Category: John Travolta
John Travolta Learned That His Wife Kelly Preston Had A Sex Scene With Tom Cruise The Hard Way
According to Us Weekly, John Travolta didn’t know that Tom Cruise and Kelly Preston, who played Jerry’s fiance in Jerry Maguire, had a sex scene together until he watched the movie at a screening. You know that saying “the jokes write themselves”? Well, I’m here to tell you that is a lie. They absolutely do not write themselves! You may read a headline like Us Weekly’s “John Travolta Didn’t Know What ‘Awkward Was’ Until Watching His Wife Kelly Preston in a Sex Scene With Tom Cruise” and chuckle to yourself, but that’s not a joke! That’s just the set up for a joke. The joke itself requires quiet contemplation, a mining of one’s acquired knowledge of the subjects at hand, and the ability to synthesize that information in a novel and amusing way. So if a headline like “John Travolta Didn’t Know What ‘Awkward Was’ Until Watching His Wife Kelly Preston in a Sex Scene With Tom Cruise” is the set up, the punchline might be something like “it was awkward because that’s how John found out he didn’t get the part of the fiance!” Another way to do it would be to simply just repeat the headline “John Travolta Didn’t Know What ‘Awkward Was’ Until Watching His Wife Kelly Preston in a Sex Scene With Tom Cruise” a minimum of three times. You see, a three-way works every time!
John Travolta Wishes He Would’ve Fully Given A Moonman To Jade Jolie At The MTV VMAs
I was going to say that maybe John Travolta’s wig holds the power to him not fucking up an awards show, but he had that polyester critter lace front on his head during his Adele Dazeem moment, so my theory doesn’t work. But I get that Taylor Swift is no Fred Durst, yet she was all over the MTV VMAs on Monday night, and yet, John Travolta still mistook her for drag queen Jade Jolie.
John was on Dallas-Fort Worth’s Hot 93.3, and when asked about the mess-up, he shrugged and made it sound like he didn’t mistake Jade for Taylor (uh huh) and also said that no matter what he does, it makes headlines. He mispronounces a name or shaves his head, and it makes headlines. I see that “shaves head” is still Scientologist for “took off my wig.”
John Travolta Presented Taylor Swift’s MTV VMA To Drag Queen Jade Jolie
This year was the 10th anniversary of the time Kanye West jumped on stage at the MTV VMAs and snatched Taylor Swift’s award out of her hands. It’s also been five years since John Travolta let everyone know he had no clue who Idina Menzel was. Well, John Travolta decided to combine the two legendary award show train wreck moments into one last night when he took the award meant for Taylor Swift, and tried to put it in the hands of Taylor Swift’s drag queen lookalike.
John Travolta And Fred Durst Clowned Around At The Premiere Of “The Fanatic”
My friend once made the most marvelous find at a used book store. It was a tome called The Big Book of Illustrated Clowns and I was immediately reminded of it looking at the red carpet event for the premiere of John Travolta and Fred Durst’s movie, The Fanatic, which I wrote about yesterday. Even though it looked like there were maybe a maximum of 20 people in attendance, there was so much clownery afoot, you might be fooled into thinking it was a bigger event. Kind of like if the red carpet was a clown car. My eyes told me one thing, but they kept spilling out of the carpet’s nap, honking and spraying seltzer, and making an absolute scene. And my, what variety!
Open Post: Hosted By John Travolta Having His Mind Blown By Fred Durst
As far as unlikely friendships go, the kinship between Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit fame, and John Travolta of dead possum-wearing fame, is not something I would have ever predicted (mostly because to predict such a thing would mean I’d have to have thought of Fred Durst at least one single time since 1996). Fred’s a movie director now, apparently such a great one that John previously proclaimed that working with Fred was the highlight of his professional career. That collaboration is finally seeing the light of day. During a press junket for the film previously called Moose, now called The Fanatic, John proved his bona fides as a super fan by gushing about how Fred “blew his mind” with his auteurism.
It’s The End Of A Roadkill Wig Era
The next time you’re driving along and spot a poor dead raccoon on the side of the road, you can no longer assume that Sea Org minions from Scientology will soon be by to scoop the creature up and give it a new home on top of John Travolta’s head. Because John Travolta made a devastating announcement that knocked the lace front right off of my dome. John says that he’s embracing his new bald head, which means he’s done with lace fronts for now, which means two sad things are happening: 1. His skinned-dog wigs are now all lonely in his wig closet. 2. The Thetans on top of his head are screaming for a parka because they’re cold as wet shit.