Whoopi Goldberg Talked #MeToo, And Neil Patrick Harris Talked About The Time She Offered To Sex Him Up
You can always count of Whoopi Goldberg for a questionable hot take. And since she’s been on The View for at least 12 decades, we’ve had plenty of opportunity to hear her defend Mel Gibson, cape for Cosby, and back up just about any old dude. So it’s not too surprising that Whoopi happily took a small dookie on the Hollywood #metoo movement by stating that actresses need to step up and own the fact that some of them have fucked an “ugly ass man” for a role. Whoopi made the remarks at a talk she was giving in England.
But questionable hot takes aren’t Whoopi’s only Achilles heel. It’s questionable decisions like convincing Ted Danson blackface is A-OK, wearing black lipstick well into the 2000s, and, as was revealed on a recent episode of The View, propositioning a 15-year-old Neil Patrick Harris with a future sex date. Good luck sleeping with that image in your head tonight!
Neil Patrick Harris wasn’t at the Tony Awards last weekend, but he still managed to make his presence known by live tweeting the event. That’s actually too generous. He popped off with a handful of “observations”, one of which sounded an awful lot like an “I don’t know her” joke directed towards Rachel Bloom who was working the backstage beat for the show. Turns out it wasn’t a joke. Doogie must actually suffer from prosopagnosia, because Rachel gave an interview with GQ and read Doogie for filth. But in a nice way.
Doogie Howser M.D. sure has come up in the world. Neil Patrick Harris has hosted the Tony Awards a few times, but sadly he’s forgotten all the little people upon whose heads he tap danced on his way to the top. One such head is Crazy-Ex Girlfriend Rachel Bloom’s. Last night, for the second year in a row, Rachel was the backstage host at the Tonys and Neil was watching from home with his spawn and live tweeting. Neil was either suffering from soap opera amnesia or was super salty to be left out because he went in hard on Rachel with a Mariah worthy “I don’t know her”.
Shortly after Michael Strahan announced that he was taking the Michael out of Live! with Kelly and Michael and taking it over to Good Morning America, there were whispers that ABC had already drafted up a short list of replacements for him. Two names that were being thrown around were Anderson Cooper and Neil Patrick Harris, because I guess ABC was really feeling the idea of replacing Michael with a blue-eyed gay dreamboat.
But it sounds like ABC might want to think about throwing some lady names on that list too, because there could be a chance they’ll be replacing Kelly Ripa as well. A source tells UsWeekly that Kelly really wants Michael to be replaced by either Anderson Cooper (whose book she was not-so-subtly seen carrying around yesterday) or Andy Cohen. The source claims that if ABC doesn’t hire one Kelly’s choices to sit beside her, she’s thinking about leaving. And not in the “Bye bitches, see you in a couple days” way either. According to said source, Kelly is still a little pissed about the way things were handled with Michael that she’s ready to put in her permanent walking papers unless she gets her way. But wait, Kelly told us yesterday that everything is fine! I just don’t know what to believe anymore.
Kelly isn’t exactly reaching for a box to pack up her things just yet. ABC is still deciding who they want. They’re also apparently adding more names to the list. According to UsWeekly, they’re also considering Jerry O’Connell. But it doesn’t look good for Kelly. Anderson is currently busy covering the election, and Andy is under contract with Bravo for Watch What Happens Live. I guess if Kelly does end up quitting, that would give Disney a good excuse to pull the plug on Live! and give GMA that third hour they’ve been rumored to be looking at. Hmmm…how convenient for you, Disney.
I understand wanting to work with your friends, but this is all a tad dramatic. Would it honestly be so unbearable to make morning show small talk with Neil Patrick Harris while your bank account gets stuffed with millions of dollars? Hell, if the price was right, I’m sure NPH would throw a little silver in his hair if that’s what will do it for Kelly.
I believe that smile on Neil Patrick Harris’ face is the wordless equivalent to Gob Bluth’s “I’ve made a huge mistake.” Even though Neil Patrick Harris is a charming high-energy singing dancing machine that was built in a handsome showbiz robot factory, hosting the Oscars this year apparently really drained his battery and wore down his entertainment processor and he doesn’t think he can do it again. During a recent interview with HuffPo, Doogie Howser admitted that unless they upgrade his circuitry, he probably won’t be back to host the Oscars for a second time:
“I don’t know that my family nor my soul could take it. It’s a beast. It was fun to check off the list, but for the amount of time spent and the understandable opinionated response, I don’t know that it’s a delightful balance to do every year or even again.”
“It’s so difficult for one who’s simply watching the show to realize just how much time and concession and compromise and explanation has gone into almost every single thing…And I’m not saying that to defend everything I said as if it was the absolute best choice, but it’s also an award show, and you’re powering through 14 acts filled with 20 plus awards. So my job was to try and keep things as light and specific to this year’s set of films as possible. And if people are critical of that, it’s a big giant platform, so I would assume that they would be.”
It doesn’t really matter what famous type is hosting, people at home will hate it, because the Oscars are 4 hours long and boring as hell. And if you want someone to watch Neil Patrick Harris sing and dance for 4 hours, you gotta make it worth it; for example, give NPH a sidekick, like that entertaining bitch Purin the Beagle. And then replacing NPH with a talented cat. There, problem solved!
Doogie Howser took a break from giggling at his own jokes while hosting the Oscars tonight to say “fuckit” and get down to his panties while doing a Birdman bit, because he knows what the people watching (read: stoned straight chicks and drunks gays) want! YES! This is what I want from the Oscars. Screw those boring ass gowns and basic tuxedos. Make everyone get down to their panties and by everyone I mean only Chris Pine, The Rock, Idris Elba, David Oyelowo and (insert any other hot piece I might have forgotten because all the booze I guzzled has drowned out my sense of short memory).
And it’s really nice to know that the ball of rolled-up socks that Justin Bieber stuck in his Calvin Klein underwear got another job.
Pics: Getty, Wenn.com