The giant duck was moored in the Belfast Harbor, but thanks to high winds, he’s been set free and is roaming the harbor. For anyone suffering from anatidaephobia, make sure to steer clear of the waters of Belfast!
It’s been a month since the Ever Given, the Hot Slut cargo ship, blocked the Suez Canal for six whole days. Lots of jokes, memes, and LOLs. But the incident has sent the shipping industry into a tailspin, and everything that needs to be transported from Point A to Point B is like me after a nighttime nacho binge: backed up. The real victims? Garden gnomes and British gnome enthusiasts. During the pandemic, Brits have been extra-obsessed with their gardens, and gnomes were already hard to come by. Add the Ever Given drama into the mix, and the freaky little dwarves have all but disappeared. Continue reading
And now for some adorable animals to dull your Monday miseries! Look! It’s bears! *Baby* bears. Swimming and playing. In a blow up kiddie pool. Sigh. I hope this does it for you, because it’s the very best we got. The clip, filmed in South Lake Tahoe, California, shows two rambunctious cubs cooling off in a family’s backyard pool. They’re rasslin’, swimmin’, chasin’, and splashin’ around. Eventually one of them runs out of the pool and up a tree before both run out of frame. Continue reading
Hayden Panettiere returned to social media with shorter hair, and really, she’s doing it ALL wrong. Hayden should only be making dramatic hair changes after she breaks up with her allegedly abusive boyfriend. Unless… this is her way of letting us know that she finally cut the asshole out of her hair (and life), and if that’s the case. I love it!
“I hope you also bought a deluxe shock-absorbing saddle, because I don’t want to blow out my coochie bone the first time it decides to take a rough gallop.” Can you tell I know nothing about horses?
It looks like Blake Shelton decided to take his relationship with Gwen Stefani to the next level, which as we all know is giving your special someone an expensive animal. Last month, Gwen posted this on Instagram:
She never said who gave her that horse. I’m sure it had nothing to do with playing coy and hoping people would guess that Halo the Horsie was from Blake. Well, guess what? Blake told Entertainment Tonight last night that the gift came from him. Mystery solved!
“We got her horse and I got myself a horse at the same time. Gwen, she loves riding and she loves horses. It’s actually so funny that people are so shocked by that, but if you can name me one girl on the planet that doesn’t love horses or just think that they are beautiful.”
Hmmm… I don’t personally know any of their names, but I do know that they work at a restaurant in Newport, Kentucky.
There will be no shade from me in regards to Blake giving his girlfriend a horse. Unlike some famous people who adopt animals, Gwen and Blake seem like the type who will take care of theirs. Not to mention that Gwen is a rich person, so that horsie will always have the best apples and salt licks. What I do have a problem with is the name she gave her horse. Halo??? What kind of boring-ass, violently un-Gwen Stefani name is Halo? Or maybe Halo is short for Hella Good Santa Cruz Pickitup Pony, in which case I stand corrected.
“Really? Lil’ ol me? Well ah do declayuh! If that ain’t just a big ol’ dollop of a slice of shoofly pie – okay, I’ll stop.”
If someone asked me how Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds came together, I’d smear some mayo on a piece of white bread and ask “This? Is it this?“, because I know how a mayonnaise sandwich gets made, and Blake and Ryan are pretty much the human equivalent. But according to Ryan, they got together during a double date they were on with other people.
Ryan recently admitted to Sirius XM’s Entertainment Weekly Radio (via People) that while he and Blake became “buddies” during the filming of Green Lantern, and so like lots of friends do, they decided to go on a double date together. Sadly, there might still be a TGIFridays with two people awkwardly picking at a plate of nachos and making small talk about how long their dates have been in the bathroom, because that was the night Blake and Ryan became Blake + Ryan. Unless you want to hear Ryan talk about the baby he made with Blake, skip to 2:42.
Ryan claims he didn’t get the warm feels for Blake until a year after Green Lantern. And I totally believe that, because nothing kills your boner quicker than showing up to set and remembering that your name and IMDB page will forever be linked to a stinky turd like Green Lantern. Blake Lively could have waited for him in his trailer at the end of the day wearing only a Green Lantern ring she swiped from the prop department, and he would be like “I…no. I can’t. I’m just too bummed out.”
And because we didn’t get a good enough look at them the first time, here’s Blake working a pair of Bedazzled bike shorts at the amfAR Gala last night. Huh, I didn’t realize bike shorts came with the 1989 Republican Senator & Senator’s Second Wife fashion set.