Category: Royals

King Charles III Will Be Crowned On June 3, 2023

October 6, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s happening, whether we like it or not. Bloomberg reports that King Charles III’s coronation ceremony is set to take place on June 3, 2023. This is exactly 70 years (and one day) after THE QUEEN was crowned on June 2, 1953. Queen Elizabeth was 26 when she took the throne. By next June, Charles will be 74, making him the oldest person to be crowned king in British history. So the phrase “Long live The King!” is, well, optimistic. Continue reading

Today In “You Can Just Do That?” News: Queen Margrethe Of Denmark Stripped Four Of Her Grandchildren Of Their Titles

September 28, 2022 / Posted by:

Now that THE QUEEN is dead and the king of England has not nor will he ever earn a single capital letter from me, it is time to turn our attention to a far more contemporary European constitutional monarchy with a dark colonial past. Unlike the British Royal Family, the Danish Royal Family have been reading the room these past few decades and have kept such a low profile that I seriously thought Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid was next in line for the throne, him being the only Danish Royal I could ever hope to name, even under extreme duress. But according to People, following THE QUEEN’s death, Denmark’s Queen Margrethe II is now Europe’s last remaining female monarch, and unlike THE QUEEN, THIS OTHER QUEEN isn’t afraid of shaking the excess fruit from the family tree.

Continue reading

Buckingham Palace Announces That THE QUEEN’S Doctors Are “Concerned For Her Health,” And Members Of The Royal Family Are On Their Way To Be With Her (UPDATE)

September 8, 2022 / Posted by:

Buckingham Palace announced that THE QUEEN, Britain’s longest-reigning monarch, has died at 96.

Here’s the original post:

Buckingham Palace announced this morning that THE QUEEN is currently under medical supervision at Balmoral estate in Scotland. THE QUEEN is 96 and she’s become a part-time monarch because of her health woes and has had to miss events. So this news seemed serious but not surprising. But then we heard that her family, including her children and grandchildren, are either with her at Balmoral or on their way. So now it seems like things are reaching Operation London Bridge-levels of serious.

Continue reading

Prince Harry’s Memoir May Get Pushed Back To 2023 Over Concerns About “Truth Bombs”

August 24, 2022 / Posted by:

Last summer Prince Harry revealed he was writing his memoirs and had signed a $20 million deal with Random House. This is the announcement that allegedly shooketh uppeth the royal family. At the time, word was the book was supposed to come out in summer 2022, aka now. Then it was set to be released in late 2022, just in time for holiday shoppers. But Harry’s book still isn’t available online for pre-sales. This week, publishing sources told Page Six that the memoir might get delayed until 2023 because the prince “has some truth bombs in his book that he is debating on whether to include or not.” If recent reports are true, one of those bombs could be the identity of the royal who made racist comments about Harry and Meghan Markle’s baby. Spoiler alert: it’s allegedly Duchess Camilla.

Continue reading

Princess Eugenie Has Moved To Portugal To Reportedly Escape The Drama Surrounding Her Family

July 12, 2022 / Posted by:

If my dad was Prince Andrew, I’d be researching real estate in the North Pole. Princess Eugenie isn’t going to such drastic lengths to avoid accidentally bumping into her dad at the nest family function or her local Pizza Express. She’s just moved her family to Portugal for a bit. But, according to one source, she’s maybe looking to make it a long-term thing, in an attempt to put some space between herself and the more toxic elements of her famous family.

Continue reading

Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Problematic Caribbean Tour Cost Taxpayers $275,000

June 30, 2022 / Posted by:

Prince William and Duchess Kate live in a luxurious 24-karat gold-plated bubble of ignorance (it’s one of the benefits that comes with being two of the most famous royals in the world). So of course when they went on an official tour of the Caribbean earlier this year, they likely assumed it would be nothing but flowers, handshakes, photo-ops, and bottomless platters of Welcome to Our Island! fruits and cheese. That’s not exactly what happened. Will and Kate’s visits to Belize, Jamaica, and the Bahamas were met with protests from locals who wanted to address the subject of colonialism, especially in the wake of Barbados declaring their independence and splitting from the British Commonwealth just a couple of months earlier. William and Kate reportedly had some regrets about showing up in several countries that really didn’t want them there. And it looks like non-royal British citizens can join them deckside on the S.S. Regrets, because that messy tour reportedly cost taxpayers $275,000.

Continue reading

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >