The Time The Ghost Of Elvis Gave Spaz de la Huerta An Orgasm

July 15, 2011 / Posted by:

If the sparkles from a crazy diamond could speak words, they’d say every single thing Paz de la Huerta said in her interview with The New York Times. The glorious goddess of grease who always looks like she’s got the whiskey wakes had a few words for her haters (including her own sister) and talked about the time that the spirit of Elvis‘ finger banged her at Graceland. Spaz has got the crazy of Courtney Love and the ice cold conceitedness of January Jones. Everything that comes out of her insane mouth hole just makes me scream YES!

On the second season of Boardwalk Empire and how chicks throw daggers at her bare nipples with their tongues: “I can’t share much about the show, but hopefully some of these women who resent me for being naked or in little to nothing will be pleased that I’m knocked up, and they’ll pay attention to the performance. Women have said the most malicious, disgusting things about me. But I know that when somebody comments about you, good or bad, it is 99 percent of the time their projection of how they feel about themselves. Even my own sister treats me worse than somebody would treat a rat. She actually likes rats, so worse than that.”

On how her older sister tried to murder her when she was a fetus: “Even when I was in my womb she used to punch my mother’s stomach. She did not want me born. I’m working on my relationship with my mother and father, but my upbringing has been very destructive. They’re all Scorpios — my mother, my father and my sister.”

On how she got ghost fucked by Elvis: “I was with my ex-boyfriend [Scott Weiland] and had to beg him to go to Graceland. I felt like he was jealous of Elvis because I’ve always been infatuated by him, which is hysterical because he’s passed away. So I went to his recording studio because sometimes the sensitive people feel him in this room, and I stood in this corner and I felt him. What can I say? I felt him touch me. I mean, come on, he’s a ghost. I felt his spirit go through me and give me pleasure. I experienced that when my cat died. She waited until I got home from Sundance, and she passed away the second she was in my arms, and I felt her spirit go through my body. But this was different. It was like Elvis was tickling me with a feather.”

See what I mean? Accusing her sister of trying to commit abortion via bump punching? Making us imagine the spirit of Elvis in the body of Whoop Goldberg, tickling at her coochie while Scott Weiland slurs out “Unchained Melody.” Crazy ass Spaz is always talking like she’s a hungover shithouse rat (the one rat her sister hates) who really needs a fucking cigarette. I hope Spaz’s vocal cords work forever so she can keep spitting out magical crap like this.

To quote my abuelita while watching one of her novellas: PERRA LOCA!

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