Category: Music Videos
Open Post: Hosted By Missy Elliott’s Video For “Cool Off”
You ever have one of those situations where you really just need something desperately but you didn’t know that you needed it until it’s staring you in the face? If not, hopefully you’re about to. Missy Elliott just released the final video for the single Cool Off from her 2019 EP Iconography and it’s the only thing I want to look at for the next week. Maybe month. Possibly the year, I dunno, we’ll see how long it takes for this busted ass timeline to fold in on itself and we’re all crushed underfoot by coughing dinosaurs. Until then, don’t bother me, I’m cooling off!
Open Post: Hosted By Rita Ora’s New Eggs-treme Music Video
Another day, another example of a fool (or likely a team of fools) who just can’t manage to read the room. Rita Ora‘s music video for her latest single, “How to be Lonley”, is getting some online shit since nobody can find a damn egg, and yet, here’s Rita delivering real art by making egg angels in a field of eggs. Yes, Rita Ora is the reason why none of us can find eggs!
The Latest Jonas Brothers Video Pays Homage To Classic Movies And Features All Their Wives
The Jonas Brothers got back together, remember? They have a new music video out for their latest single, What A Man Gotta Do, and like their previous video for Sucker, this one too costars all three Mrs. Jonases. In the video for WAMGD, with the help of their wives Priyanka Chopra, Danielle Jonas, and Sophie Turner, Nick, Kevin, Joe recreate scenes from Risky Business, Grease and Say Anything, which their young fans have probably never seen. But if you’re like me and watched The Circle on Netflix, you too may be wondering where the elusive 4th and 5th Jonas Brothers, Clayton and Steve, are. Maybe they’re unmarried, so they’ve been kicked out of the band. I guess wives are the new purity rings.
The Video For Madonna’s “Dark Ballet” Features A Ballet Dancing Joan Of Arc
Madonna’s been terrorizing our ear-holes all spring with new music from her latest album Madame X. We were told Madame X was some kind of secret agent who travels around the world, shifting identities and solving problems like Israeli–Palestinian conflict and tenacious toe fungus. Now Madonna, sorry, Madame X, has a new video that would like to ask for your enthusiastic consent to jizz in your eye (consent is understood to have been given when you click on the little triangle).
In this video for the song Dark Ballet, Madame X brought a big duffle bag full of Mission Impossible rubber masks and takes on the identity of (guessing using her list of Madame X alter egos for reference) a prisoner, a nun, and a saint. I wish she had also managed to shoehorn The Cabaret Singer in there as well, but this isn’t one of the “fun” ones. It starts with a lengthy quote from Joan of Arc followed by a black man being burnt at the stake. See, not fun at all.
Open Post: Hosted By Jennifer Lopez’s Video For “Dinero” Featuring Cardi B
The Bronx is in the house! Or rather, The Bronx is in the Chateau! Bronx natives Cardi B and Jennifer Lopez have teamed up on a track called “Dinero” and they brought DJ Khaled along for the ride. Here’s the very shiny video directed by Joseph Khan. It’s packed full of tongue-in-cheek product placements which I didn’t really catch until the third viewing. Was it worth repeated viewings? No, it was not.
Man, DJ Khaled about as useful as tits on a boar, which, now that I think about it, is unkindly apt here. Although, it might be kind of fun to hire him for a day to announce my entrance every time I walk into a room. He’s very good at letting you know who people are. But that Robert De Niro pun was unforgivable. Go suck a clit, DJ Khaled!
What I like most about this video is how shiny it is. I love shiny things. I would legit rock one of those sequences jerseys JLo is wearing at the end. I feel like Elizabeth Taylor would enjoy watching this video if she were allowed to wear headphones and listen to Rachmaninoff instead. If I could, I would bedazzle the shit out of everything in sight too. But I wouldn’t bedazzle an elephant. That was wrong. Also, I kept expecting DJ Khaled to run into that set up and yell “Coolio! What!”, “Gangsters’ Paradise, yeah!”, followed by “Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! What!… the hell have I done?”.
Pic: YouTube
Open Post: Hosted By The Backstreet Boys’ New Video For “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”
Backstreet’s Back, alright! Only they can’t say that because they already used it. So, Backstreet’s Here Again, OK! Backstreet Boys have debuted a new video and single for “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” which, again, has already been used (and better by Elton John and Kiki Dee). BSB are really setting themselves for failure here because now, I can only think about “Everybody: Backstreet’s Back” (they will never have a better song) and Elton John (they will never have better hats). But try they must, and try they did.
Here’s the first BSB song since 2013’s “We Were All Available”. Scratch that, it was called “What You’re Made Of”.
I wonder if there was any discussion of middle-aged men continuing to refer to themselves as boys? Wouldn’t Backstreet Bros or Backstreet Buds be more appropriate at this juncture in their career? This video is, well it’s not good. It’s almost as lazy as their Spice Girls lip sync. All I see are hands, hats, holograms and halogens. In one part it looks like they each have an Evil Dead hand they are trying to not get murdered by.
Kevin Richardson looks like Kid Rock’s non-evil twin who does a magic act at children’s birthday parties on the weekends after his PUA mixer. And AJ McLean looks like he’ll be replacing Dave Navarro AND Chris Núñez on the next season of Ink Master. There are also three others! I’ve already forgotten the song but I remember Kev and AJ. Congrats fellows, the hats worked!
Pic: YouTube