Category: Music Videos
Cardi B Released The Music Video For Her New Song “Up”
Cardi B is back with a new music video, her first since “WAP”. The single’s called “Up”, and it’s standard Cardi B fare: butts, boobies, bright colors, and the longest nails you’ll see this side of Guinness Book of World Records. The chorus repeats, “if it’s up then it’s stuck.” Surprisingly, the lyrics actually aren’t referring to Offset’s perma-boner (see, he has to keep banging women who aren’t his wife, it’s a medical condition). Nope, the song’s about how Cardi’s rise to the top can’t be stopped. Continue reading
Taylor Swift Released A Video For The Single “Willow” From Her Album “Evermore” Which Touches On Her Feud With Kanye West And Relationship With Tom Hiddleston
Justin Timberlake’s Man of the Woods walked for a couple of steps before it tripped and landed with its ass sticking up out of the flap of its flannel long johns so Taylor Swift’s folklore could run. Which I guess means that folklore ran so evermore could sit pensively in vintage lace and gingham. As promised, Taylor’s 9th studio album dropped last night, along with a video for the single willow, directed by Taylor, in which she takes whimsy outback, beats it to a pulp, stuffs its lifeless body into a burlap sack, drags it to the river, dumps it and then runs and hops into a perfectly distressed 1920s jalopy, drives downstream ahead of the careening corpse, hops out, rushes to the riverbank, grabs the sodden sack, opens it and leans over and breathes new life into the mouth of whimsy which transforms it into a flesh and blood prince charming. SPOILER ALERT: They live happily evermore.
Justin Bieber Complained About His Image Search Results As His “Monster” Collaboration With Shawn Mendes Debuts
Justin Bieber looked up from diddling his navel (yes he smelled his fingers afterwards) long enough to #GrievanceGoogle himself after seeing one too many pictures of himself looking sickly. According to Entertainment Tonight, Justin took the time to post an Instagram video to complain that “all of the top photos are me looking disheveled” and to accuse the media of trying to “legitimately sabotage” him. And on a day when Justin should be celebrating the release of his collaboration with Shawn Mendes, Monster AKA The Floppy Haired Boy’s Lament, all about the pitfalls of fame. Sorry, that makes it sound like Shawn and Justin are self-aware enough to identify how their proximity to wealth and power has negatively impacted their own behavior. It’s more about how mean everybody is to them when they oopsie.
Lady Gaga Released The Video For “911”
Lady Gaga just released the video for “911”, the third single off her album Chromatica. It follows singles “Stupid Love” and “Rain On Me” ft. Ariana Grande. She performed all three songs at the VMAs last month. Apparently “911” was written about Gaga’s experiences on an antipsychotic drug called olanzapine, which she takes because she “can’t always control things that my brain does.” Join the club, Stef! The video is fairly standard artsy fartsy Gaga featuring a surprise twist this side of Chicago Med.
Cardi B Released “WAP,” Her New Single With Megan Thee Stallion
Time to update my will, because I’ve got a new favorite song to play on loop at my funeral! It’s Cardi B’s “WAP”, featuring Megan Thee Stallion. WAP stands for “Wet Ass Pussy”, because of course it does. Last night both the song and the music video were released. The video was directed by Colin Tilley (the auteur also behind Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda”), and features cameos from Normani, Rosaliá, Rubi Rose, Sukihana, Mulatto, and… Kylie Jenner.
“WAP” is Cardi’s first single as a lead artist since last year, and it’s the first new music Megan’s released since she was tragically shot in both feet last month (after a pool party that Kylie Jenner was at). Yesterday Cardi posted a video on Instagram announcing she’d be dropping the single that night, but, tragically, the censored YouTube music video would replace the words “wet ass pussy” with “wet and gushy”. Um, that’s far grosser, honestly.
Beyoncé’s “Black Is King” Made Its Debut On Disney+
I signed up for a free Disney+ trial exclusively so I could watch Baby Yoda. But that lapsed, and as far as I know, Baby Yoda is not featured in Beyoncé’s Black is King so I haven’t had the chance to watch it yet. As previously reported, BIK features songs from Beyoncé’s 2019 album The Lion King: The Gift and as such, much like WuTang, BIK is for the children. And what did the children get for pre-Christmas (that’s something wealthy children get with their Disney+ Unlimited subscription)? According to Billboard they got “an army of talented dancers, actors and famous guest stars,” and “a crystal-clear illumination of the importance of Black pride and excellence.” I’m sure they’ll appreciate the context when they get older. Right now they’re probably just looking for Baby Yoda to pop out from behind every Baobab tree.